Sudden frivolous pickiness of girls off dating apps (Tinder/Bumble/Hinge)?

[APJ]

Excuse the length (expecting lots of ‘dnr’), but perhaps someone else is seeing this phenomenon too. After a failed LTR last year, a bit of app-driven rebound lays, and several months off, I’ve come back on the apps to find that women are being frivolously picky, far far more than before (note: my photos are the same). Has anyone else found this?

To give two examples: the other day I had a date cancelled the same day of because of some innocuous comment I made over text about it being good when both partners actively show desire. She then said she ‘wasn’t sure she could give me what I wanted’ and said we should move on. This is after heavy initial interest. I do a little more digging and she says ‘oh maybe I’m being too judgmental’ and she’s now ‘interested’ in a date again. I’ve lost motivation, to be honest. Not interested in walking on eggshells. But isn’t this weird?

Second example: last week, I matched with a girl, we joke around a bit and then she just ghosts for few days. Fine; it is what it is. A few days later she comes back and says ‘oh I thought because I don’t have X career I thought you might be artsy and I don’t think it’d be a good match’. I’m like, “okay, didn’t you realise what my career was before, and it doesn’t encompass me - hasn’t been a problem with non-artsy partners before, but I respect your decision”. She then says ‘oh sorry I’ve been too judgmental’ and we’re meant to be seeing each other next week.

Not to give loads more examples but there have been a few other times recently women have cancelled on me for extremely frivolous reasons despite high initial interest, and not come back. Is anyone else seeing this? The app scene has been largely static since mid-April and these aren’t girls who have just started dating again (so they’re not ‘discovering their true value’). So what gives?

 

[gamma]

Hypergamy is rising every year more

 

[APJ]

Hypergamy is rising every year more

Perhaps. But there shouldn’t be high initial interest, if this pickiness were because of hypergamy. I’m not talking about low-effort all-lower-case replies, I’m talking about girls pushing for the meet with enthusiasm

 

[gamma]

Perhaps. But there shouldn’t be high initial interest, if this pickiness were because of hypergamy. I’m not talking about low-effort all-lower-case replies, I’m talking about girls pushing for the meet with enthusiasm

Yeah maybe at the beginning she likes you but then she matches with a bigger chad than you so you're not her first choice

Do you know that an average becky has thousands of matches and can fuck 8/10 chads, right?

 

[APJ]

Yeah maybe at the beginning she likes you but then she matches with a bigger chad than you so you're not her first choice

Do you know that an average becky has thousands of matches and can fuck 8/10 chads, right?

For sure (seeing girls’ phones the ultimate ). And this was my first thought. But Becky having access to a buffet of Chads has been the case for ages now. And usually when they get something going with a bigger Chad they just ghost or if they don’t want to cancel the meet (and consider you a backup/dark horse) they go colder, it’s clear as day when this happens. It still happens to me.

This seems like something different, especially given some girls have felt ‘mistaken’ when I pressed them a bit, and rekindled their enthusiasm. It feels like a test to see how I’ll respond (yuck). This is why I’m confused

 

[Amnesia]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

 

[APJ]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

Sorry to hear that. Has it been like this/especially bad for you recently? In the cases I’m describing the girls will give a reason and express their dissatisfaction before cancelling (and this can sometimes be reversed)

And yeah mental health-wise it’s bad, also making me more jaded and unable to enjoy spending time with girls, if one thing you say is going to flip them then you can’t feel relaxed around them or invest any emotional energy in

 

[APJ]

>ur experience sounds very similar to mine
View attachment 1136251

What’s this lol

 

[chaddyboi66]

Excuse the length (expecting lots of ‘dnr’), but perhaps someone else is seeing this phenomenon too. After a failed LTR last year, a bit of app-driven rebound lays, and several months off, I’ve come back on the apps to find that women are being frivolously picky, far far more than before (note: my photos are the same). Has anyone else found this?

To give two examples: the other day I had a date cancelled the same day of because of some innocuous comment I made over text about it being good when both partners actively show desire. She then said she ‘wasn’t sure she could give me what I wanted’ and said we should move on. This is after heavy initial interest. I do a little more digging and she says ‘oh maybe I’m being too judgmental’ and she’s now ‘interested’ in a date again. I’ve lost motivation, to be honest. Not interested in walking on eggshells. But isn’t this weird?

Second example: last week, I matched with a girl, we joke around a bit and then she just ghosts for few days. Fine; it is what it is. A few days later she comes back and says ‘oh I thought because I don’t have X career I thought you might be artsy and I don’t think it’d be a good match’. I’m like, “okay, didn’t you realise what my career was before, and it doesn’t encompass me - hasn’t been a problem with non-artsy partners before, but I respect your decision”. She then says ‘oh sorry I’ve been too judgmental’ and we’re meant to be seeing each other next week.

Not to give loads more examples but there have been a few other times recently women have cancelled on me for extremely frivolous reasons despite high initial interest, and not come back. Is anyone else seeing this? The app scene has been largely static since mid-April and these aren’t girls who have just started dating again (so they’re not ‘discovering their true value’). So what gives?

You're come in here really acting all surprised and giving an old take when everyone on this site already knew that?
Why else would you be here are you even blackpilled broyo?

 

[APJ]

You're come in here really acting all surprised and giving an old take when everyone on this site already knew that?
Why else would you be here are you even blackpilled broyo?

If it were an old take that’s fine, plenty of threads about being ghosted abruptly. But here it’s something quite new (and I’ve been dating off apps since 2017, I know what the score is lol), never experienced this process of: enthusiasm —> frivolous cancellation —> realises she’s being an idiot + enthusiasm (only sometimes)

 

[Chadeep]

They just playing games tbh. Using men like abused dogs

 

[APJ]

They just playing games tbh. Using men like abused dogs

Yeah my gut feeling is that I’m being used or my desire is being ‘tested’ or something, with very little regard for my wellbeing

 

[Carolus]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

It is indeed toxic

The fact that you just have to go through it repeatedly
You don't see it before it happens, it just happens out of the blue
Idk how to cope tbh, it's all pointless, you can't trust anyone but yourself

 

[Doober]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

Fuck man ur male model and having the same exact bullshit as a bald ogre like me. This is very concerning

 

[SkinjobCatastrophe]

Thats just how women are, even with men who are very good looking. Women dont know what goes through their head or how to put it in to language so their true feelings are completely lost through a text message where they have to consolidate their thoughts and type them out.

There are a thousand different reasons these things can happen, all revolving around females being crazy. Maybe she is not interested in you in the first place but she doesnt want to just say “no i dont like you” so she keeps talking with you, or maybe she sees you at first and is interested but then later she has some unrelated crazy emotional outburst and she gets angry and takes it out on you. Maybe she is interested but her friends tell her you are no good so she stops talking to you. But then a few days later she feels better about it so then she texts you back. And all kinds of shit like this

 

[Zias]

In my eyes the rising pickiness could be explained as following: Before covid beckies already had 1000+ matches so with an even bigger influx of men due to covid she is allowed to again raise her standards. The bigger the pond they fish in, she more selective they will be.
Personally I notice the rising pickiness too.

With this rising influx of men on dating apps, the neediness of men also rises. I think many guys underestimate this or don't realise this. Coming across as needy when texting is an absolute death sentence.

OP I don't know what the exact context was of your text with the first girl, but talking about a "It's good when two partners actively show desire" could've rubbed her the wrong way for various reasons. Talking about desire, partners when you haven't met is not the greatest thing to do. You're already giving away signals about a relationship, and what you're on tinder for before you have even met her. IMO you should keep it more low-key.

Also, maybe she wanted to get railed. Then it would really make sense what she said. Cause she's looking for very different things.

 

[APJ]

Fuck man ur male model and having the same exact bullshit as a bald ogre like me. This is very concerning

Don't worry, I know guys way better looking than me, tall (6'4"+) white Chad guys with great careers having to deal with bullshit from women. Looksmaxing is great but doing it as a strategy to insulate yourself from this is a futile errand

 

[APJ]

In my eyes the rising pickiness could be explained as following: Before covid beckies already had 1000+ matches so with an even bigger influx of men due to covid she is allowed to again raise her standards. The bigger the pond they fish in, she more selective they will be.
Personally I notice the rising pickiness too.

With this rising influx of men on dating apps, the neediness of men also rises. I think many guys underestimate this or don't realise this. Coming across as needy when texting is an absolute death sentence.

OP I don't know what the exact context was of your text with the first girl, but talking about a "It's good when two partners actively show desire" could've rubbed her the wrong way for various reasons. Talking about desire, partners when you haven't met is not the greatest thing to do. You're already giving away signals about a relationship, and what you're on tinder for before you have even met her. IMO you should keep it more low-key.

Also, maybe she wanted to get railed. Then it would really make sense what she said. Cause she's looking for very different things.

Maybe she just wants something casual but I don't think so - the conversation wasn't that way inclined, and in any case I don't really enjoy casual sex so it would be a bad match for us, which is fine. The context of the text is we were talking about how dating is very 'structured' and can leave you numb, I said as a guy I realise you have to adapt to the world as it is (and not how you'd like it to be), but if you're having to lead things all the time and fit into that traditional role then it can make you feel numb and that it's better that both partners get to feel 'picked'. She mentioned her own misgivings about dating etc. so the conv ran both ways. It might not be 'low-key' and this might screen her out, but to be honest is that such a bad outcome? What confuses me is the one (not obviously weird) comment trigger, and then the coming back after I dig a bit deeper (but not pushy) and her enthusiasm is renewed. An update: I have a date with this girl next week if I want it, she's given me her availability and seems enthusiastic (she may flake, distinct possibility)

Initially I discounted your explanation about pickiness as I dated during covid, too, and didn't have this issue. But perhaps there is an influx of men on apps in the UK right now. Venues are reopening and indoor areas of bars, restaurants etc. are open from Monday, so this may have encouraged more men to get online. On the other hand, I haven't seen an influx of women on the apps in this same period.

 

[APJ]

Thats just how women are, even with men who are very good looking. Women dont know what goes through their head or how to put it in to language so their true feelings are completely lost through a text message where they have to consolidate their thoughts and type them out.

There are a thousand different reasons these things can happen, all revolving around females being crazy. Maybe she is not interested in you in the first place but she doesnt want to just say “no i dont like you” so she keeps talking with you, or maybe she sees you at first and is interested but then later she has some unrelated crazy emotional outburst and she gets angry and takes it out on you. Maybe she is interested but her friends tell her you are no good so she stops talking to you. But then a few days later she feels better about it so then she texts you back. And all kinds of shit like this

Your second paragraph here is absolutely on the money. I think to some degree it's always been like this. Maybe the sensory overload of the country returning to normality is fucking with these girls' heads and making them extra volatile

As an aside, it's so vile how a girl's friends have such an effect on her decision-making wrt guys. Repulsive. Thankful we really don't have the same thing on our side.

 

[EverythingMattersCel]

Your second paragraph here is absolutely on the money. I think to some degree it's always been like this. Maybe the sensory overload of the country returning to normality is fucking with these girls' heads and making them extra volatile

As an aside, it's so vile how a girl's friends have such an effect on her decision-making wrt guys. Repulsive. Thankful we really don't have the same thing on our side.

The mirroring effect is very real. They don't have individual preferences. It's basically a hivemind because they are a bunch of scared sheep. You need to pass the looks requirement not just of the girl but also everyone in her friend's group, or it's over for you.

 

[DaddyLooksmax]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

Just recently had a girl text me first on Tinder, saying that I'm beautiful, offering to cook for me, gave me her number, scheduled a date which she accepted with enthusiasm. The day before she cancels because "she tested positive to Covid" without rescheduling.

Now, she wasn't even that appealing to me (even though we matched) but I gave her a chance anyway because why not, I also care about personality in a woman and I am charitable with my body, but I guess she can get bigger chads than me, so, good for her. I would do the same.

 

[Deleted member 2268]

ur experience sounds very similar to mine

Literally OMG ur so hot, lets hang

2 days later ghosted or blocked on snap for no reason


rinse repeat, its so toxic for ur mental health all the push and pull

What is your flake % on dates you set up?

 

[Deleted member 2268]

Just recently had a girl text me first on Tinder, saying that I'm beautiful, offering to cook for me, gave me her number, scheduled a date which she accepted with enthusiasm. The day before she cancels because "she tested positive to Covid" without rescheduling.

Now, she wasn't even that appealing to me (even though we matched) but I gave her a chance anyway because why not, I also care about personality in a woman and I am charitable with my body, but I guess she can get bigger chads than me, so, good for her. I would do the same.

Nah could be 100 other things like not in the mood, on her period, scared to meet up etc. Stop thinking logically women are emotional

 

[Amnesia]

What is your flake % on dates you set up?

least half

even with girls I am FWB with for a while flake a lot on me when we try to ser something up

flaking is just a part of life with girls nowadays

 

[Deleted member 2268]

least half

even with girls I am FWB with for a while flake a lot on me when we try to ser something up

flaking is just a part of life with girls nowadays

It could be because you are setting them up straight to the house. How many dates do you set up per week usually

 

[Alt Number 3]

they have that many options. they are basically looking for the smallest detail to critique and throw matches in the bin. because there is simply no time to have sex with tens of thousands of guys they have matched with in a week. all chads go in the bin first. and the gigachads are selected thorughly for their personality traits. so they are pretty much doing 'Build a Bear' but by making the perfect guy possible.its insane how bad this has gotten.