why was I not made of stone like thee?
- Feb 25, 2019
I met my boyfriend through a local DnD Facebook page. We started talking every day over Messenger and pretty soon we were meeting up to continue our conversations in person. We had a lot of stuff in common, and I thought he was really funny, and I just enjoyed his company. We started dating and we’ve been dating for nearly a year. We moved in together in May.
However, yesterday I found out from one of our DnD friends that he used to comment on r/Braincels . He brought it up in a “good for him for moving on” way but holy fuck. I only knew about incels from the guy that killed all those people a few years back. I managed to get the friend to tell me the account name (he got really uncomfortable and asked me not to tell my boyfriend) and although he never said anything violent, my boyfriend repeatedly called girls derogatory names, said we were inferior, we were whores, we would never date a short ugly man like him, etc. His last post he mentioned that he was talking to a “foid” and that she was actually showing interest. I think he meant me.
He was going through a really hard time this past year, not in a good mental place, but I don’t think that excuses all the sexist and gross things he said about women. He’s never shown any misogyny towards me or anyone else, but how do I know he doesn’t still feel that way? Would I be the asshole for dumping him over something that happened pre-our relationship? Should I give him a chance to explain? I love him and I don’t know if I can be objective if he asks me to sympathize with him. But I also don’t think I can continue to be with him knowing he things I’m not deserving of the same respect as men.
Added info from last post: he’s never done anything I consider a red flag, but I also have been blind to warning signs in past relationships, and he never told me about his misogynistic history. I feel like my trust has been breached.
Do I end things? Give him the chance to talk? Or give him a chance?