Strafe
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RIVER SURFING
If you live in an area with rivers (anything that people Kayak or Tube in) you are doing yourself a major disservice by not taking this sport up as a hobby.
River surfing or River running is a sport that involves “running” a river on a special inflatable standup paddle board. While the board is a little expensive, it is rentable at most river tour places and is incredibly durable. It will practically never pop unless you are bombing Niagara Falls in winter.
“Football and Soccer both mog it” you might say, and you’d be right. Except that when you play either in front of a crowd, you’re usually playing against people as good as or better than you. In River Surfing your direct competition is fat boomers and incompetent college kids in kayaks.
Many times when you paddle past a group with girls they will make a comment: “Wow, what is that thing?” “That looks awesome!”, this is your IOI). If you’re skilled enough you can turn your board and float backwards sitting down while facing them casually to talk (giga skill mog). If you’re already looksmaxxed, You’ll usually hard mog any groups of college kids enough that you can get numbers from one or two girls even if they’re in a group with guys (which is your goal).
The paddling is just the frosting on the cake though. The real mogging comes when you arrive at what’s called a standing wave. They appear in many rivers and are basically a wave that stands still and last indefinitely. Surf that bitch and mog every Kayakcel that floats past. I had JBs screaming and cheering and pulling off to watch me for half an hour while I did tricks and shit.
“But Strafe,” you begin to type furiously “those guys are dressed like retards”
And you’d be right again.
Don’t dress like that guy, especially if you’re gymnaxxed and Tattoomaxxed. Go shirtless and without a helmet (unless you’re planning on running high level rapids). It is such great upper body and core excessive that you will be puffed up the whole time. You will need shin, wrist, and ankle guards though, but they’re stylish enough that you look more like an X games athlete than a special Olympian.
I’m maybe a 5PSL but I get insane IOIs doing this, more than I’ve gotten before in my life combined. I’ve even gotten a number while still on the river. I live near a college town so there is an absurd amount of girls on the rivers at all times. So far I’ve only done 6 mile sprints, but I’m going on a 30 mile run early next week, I’ll record my slaying success for posterity.
Recommended Gear
- Board: I wouldn’t recommend buying a board until you know that this is a sport you’re interested in. Boards are able to be rented pretty much anywhere that rents out Tubes and Kayaks. Most people won’t touch them because they’re difficult to ride. If you’re going to buy one buy it from Badfish.
Badfish Inflatable Paddleboards & River Surfboards
Inflatable paddleboards for adventure, down river runs and river surfing. Designed and paddled by professional river guides, made for river rats in Salida, Colorado.
badfishsup.com
- Fins: You’re gonna need low profile river fins if you don’t want to crash and die
Surfboard Fins for sale | eBay
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- Clothes: Whatever swim trunks you normally wear are fine. Any shin/wrist/ankle guards are ok, but you should get ones that are light that dont hold water. I only use a helmet on high level rapids. Otherwise I just use a slouch hat or straw hat to keep the sun out of my face.
