Deleted member 2403
Kraken
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2019
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The girl:
I was at a party. When i got to the point of being so drunk i couldn't see clearly. I said i wanted to go home. She said ok and we walked to her car. On the way there she pulled me towards her and kissed me. I stepped back and it felt wrong but i kissed her back. Then, i have little recollection of what happened after. I know around 1 am was when i asked to go home and next thing i know I'm naked in her car eating her out. As soon as i realized what i was doing i stopped. I said i wanted to go home but i didn't seem upset so she did not know i was upset. On the way home she asked me if i wanted to come over. I said sure, i guess, because we ended up at her house. I don't remember the drive there AT ALL and while at her place, i remember once again getting intimate and stopping....and that's it. I woke up, still drunk, realized what had happened and went home immediately. I haven't slept since. I took such pride in being a good girlfriend. I can't look into my boyfriends eyes and say "i'll never betray you" again, or "I would never do anything to hurt you". I am so confused. I wish i'd never gone out that night. i have been crying every night. I can't sleep. The night replays in my mind and I'm filled with disgust. Im disgusted with myself. Not because I would never do that with a girl but because i would NEVER do that to my boyfriend sober...and i used to say id never do that to him drunk.
I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out. Like I was not sober enough to consent but at the same time i feel guilty for even saying that because i definitely participated.
I'm sorry if i sound all over the place. It's because i am.
Please help. Any advice would help. I feel lost and confused. I am avoiding my boyfriend. I don't want to keep this from him but i know if i tell him he will leave me. He's been cheated on before. i've been cheated on before. I know how much this hurts.
Should i tell my boyfriend?
It's killing me inside. Please help.
I was at a party. When i got to the point of being so drunk i couldn't see clearly. I said i wanted to go home. She said ok and we walked to her car. On the way there she pulled me towards her and kissed me. I stepped back and it felt wrong but i kissed her back. Then, i have little recollection of what happened after. I know around 1 am was when i asked to go home and next thing i know I'm naked in her car eating her out. As soon as i realized what i was doing i stopped. I said i wanted to go home but i didn't seem upset so she did not know i was upset. On the way home she asked me if i wanted to come over. I said sure, i guess, because we ended up at her house. I don't remember the drive there AT ALL and while at her place, i remember once again getting intimate and stopping....and that's it. I woke up, still drunk, realized what had happened and went home immediately. I haven't slept since. I took such pride in being a good girlfriend. I can't look into my boyfriends eyes and say "i'll never betray you" again, or "I would never do anything to hurt you". I am so confused. I wish i'd never gone out that night. i have been crying every night. I can't sleep. The night replays in my mind and I'm filled with disgust. Im disgusted with myself. Not because I would never do that with a girl but because i would NEVER do that to my boyfriend sober...and i used to say id never do that to him drunk.
I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out. Like I was not sober enough to consent but at the same time i feel guilty for even saying that because i definitely participated.
I'm sorry if i sound all over the place. It's because i am.
Please help. Any advice would help. I feel lost and confused. I am avoiding my boyfriend. I don't want to keep this from him but i know if i tell him he will leave me. He's been cheated on before. i've been cheated on before. I know how much this hurts.
Should i tell my boyfriend?
It's killing me inside. Please help.
