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6.5PSL
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*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
It's 6 AM, dark as night outside, and your alarm clock awakens you from a dream where you were back in your childhood. You glance outside your window in your 5th story apartment and look over the calm city. You notice a little snow on the outside of the window. You open the window to be confronted with dead silence, only the calm wind radiating through the city. You ball up some of the snow and throw it into the distance -- it reminds you of the time in 4th grade when school got cancelled. You remember how you peacefully woke up, feeling you overslept, but then realized it was the snow day you dreamed of. Your mom brought you hot cocoa and you got the play games with your friends the rest of the day, not having a worry in the world. You talked over voice chat with your friends about how you liked a girl and were thinking of asking her out soon. They encouraged you that you got it and all it takes is some confidence and you'll get her.
You phase back into reality though. It's been so many years since you've really had even an intimate conversation with a girl it hurts to even try from the embarrassment. You look across the city to your office building, not even having rage over your job, but a sad sense of accepting that this is just your life. There's no changing the past, anything you could've or should've done doesn't matter anymore.
After getting ready, you head to work as the sun is rising and coincidentally run into the girl you had a crush on all those years ago. You ask her about work and she says she's working in banking at a top firm and started this week. She asks about how you're doing and you just lie saying everything is fine but when she asks about how your relationship life and social life is you awkwardly try and shrug if off that you're "really busy with work". She says, "You know what's funny. I liked you back in elementary school! I assume you didn't like me back but I always thought you were kind of cute back then."
You think about how even though you liked her and your friends encouraged you to ask her out, you feared rejection so much you never could bring yourself to doing so. You think about how this kept on compounding and compounding over years until you were in your mid-20s and had no experiences with girls that you couldn't even start as you didn't know how to talk to them and they expected you to have experience.
You say goodbye to her and keep walking to work. You begin to be filled with a mix of self-hatred and sadness. You think, why have I done this to myself? I only get one shot in life and I've practically already ruined it! I'm 40 with no girlfriend, a job I hate and nothing to be remembered for. I would give anything in the world to go back and just do the things I wanted!
You keep thinking about your past as you walk to school, reminsicing over when you were just a kid and so close with your family and friends. You realize that's all you ever think about to make you happy -- the past. You think about how every good dream you have takes place 30 years ago when you were just a kid and loved life. There was nothing to worry about, a whole life ahead! A life with so many beautiful and exciting possible outcomes within your control, but you could just never take steer if life and do the things you always wished and wanted to do. Your emotions come out visibly for the first time in years, to the point you are in agony over your regret. You silently cry the rest of the way to work but begin to calm yourself in thinking "I still have 40 years ahead of me. Maybe it's not over yet."
It's 6 AM, dark as night outside, and your alarm clock awakens you from a dream where you were back in your childhood. You glance outside your window in your 5th story apartment and look over the calm city. You notice a little snow on the outside of the window. You open the window to be confronted with dead silence, only the calm wind radiating through the city. You ball up some of the snow and throw it into the distance -- it reminds you of the time in 4th grade when school got cancelled. You remember how you peacefully woke up, feeling you overslept, but then realized it was the snow day you dreamed of. Your mom brought you hot cocoa and you got the play games with your friends the rest of the day, not having a worry in the world. You talked over voice chat with your friends about how you liked a girl and were thinking of asking her out soon. They encouraged you that you got it and all it takes is some confidence and you'll get her.
You phase back into reality though. It's been so many years since you've really had even an intimate conversation with a girl it hurts to even try from the embarrassment. You look across the city to your office building, not even having rage over your job, but a sad sense of accepting that this is just your life. There's no changing the past, anything you could've or should've done doesn't matter anymore.
After getting ready, you head to work as the sun is rising and coincidentally run into the girl you had a crush on all those years ago. You ask her about work and she says she's working in banking at a top firm and started this week. She asks about how you're doing and you just lie saying everything is fine but when she asks about how your relationship life and social life is you awkwardly try and shrug if off that you're "really busy with work". She says, "You know what's funny. I liked you back in elementary school! I assume you didn't like me back but I always thought you were kind of cute back then."
You think about how even though you liked her and your friends encouraged you to ask her out, you feared rejection so much you never could bring yourself to doing so. You think about how this kept on compounding and compounding over years until you were in your mid-20s and had no experiences with girls that you couldn't even start as you didn't know how to talk to them and they expected you to have experience.
You say goodbye to her and keep walking to work. You begin to be filled with a mix of self-hatred and sadness. You think, why have I done this to myself? I only get one shot in life and I've practically already ruined it! I'm 40 with no girlfriend, a job I hate and nothing to be remembered for. I would give anything in the world to go back and just do the things I wanted!
You keep thinking about your past as you walk to school, reminsicing over when you were just a kid and so close with your family and friends. You realize that's all you ever think about to make you happy -- the past. You think about how every good dream you have takes place 30 years ago when you were just a kid and loved life. There was nothing to worry about, a whole life ahead! A life with so many beautiful and exciting possible outcomes within your control, but you could just never take steer if life and do the things you always wished and wanted to do. Your emotions come out visibly for the first time in years, to the point you are in agony over your regret. You silently cry the rest of the way to work but begin to calm yourself in thinking "I still have 40 years ahead of me. Maybe it's not over yet."
