D
Deleted member 8919
Kraken
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2020
- Posts
- 8,116
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Hello
I'm a 27 year old incel and I experienced NoFap as the right way to live in the past couple weeks like never before. But let me start at the beginning. When I was still in a relationship with my ex-GF I happened to do everything for her. I mean literally. I spent thousands of Euros for our vacations and invited her when she didn't have money. We had a long-distance relationship over 700 km (~450 miles) and it went like that for more than 3 years. By that time I was happy with her and everything was fine. The sex was ultra epic and our meetings where very intimate and we just trusted each other. So basically nothing one would complain about. We saw each other every 2 or 3 weeks for a weekend and it was great!
But there was always a tiny spot inside me that felt like I was doing something wrong. I felt it some days more, some days less but it was always there. This spot told me that I gave too much. But even worse there were phases in our relationship when she felt attracted to other guys. She told me about that in a call. The first time I was really depressed and jealous. She told me that it was not the guy who attracted her but his physical presence. So guess what? Yea, I drove to her. This was after a year of relationship. After a year and a half the same shit happened again. Different guy, same situation. I guess you already know what I did? Yea right, I drove to her again. I started to became really pissed but suppressed the feelings and thought that if I show her my love, everything will be good. After two years there was third guy who she was interested in and I fell into the same black hole again. We somehow managed to get over it though. After three years she admitted that she had kissed a fourth guy - this was actually the first "affair guy" she kissed and I believed her. By that time I started NoFap and wanted change in my life. I wanted to be in a relationship with her but I wanted a change. It was great and everything in my life improved - except our relationship which got worse. I said that I forgive her but if I recall the past, I notice that I lied to myself. Our trust base was slowly replaced by mistrust and we stopped having sex or even intimate times. I was really worried about it but also thought subconscious that our relationship would come to an end slowly. But my consciousness denied that reality. We lied to ourselves and each other that everything will be good and that we want each other. But actually the "good" times of our relationship were over in the exact moment she told me about the guy she kissed.
So anyways she left me 3 weeks ago. I'm still shocked and confused and my feelings are like a rollercoaster. I experience mourning, hate, crying, rage, hopelessness, hope, joy and so on... The reason for that is a fifth guy (!!) she started to date. This was like a smash in my face but I calmed myself with the thoughts, that I find other women attractive as well. The point that I missed was that even though I found others attractive and pretty, I wouldn't date them. But this was what she did. If I recall my past now, I notice this as another lie to myself. Love is blind.
The thing is our relationship got worse when I started NoFapping. I became more self-confident by that time and stopped doing everything for her. By that time I also noticed that mostly I visited her and she rarely managed to come to my town. That had always been a topic now and then but by that time I really started to recognize HOW imbalanced the relationship was. She took and I gave. I mean I like to be a gentleman and to do things for my sweetheart but it became too much by that time. She always argued that she had a lot of things to do for university and I always understood it but by that time I noticed that I also needed time for my studies. Yea it sounds obvious but the eyes of love are blind...
So after we broke up, I escaped my mind into fapping and just didn't want it to be over. I quickly noticed that this was not the answer. Fapping gave me an hour of joy but left 23 hours where I could hardly handle or process my thoughts. And I had a lot of them. I felt like a victim that was exposed to his destiny.
So I started NoFap again - this time stronger than ever and I knew this was the right way! I'm now at 4 days and my mind is steadily recovering. It still hurts when I think of her but I realized a lot of things in the past couple of days. I now know that it's better like this. I want to be a free, strong and independent man and not a victim anymore. I had to sacrifice my relationship for this "new life" but in the end I know it's worth it. Even though I still love her, I know that I just changed myself so rapidly that I can't fulfill her wishes anymore. And I don't want to fulfill them anymore, that's even more important! I will keep the good memories in a secret place in my heart and I will honour them. I also honour her as a person - even thought she hurt me a lot of times, I learned many things from her.
Sometimes you have to leave old things in the past to conquer new frontiers. I'm not saying it is easy but I know I want it to be like this. When I completely recovered from that wound a new relationship will come. But until then I see the good things of being single: I have way more time for my friends, for university and for myself. And I learned a lot about life and everything. And that's more than worth it! I know who I am now.
Thanks to you guys!
I'm a 27 year old incel and I experienced NoFap as the right way to live in the past couple weeks like never before. But let me start at the beginning. When I was still in a relationship with my ex-GF I happened to do everything for her. I mean literally. I spent thousands of Euros for our vacations and invited her when she didn't have money. We had a long-distance relationship over 700 km (~450 miles) and it went like that for more than 3 years. By that time I was happy with her and everything was fine. The sex was ultra epic and our meetings where very intimate and we just trusted each other. So basically nothing one would complain about. We saw each other every 2 or 3 weeks for a weekend and it was great!
But there was always a tiny spot inside me that felt like I was doing something wrong. I felt it some days more, some days less but it was always there. This spot told me that I gave too much. But even worse there were phases in our relationship when she felt attracted to other guys. She told me about that in a call. The first time I was really depressed and jealous. She told me that it was not the guy who attracted her but his physical presence. So guess what? Yea, I drove to her. This was after a year of relationship. After a year and a half the same shit happened again. Different guy, same situation. I guess you already know what I did? Yea right, I drove to her again. I started to became really pissed but suppressed the feelings and thought that if I show her my love, everything will be good. After two years there was third guy who she was interested in and I fell into the same black hole again. We somehow managed to get over it though. After three years she admitted that she had kissed a fourth guy - this was actually the first "affair guy" she kissed and I believed her. By that time I started NoFap and wanted change in my life. I wanted to be in a relationship with her but I wanted a change. It was great and everything in my life improved - except our relationship which got worse. I said that I forgive her but if I recall the past, I notice that I lied to myself. Our trust base was slowly replaced by mistrust and we stopped having sex or even intimate times. I was really worried about it but also thought subconscious that our relationship would come to an end slowly. But my consciousness denied that reality. We lied to ourselves and each other that everything will be good and that we want each other. But actually the "good" times of our relationship were over in the exact moment she told me about the guy she kissed.
So anyways she left me 3 weeks ago. I'm still shocked and confused and my feelings are like a rollercoaster. I experience mourning, hate, crying, rage, hopelessness, hope, joy and so on... The reason for that is a fifth guy (!!) she started to date. This was like a smash in my face but I calmed myself with the thoughts, that I find other women attractive as well. The point that I missed was that even though I found others attractive and pretty, I wouldn't date them. But this was what she did. If I recall my past now, I notice this as another lie to myself. Love is blind.
The thing is our relationship got worse when I started NoFapping. I became more self-confident by that time and stopped doing everything for her. By that time I also noticed that mostly I visited her and she rarely managed to come to my town. That had always been a topic now and then but by that time I really started to recognize HOW imbalanced the relationship was. She took and I gave. I mean I like to be a gentleman and to do things for my sweetheart but it became too much by that time. She always argued that she had a lot of things to do for university and I always understood it but by that time I noticed that I also needed time for my studies. Yea it sounds obvious but the eyes of love are blind...
So after we broke up, I escaped my mind into fapping and just didn't want it to be over. I quickly noticed that this was not the answer. Fapping gave me an hour of joy but left 23 hours where I could hardly handle or process my thoughts. And I had a lot of them. I felt like a victim that was exposed to his destiny.
So I started NoFap again - this time stronger than ever and I knew this was the right way! I'm now at 4 days and my mind is steadily recovering. It still hurts when I think of her but I realized a lot of things in the past couple of days. I now know that it's better like this. I want to be a free, strong and independent man and not a victim anymore. I had to sacrifice my relationship for this "new life" but in the end I know it's worth it. Even though I still love her, I know that I just changed myself so rapidly that I can't fulfill her wishes anymore. And I don't want to fulfill them anymore, that's even more important! I will keep the good memories in a secret place in my heart and I will honour them. I also honour her as a person - even thought she hurt me a lot of times, I learned many things from her.
Sometimes you have to leave old things in the past to conquer new frontiers. I'm not saying it is easy but I know I want it to be like this. When I completely recovered from that wound a new relationship will come. But until then I see the good things of being single: I have way more time for my friends, for university and for myself. And I learned a lot about life and everything. And that's more than worth it! I know who I am now.
Thanks to you guys!
