Being in a relationship that ends can mess you up mentally for years

[vinn98]

I had a few relationships (mostly casual short term) in my 20s and for all of them when it ended I either felt nothing or felt sad for a few days, maybe a week or 2, but then it was gone and I was back to normal. Except for one. She was the sweet kind both in personality and appearance and actually loved me which surprised me. I loved her too, but my mind was at war thinking I'm too young to settle down, I want to go out clubbing and sleep with different girls. After a year and a half I impulsively broke up telling her I'm not ready to settle down.

From that moment on I had a sadness in me that never left. Constant flashbacks thinking of those idyllic times when we went biking in the mountains and other memories. Everything I did just felt like I was trying to escape it. I went out clubbing and tried meeting different girls, but it didn't heal the sadness in me. I started regretting it hugely and 3 months later I tried contacting her but she was already dating another guy and didn't respond. Now 7 years later I still have that pain inside me, but it's less intense. I think it's a wound that will never heal for as long as I live. Let this be a lesson to you.

 

[Prettyboy]

Girls get told all the time by everyone while growing up to beware guys and don’t let their heart be broken yet no one teaches boys how to invest emotionally.

 

[longjohnmong]

Happened to me except I was with the girl for 10 years. She was my whole life and I thought she was my best friend, and then she left like the entire relationship was 10 year long prank that she was playing on me. Now she is married and has a kid with a guy I was friends with.

We broke up 10 years ago and I still dream about her on a weekly basis and it always ruins my day.

 

[vinn98]

Happened to me except I was with the girl for 10 years. She was my whole life and I thought she was my best friend, and then she left like the entire relationship was 10 year long prank that she was playing on me. Now she is married and has a kid with a guy I was friends with.

We broke up 10 years ago and I still dream about her on a weekly basis and it always ruins my day.

Damn wtf 10 years that's crazy. For me when the flashbacks happen it's like anxiety building up and I can't sit still. I need to go out and walk in fresh air.

 

[cutie_pie]

Happened to me except I was with the girl for 10 years. She was my whole life and I thought she was my best friend, and then she left like the entire relationship was 10 year long prank that she was playing on me. Now she is married and has a kid with a guy I was friends with.

We broke up 10 years ago and I still dream about her on a weekly basis and it always ruins my day.

So are you like 40?

 

[Obito]

I will never forget vinn98's pain

 

[longjohnmong]

So are you like 40?

I will be in a couple months.

 

[longjohnmong]

Damn wtf 10 years that's crazy. For me when the flashbacks happen it's like anxiety building up and I can't sit still. I need to go out and walk in fresh air.

For the first couple years I couldn't do anything because whenever I tried to work out or go for a walk I would just start getting furious from the stimulation. Even now whenever I meditate, 50% of the time I have murderous revenge fantasies going through my head.

 

[vinn98]

For the first couple years I couldn't do anything because whenever I tried to work out or go for a walk I would just start getting furious from the stimulation. Even now whenever I meditate, 50% of the time I have murderous revenge fantasies going through my head.

I think your situation is different because you're the one who got betrayed so you feel anger. In my case it's regret so there's no anger. I almost think it would have been easier to deal with if she dumped me instead so I'd feel more resentment than sadness, but it would have been something outside my control.

 

[Deleted member 24278]

Happened to me except I was with the girl for 10 years. She was my whole life and I thought she was my best friend, and then she left like the entire relationship was 10 year long prank that she was playing on me. Now she is married and has a kid with a guy I was friends with.

We broke up 10 years ago and I still dream about her on a weekly basis and it always ruins my day.

Brutal

I hate this world

 

[longjohnmong]

I almost think it would have been easier to deal with if she dumped me instead so I'd feel more resentment than sadness, but it would have been something outside my control.

Probably equivalent. Each presents its own set of difficulties. Grass is greener type shit. I do think it would be easier to deal with if she just cheated because then I could 100% accept that she was just a piece of shit and get closure with that. I don't ever look at pictures of her or anything, but it's all so fresh in my mind, and no matter how much I try to just go about my business, it never goes away. Deep down I'm still waiting to hear from her, just something. Like it still doesn't make sense to me. I wish I could meet someone who would just erase her, but I'm skeptical that that could actually happen, especially now that I'm older and cynical, but who knows.

 

[p0lishsubhuman]

Probably equivalent. Each presents its own set of difficulties. Grass is greener type shit. I do think it would be easier to deal with if she just cheated because then I could 100% accept that she was just a piece of shit and get closure with that. I don't ever look at pictures of her or anything, but it's all so fresh in my mind, and no matter how much I try to just go about my business, it never goes away. Deep down I'm still waiting to hear from her, just something. Like it still doesn't make sense to me. I wish I could meet someone who would just erase her, but I'm skeptical that that could actually happen, especially now that I'm older and cynical, but who knows.

Have you ever felt this way for any girl before you met your ex of 10 years?

 

[longjohnmong]

Have you ever felt this way for any girl before you met your ex of 10 years?

No, it was my first relationship.

 

[Deleted member 25059]

Happened to me except I was with the girl for 10 years. She was my whole life and I thought she was my best friend, and then she left like the entire relationship was 10 year long prank that she was playing on me. Now she is married and has a kid with a guy I was friends with.

We broke up 10 years ago and I still dream about her on a weekly basis and it always ruins my day.

For the first couple years I couldn't do anything because whenever I tried to work out or go for a walk I would just start getting furious from the stimulation. Even now whenever I meditate, 50% of the time I have murderous revenge fantasies going through my head.

Probably equivalent. Each presents its own set of difficulties. Grass is greener type shit. I do think it would be easier to deal with if she just cheated because then I could 100% accept that she was just a piece of shit and get closure with that. I don't ever look at pictures of her or anything, but it's all so fresh in my mind, and no matter how much I try to just go about my business, it never goes away. Deep down I'm still waiting to hear from her, just something. Like it still doesn't make sense to me. I wish I could meet someone who would just erase her, but I'm skeptical that that could actually happen, especially now that I'm older and cynical, but who knows.

what oldceldom does to a mf

 

[longjohnmong]

what oldceldom does to a mf

Accumulate life experiences?

 

[Hero of the Imperium]

I’m really a psycho

Lots of girls have loved me but I have never loved them back. At most have only ever had the sadness for a few days

Don’t get me wrong, if I were a billionaire I’d marry all the ones that I liked and have kids with them

It’s good I think; cold without being autistic, warm without being a crybaby. I have other problems. my problems are elsewhere