E
ElySioNs
quit, contact through discord or insta instead
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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Found out recently through my wife's really chatty best friend a thing or two about my wife's past. Initially when we were dating she told me certain things were things she had never done before and didn't want to try.
Turns out she did them with her exboyfriend. This is not something that I am asking for 20 years later after finding out. I wanted to do more with her early on in our relationship. I talked to her about it, she told me she did them back then and enjoyed it. But doesn't want to do them with me (anal/bdsm/threesome). And when I asked she didn't really give me any reasoning. She just said she didn't want to.
Now to be clear, it’s not so much the particular acts that I really care about. It’s more so the fact another guy got to see a side of her that I never did. And he was just a boyfriend, while I signed away my life to her.
I understand and accept that if a woman does a certain thing in the past she doesn’t have to do it with every subsequent partner. But that being said, when I asked her if she would try these things when we were dating she told me no, and she never did them before. Again she doesn’t have to disclose her history but she didn’t choose not to answer instead she lied to me about it. Had she said, “Yes I liked doing x y z with person X, but I don’t want to do them with you.” I would have been able to decide for myself if this is the person I want to be with.
That's why this is a big deal for me. Something that influenced my decision to be with this woman, turned out to be a deliberate lie. That makes me doubt the foundations of your relationship. Did she do that on purpose to keep me hooked? What else has she been lying or pretending about in order to keep me around?
We have been married for 20 years and we have two children together, this isn’t something that I am going to divorce her over. But the lack sensitivity, and explanation from her part is causing tension in our marriage. To her it’s no big deal, to me it makes me feel very emasculated and hurt. I have conveyed this to her but she doesn’t really bother. I understand people are going to have strong opinions but please read the full post before commenting.
Turns out she did them with her exboyfriend. This is not something that I am asking for 20 years later after finding out. I wanted to do more with her early on in our relationship. I talked to her about it, she told me she did them back then and enjoyed it. But doesn't want to do them with me (anal/bdsm/threesome). And when I asked she didn't really give me any reasoning. She just said she didn't want to.
Now to be clear, it’s not so much the particular acts that I really care about. It’s more so the fact another guy got to see a side of her that I never did. And he was just a boyfriend, while I signed away my life to her.
I understand and accept that if a woman does a certain thing in the past she doesn’t have to do it with every subsequent partner. But that being said, when I asked her if she would try these things when we were dating she told me no, and she never did them before. Again she doesn’t have to disclose her history but she didn’t choose not to answer instead she lied to me about it. Had she said, “Yes I liked doing x y z with person X, but I don’t want to do them with you.” I would have been able to decide for myself if this is the person I want to be with.
That's why this is a big deal for me. Something that influenced my decision to be with this woman, turned out to be a deliberate lie. That makes me doubt the foundations of your relationship. Did she do that on purpose to keep me hooked? What else has she been lying or pretending about in order to keep me around?
We have been married for 20 years and we have two children together, this isn’t something that I am going to divorce her over. But the lack sensitivity, and explanation from her part is causing tension in our marriage. To her it’s no big deal, to me it makes me feel very emasculated and hurt. I have conveyed this to her but she doesn’t really bother. I understand people are going to have strong opinions but please read the full post before commenting.