Cardiologyscribe
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- Jan 30, 2020
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Through high school I had really bad acne which is what I thought was my only big failo.
Luckily I ran XC and Track and was pretty good and went to a preppy HS where they cared about obscure sports like that. So the athlete halo really got me through.
Being a distance runner I was also really insecure about my frame. Being skinny af I was very sensitive to comments about it (even though they usually weren’t meant to hurt me, they really did) - nobody thinks this but for a guy comments about being skinny are just as hurtful as making fun of someone for being fat. Difference is the fat person deserves it way more.
I think deep down I wasn’t too happy with my face in pictures but it was subconscious. At times I thought I was extremely attractive. I was a normie and I guess I just didn’t let it bother me because I had no idea how important looks are.
I was rarely bullied but can clearly remember the few times I experienced it and they really stuck with me. Once, this girl who sat at my lunch table all of freshman year stared at me intently and said “It’s weird.... you’re like half hot and half ugly....”
I didn’t know what to say. It was so embarrassing. The thing that hurt the most is I agreed with her, I just couldn’t place what was “off” about my face.
At 18 I met my first gf. I wasn’t crazy about her but objectively I was lucky to have her. I got comments about “how good I did” with her. I think the fact I wasn’t crazy about her is what let me not act obsessed and clingy and made her so crazy about me. Well anyway I went to this college in Boston where everyone is hot so I ended up cheating on her and broke up with her.
Well I realized it was not easy to get whoever I wanted. So I started working out more and put on some lean mass and got my acne under control.
By this time I am 20 and felt like a million dollars (falsely). This false confidence lead me into dating this girl all over that spring semester (from December to May) but we never made it official. I was in love. But certain things just didn’t add up. We saw eachother a lot and she told me things that made me feel great about myself and where things were going. Then I found out she already had a boyfriend (who she was hiding this whole time) and she was not going to leave him for me (and even if she would that’s not an honest person to be with.)
Well I was crushed to find this out and at the exact same time my dad cheated on my mom. I realized I never want to go through getting cheated on or have someone pick someone else over you. That heartbreak was so bad I never want to experience that again. I will never be on the bottom like that again if I have anything to do with it - I will be the one breaking hearts around here.
I took a long hard look at myself. I realized I am not chad and on most days not even chad lite. I thought I finally had it - my jawline was not as defined as chads. I thought I just need to lose bodyfat. (Still bluepilled at this point when it comes to aesthetics but I was redpilled as far as I had to do something and I knew it had to do with looks)
I dropped fat and realized something was still off - just as it was when I was a low bodyfat track runner. That bitch from my lunch tables words still haunted me in the back of my mind “you’re half hot but half ugly”
What was it that ruined my face?????
Then I finally found out from lookism this summer what it is -
Maxillomandibular Retrusion.
It sucks to know I have this to a mild degree and need Bimax to fix it. But atleast finally knowing set me free.
I am not a bluepilled optimist cuck nor an “it’s over” pessimist. I am a fucking realist and the deficiencies I see in the mirror and in the camera are fucking real not a dysmorphia.
———————————
TLDR:
• Always has a lingering thought something was “off” about my face that separated me from chads but didn’t know what it was.
• Got my first heart break and I am determined to minimize the chance of that ever happening to me again. Also minimize initial rejections as well.
• Found out after many years of searching that my face isn’t forward grown.
Luckily I ran XC and Track and was pretty good and went to a preppy HS where they cared about obscure sports like that. So the athlete halo really got me through.
Being a distance runner I was also really insecure about my frame. Being skinny af I was very sensitive to comments about it (even though they usually weren’t meant to hurt me, they really did) - nobody thinks this but for a guy comments about being skinny are just as hurtful as making fun of someone for being fat. Difference is the fat person deserves it way more.
I think deep down I wasn’t too happy with my face in pictures but it was subconscious. At times I thought I was extremely attractive. I was a normie and I guess I just didn’t let it bother me because I had no idea how important looks are.
I was rarely bullied but can clearly remember the few times I experienced it and they really stuck with me. Once, this girl who sat at my lunch table all of freshman year stared at me intently and said “It’s weird.... you’re like half hot and half ugly....”
I didn’t know what to say. It was so embarrassing. The thing that hurt the most is I agreed with her, I just couldn’t place what was “off” about my face.
At 18 I met my first gf. I wasn’t crazy about her but objectively I was lucky to have her. I got comments about “how good I did” with her. I think the fact I wasn’t crazy about her is what let me not act obsessed and clingy and made her so crazy about me. Well anyway I went to this college in Boston where everyone is hot so I ended up cheating on her and broke up with her.
Well I realized it was not easy to get whoever I wanted. So I started working out more and put on some lean mass and got my acne under control.
By this time I am 20 and felt like a million dollars (falsely). This false confidence lead me into dating this girl all over that spring semester (from December to May) but we never made it official. I was in love. But certain things just didn’t add up. We saw eachother a lot and she told me things that made me feel great about myself and where things were going. Then I found out she already had a boyfriend (who she was hiding this whole time) and she was not going to leave him for me (and even if she would that’s not an honest person to be with.)
Well I was crushed to find this out and at the exact same time my dad cheated on my mom. I realized I never want to go through getting cheated on or have someone pick someone else over you. That heartbreak was so bad I never want to experience that again. I will never be on the bottom like that again if I have anything to do with it - I will be the one breaking hearts around here.
I took a long hard look at myself. I realized I am not chad and on most days not even chad lite. I thought I finally had it - my jawline was not as defined as chads. I thought I just need to lose bodyfat. (Still bluepilled at this point when it comes to aesthetics but I was redpilled as far as I had to do something and I knew it had to do with looks)
I dropped fat and realized something was still off - just as it was when I was a low bodyfat track runner. That bitch from my lunch tables words still haunted me in the back of my mind “you’re half hot but half ugly”
What was it that ruined my face?????
Then I finally found out from lookism this summer what it is -
Maxillomandibular Retrusion.
It sucks to know I have this to a mild degree and need Bimax to fix it. But atleast finally knowing set me free.
I am not a bluepilled optimist cuck nor an “it’s over” pessimist. I am a fucking realist and the deficiencies I see in the mirror and in the camera are fucking real not a dysmorphia.
———————————
TLDR:
• Always has a lingering thought something was “off” about my face that separated me from chads but didn’t know what it was.
• Got my first heart break and I am determined to minimize the chance of that ever happening to me again. Also minimize initial rejections as well.
• Found out after many years of searching that my face isn’t forward grown.
Last edited:
cant imagine the dopamine hit from cheating on a foid
