# You need a bit of confidence.



## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

You need a bit of confidence.

I know from experience. There have been times in my life where I have been a fine-looking guy who lacks confidence. Fearful voice and avoiding eye contact, etc. Guess what, when girls got attracted to me because of my looks, the initial attraction was gone after they noticed my weak voice during the conversation. I think you refer to guys like these as "mentalcels" and it certainly is a true phenomenon.

Especially for LTR looks alone won't carry you.

I get the sense that a lot of users here suffer from a lack of confidence. Even if you manage to improve your looks, you still need to have some confidence. Otherwise, you will often notice that girls give you IOIs until they discuss with you, and then suddenly the attraction is gone when they notice that your behavior isn't in sync with your good looks.

Girls probably subconsciously think that this guy looks good yet behaves like an insecure subhuman - what the fuck is going on?

Try to feel good about yourself. Try to realize that people don't care about what you say as much as you think they care. Realize that one girl doesn't matter that much (if you get obsessed with a girl, as often happens with oneitis, you might become unconfident). Someone else might have better tips. But the fact is that if you have anxiety issues or stuff like that, you need to. Don't go fully autistic with "it's only about looks", it's not, I can tell you that.

If you have problems with social skills/anxiety/confidence, start improving them right now. Being confident and feeling good about yourself improves your quality of life, makes getting friends easier, etc.

This is a similar topic to the be calm topic, but you can be confident even if you aren't very calm, however, I think being calm is good advice on its own too.

@Hozay @eduardkoopman @Jamesothy @Yolosweg @TRUE_CEL @indianoutlaw @higgabigga @Ocelot


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

When you look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself that you are one good-looking slayer.

When you talk to girls, realize that it's a privilege for girls to talk to you. You aren't begging for their acceptance.

Girls chase attractive men - just as it should be.


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## Deleted member 5746 (Mar 14, 2021)

Easier said than done for sure, but I agree


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## BlessedGael (Mar 14, 2021)

Nightly affirmations helps


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## Uglyandfat (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> You need a bit of confidence.
> 
> I know from experience. There have been times in my life where I have been a fine-looking guy who lacks confidence. Fearful voice and avoiding eye contact, etc. Guess what, when girls got attracted to me because of my looks, the initial attraction was gone after they noticed my weak voice during the conversation. I think you refer to guys like these as "mentalcels" and it certainly is a true phenomenon.
> 
> ...


anyone who’s been in an ltr knows this already JFL but confidence comes from your looks anwyay


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## Deleted member 12669 (Mar 14, 2021)

BlessedGael said:


> Nightly affirmations helps


How


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

Uglyandfat said:


> anyone who’s been in an ltr knows this already JFL but confidence comes from your looks anwyay


Not always. My confidence has been on a rollercoaster ride during some years of my life yet my looks level has been pretty stable apart from some episodes of when I was chubby.


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## Uglyandfat (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> Not always. My confidence has been on a rollercoaster ride during some years of my life yet my looks level has been pretty stable apart from some episodes of when I was chubby.


if you’re objectively good looking and mentally stable you will be confident it’s like saying a salesmen can sell a 1 dollar pen for 100 dollars he will have minimal confidence but if he sells a 300 dollar pen for 200 dollars he will have high confidence you can use the dollars examples to looksmatches


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

Uglyandfat said:


> if you’re objectively good looking and mentally stable you will be confident


Not always. People on PSL forums seem to think that good-looking people live totally different lives, but the fact is that many of them suffer from similar problems than normies - especially if we don't talk about 10/10 gigachads. 

Looks will make becoming confident easier for sure. When you realize that girls are into you because of your looks, it will make it easier for you to be confident because you know that there are a lot of girls that want to be with you, so you can be relaxed with one girl.


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> suffer from a lack of confidence.
> Even if you manage to improve your looks, you still need to have some confidence
> 
> Try to feel good about yourself. Try to realize that people don't care about what you say as much as you think they care. Realize that one girl doesn't matter that much (if you get obsessed with a girl, as often happens with oneitis, you might become unconfident). Someone else might have better tips.


How to get more confident?

Base level confidence is pretty set, by age 7 orso already.
So, you have limited possibleility, to increase confidence. But there is still some room.

It's cool, to know. That confidence, is not 100% constant at all. One can fluctuate, during the day. In that sense.

How to improve?
1. "internal". certain believes, that make one less funerable to taking a hit. 
Stuff like: opinion of others don't matter much (good or bad reponses). Telling yourself your good points regularly, and your achievements. etc..
2. "external". Reaility is, that feedback from the world matters. Looking good, and haveing people get happy from you. Gives positive feedbacks, which can influence ones own view of self.


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## Uglyandfat (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> Looks will make becoming confident easier for sure. When you realize that girls are into you because of your looks, it will make it easier for you to be confident because you know that there are a lot of girls that want to be with you, so you can be relaxed with one girl.


u just proved my point boyo


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## pakipassion (Mar 14, 2021)

very important point for life

I had anxiety, overthinking and stress issues , and got into depression because of academic reason , it was after coming out of that depression I realized how important is emotional health for your happiness , I worked a lot on it and now I am much more happy, confident, and motivated , some sources that helped me a lot 

Andrew Huberman Podacast on youtube , this is gem , the guy is professor of neuropshycology at stanford , much better than every tdh motivational speaker nowadays

headspace meditation app(to improve your alertness and situational awarness of present)


Basically the bottomline is most of your anxiety issues can be solved by re framing a situation.Every situation that doesnt involve legit life threatening harm to you and yours family can be reframed.


But this require training of mind that require lots of paractice and development of habbits that can take several weeks to show results.


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

Uglyandfat said:


> u just proved my point boyo


Nope, I didn't. You said that confidence comes from looks. That's not the case always. You can be GL yet suffer from mental issues or lack of confidene. I said that looks help you to become confident, but it doesn't mean that good-looking people are always confident.


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## Deleted member 11053 (Mar 14, 2021)

I was like that before. Discovering the blackpill during that time would have helped me a lot cause i was very confused to why girls were even approaching me and tried to get close to me when i had very low self esteem and no charisma, i though that it was what make you attractive. If i knew that it was just cause i was gl it would've gave me the confidence to just be myself and stop worrying so much on appearing confident or charismatic.


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## pakipassion (Mar 14, 2021)

eduardkoopman said:


> How to get more confident?
> 
> Base level confidence is pretty set, by age 7 orso already.
> So, you have limited possibleility, to increase confidence. But there is still some room.
> ...


you can change your mindest as adult but it require much more effort and traning , this phenomena is called nueroplasticity.


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## Uglyandfat (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> You can be GL yet suffer from mental issues or lack of confidene.


i literally said “if you’re objectively good looking and mentally stable” not every good looking person is confident


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

Uglyandfat said:


> not every good looking person is confident


Great. And hence they should try to become confident.


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## Deleted member 756 (Mar 14, 2021)

higgabigga said:


> Easier said than done for sure, but I agree


You’re very confident


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## Deleted member 756 (Mar 14, 2021)

Uglyandfat said:


> i literally said “if you’re objectively good looking and mentally stable” not every good looking person is confident


You’re good looking, tall and confident


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## LowInhibMaxx (Mar 14, 2021)

Can daily kratom / phenibut help to get there? I need just a little push.


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## Jamesothy (Mar 14, 2021)

After a certain basic level of attractiveness is achieved, knowing how to be attractive becomes much more important that being physically attractive itself. This is more relevant to men, because we're supposed to be the ones who lead the way/set the tone in our interactions with women. If it was the other way around then yes, looks alone might be able to carry you.


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## ilyess (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> girls give you IOIs until they discuss with you, and then suddenly the attraction is gone when they notice that your behavior isn't in sync with your good looks.


soml


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> When you look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself that you are one good-looking slayer.


The reality is though.

If you tell it to yourself. But in real life, you don't get that re-inforcement.
One needs a mind that is a super-coper; to keep believing that.

I tried self-inforcement in the past. But I never got compliments on muh looks. And reactions when chatting up a woman that was not positive. THAN, my mind is (sadly) smart enough, I'm not that cool looking.

Now, I look better. And I get somewhat regularly compliments on my looks, in direct ways, or indirect ways. And body language of peoples.
AND, than one kinda don't needs to go self-enforce in front of the mirror (as much).

Sincere compliments one gets from others, and praise. helps.
Which may happens, when you looks good.

*******


QuIOTE (children and adults, it works the same imo):
*2. Praise Sincerely*​(read "The Ultimate Guide to Praising Your Kids" here)

It’s a common misconception that _constant praise_ will help our kids build self-esteem. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with praising your child, but it’s important to give praise* sparingly.*

Over-praising our children (“You’re perfect!” and “You’re the best artist in the whole world!”) can actually do more harm than good.

Jim Taylor explains that over-praising our children _“lowers the bar”_ for them. If kids grow up hearing that they’re the best at everything, they may never push themselves to continue improving. Real, lasting confidence comes from trying, failing, and making hard-earned progress.

It’s also important to praise our kids *genuinely*. Don’t tell your child they’re an excellent speller if they aren’t (yet).

Psychologist Wulf-Uwe Meyer found that while children under seven tend to accept praise at face value, older children are more suspicious of excessive praise.

For instance, older children in Meyer’s study believed that receiving_ effusive_ praise from a teacher was actually a sign of _performing poorly_. They noticed that struggling students were often drowned in praise, so they believed praise was a sign that the teacher felt a student needed extra encouragement.

Psychologists Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark Lepper, who analyzed over 30 years of studies on the effects of praise, report that insincere praise can make children think you feel sorry for them, are manipulating them, or simply don’t understand them.

So while we might think we’re encouraging our kids with even insincere praise, they may actually view it as a sign of failure. Instead, give your child genuine praise for genuine achievements.


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

eduardkoopman said:


> The reality is though.
> 
> If you tell it to yourself. But in real life, you don't get that re-inforcement.
> One needs a mind that is a super-coper; to keep believing that.
> ...


Yes, I think this works if you can plausibly believe what you say and you need to just realize/reinforce that thought.


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## ilyess (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> start improving them right now.


h..h how


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## Deleted member 4632 (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> Especially for LTR looks alone won't carry you.


Stopped reading


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## Deleted member 10602 (Mar 14, 2021)

N1666 said:


> How


LARPing as different personality can help


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## itorroella9 (Mar 14, 2021)

tldr on a non-bluepilled way: stop being a cuck and be dominant and assertive


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## LowInhibMaxx (Mar 14, 2021)

BobTheSnail said:


> Can daily kratom / phenibut help to get there? I need just a little push.


bump


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## Deleted member 795 (Mar 14, 2021)

you are right! I must ask that girl out!
EDIT: She rejected







_Actual edit: I was joking_


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> Yes, I think this works if you can plausibly believe what you say and you need to just realize/reinforce that thought.


Some people can do this better, than others. When the feedback from the world is different, than what yiu try to re-informce yourself.

People, that can do that better. Are usually very good in coping, and not that factual based. Which maye actually be a good thing.
But I'm to a large extend not like that. My mind is not that great, in being delusional.

These below 2 people manage to remain confident, after negative feedback from the world. I bet they are very good, at makeing themselfes plausiby believe they are great singers/rappers.


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

BobTheSnail said:


> bump


I can't help you, I don't even know what Kraton or Phenibut is.


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## volcelfatcel (Mar 14, 2021)

Good post but I still think being socially accepted and good looking early in life like elementary school and middle school is very vital to forming self esteem, even after u ascend thru puberty you will have insane trust issues. Gandy still has remains of mentalcel issues now, constant fidgeting, can't keep eye contact, a bit of stuttering all because he was bullied in school for being fat and starting puberty late. Shit like that never escapes you, having good looks deffo helps a lot with it though. Bit brutal that even Gandy couldn't escape mentalcel issues and he was one of the best looking men ever, I can't imagine subhumans in most teen years but then they become chads with puberty but they all suffer from trust and mentalcel issues and shit self esteem


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

volcelfatcel said:


> Good post but I still think being socially accepted and good looking early in life like elementary school and middle school is very vital to forming self esteem, even after u ascend thru puberty you will have insane trust issues. Gandy still has remains of mentalcel issues now, constant fidgeting, can't keep eye contact, a bit of stuttering all because he was bullied in school for being fat and starting puberty late. Shit like that never escapes you, having good looks deffo helps a lot with it though.


You are probably right, but you can't change the past, now you have to play with the cards you were dealt.


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

volcelfatcel said:


> Good post but I still think being socially accepted and good looking early in life like elementary school and middle school is very vital to forming self esteem,


some research, even says it happens a bit earlier.
How you getb treated, as a small child.
Better be a cute looking baby, I guess??

quotes:
"Our findings suggest that self-esteem, feeling good or bad about yourself, is fundamental"
"We found that as young as five years of age self-esteem is established strongly enough to be measured"
"Not only does it seem that young children have strong feelings of self-esteem at the age of five, it also appears that these feelings are linked to gender identities and in-group preferences.






Children's Self-Esteem Is Established by The Age of Five, Says a New Report


How we feel about ourselves could be set as early as the age of five, according to the latest research from academics at the University of Washington.




www.sciencealert.com


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## volcelfatcel (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> You are probably right, but you can't change the past, now you have to play with the cards you were dealt.


Any girl wouldn't refuse Chad with mentalcel issues but Chad could make himself impossible to be approached or even approach women because he ascended late and was socially rejected, then randomly all these compliments start and you think it's all bullshit because no one liked you before so what reason do you have now to be liked. It's rough with this masc Chad in my school he was treated horribly before but everyone wants him now and he doesn't believe any of it because everyone made fun of him. It would be interesting to see a post on how to tackle mentalcel issues after ascending. I think the psychology of being rejected socially and ascending is interesting.


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## volcelfatcel (Mar 14, 2021)

eduardkoopman said:


> some research, even says it happens a bit earlier.
> How you getb treated, as a small child.
> Better be a cute looking baby, I guess??
> 
> ...


Yeah I wouldn't doubt it. I said school more because you interact with those people everyday, those experiences socially stick with you for the rest of your life. I'd say it's just as bad if not worse from your parents favoring your siblings more than you, I've had it happen and it killed any form of love and connection I had to them as my other two brothers are close to them but I barely talk to them in a week


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## mewcoper (Mar 14, 2021)

try to getting friends after 23 its too tryhard men just rope


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> You are probably right, but you can't change the past, now you have to play with the cards you were dealt.


true that. The room, there is for imporveing it. WHEN it's not good. One has to try, to maxx out.

Looking good as possible. Has been a way that I could make it better. I always searched before to imporve it, by internal measures. But I found, that I could actually better imporve it by pumping up muh looks. By accident, I found this out.
For me that worls better.
For example. Someone saying to me, that I make them think of John Wick (in looks). deffo helps muh sense of self esteem a little bit.


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

volcelfatcel said:


> Yeah I wouldn't doubt it. I said school more because you interact with those people everyday, those experiences socially stick with you for the rest of your life. I'd say it's just as bad if not worse from your parents favoring your siblings more than you, I've had it happen and it killed any form of love and connection I had to them as my other two brothers are close to them but I barely talk to them in a week


truth.
the older I get. the better I see.

Youth happenings, either makes or brakes you. Giga important time


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

mewcoper said:


> try to getting friends after 23 its too tryhard men just rope


can make friends always.
when older, they develop more along common goals, interests. That's the big difference with youth.


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## volcelfatcel (Mar 14, 2021)

eduardkoopman said:


> truth.
> the older I get. the better I see.
> 
> Youth happenings, either makes or brakes you. Giga important time


And you can't even control it. My parents generally favored my younger and older brother more. I had to work part time to get money to buy myself dummbbells to exercise at home because they thought it was a waste of money, when they bought my older brother his own car fully jfl. Shit like that makes you doubt yourself big time you'd expect your parents to help you but they don't.


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## eduardkoopman (Mar 14, 2021)

volcelfatcel said:


> And you can't even control it. My parents generally favored my younger and older brother more. I had to work part time to get money to buy myself dummbbells to exercise at home because they thought it was a waste of money, when they bought my older brother his own car fully jfl. Shit like that makes you doubt yourself big time you'd expect your parents to help you but they don't.


True that. You have borderline zero control over that. It's a human cope idea, that we think we have so much control. Our control in youth, is very very low. later in life, maybe some more control can exist, but one is than also already build up largely and mostly by the core building blocks for youth. So. Yeah. That's a brutal blackpill about the mental things.


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## Deleted member 11388 (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> You need a bit of confidence.
> 
> I know from experience. There have been times in my life where I have been a fine-looking guy who lacks confidence. Fearful voice and avoiding eye contact, etc. Guess what, when girls got attracted to me because of my looks, the initial attraction was gone after they noticed my weak voice during the conversation. I think you refer to guys like these as "mentalcels" and it certainly is a true phenomenon.
> 
> ...


true, i think my confidence and not giving a shit brought me quite far with girls.

I consider myself top 20% of looks with top 20% game/confidence so that total is like top 1% i am litterally better than any guy she gonna meet anyway.

You need to consider yourself a 11 while the max she can be is a 9-10 because she is actually lower than you just by being a female. 

Problem is most guys consider themselves whatever number 5-9/10 and when they assign a number higher to the girl than they did to themselves they think they cant get that girl.

Thats why rating girls/yourself from 1-10 is bad. 


Thats why there is a advice that worked wonders for me and helped me with all my slays is :"never compliment girl on her apperance" 
partly because you give her validation, partly because you put her above you when you tell her she is cute/hot etc


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

Yolosweg said:


> true, i think my confidence and not giving a shit brought me quite far with girls.
> 
> I consider myself top 20% of looks with top 20% game/confidence so that total is like top 1% i am litterally better than any guy she gonna meet anyway.
> 
> ...


Exactly. Don't put girls on a pedestal.


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## lifestyle21873 (Mar 14, 2021)

100% true post but most people here are delusional retards that think they life will suddenly be amazing if they looksmax while forgetting everything else


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## pakipassion (Mar 14, 2021)

Yolosweg said:


> true, i think my confidence and not giving a shit brought me quite far with girls.
> 
> I consider myself top 20% of looks with top 20% game/confidence so that total is like top 1% i am litterally better than any guy she gonna meet anyway.
> 
> ...


men overrate women big time , i was surprised when I once heard a pretty girl farting , i mean i was shoked how can she do this dirty stuff , she is so pretty.


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## Wallenberg (Mar 14, 2021)

lifestyle21873 said:


> 100% true post but most people here are delusional retards that think they life will suddenly be amazing if they looksmax while forgetting everything else


10/10 gigachads live a different life than normies, but most good-looking guys are maybe like 8 and 7/10 and they have similar issues than 5 and 6/10 guys. 

There's a reason why even statusmaxed chads commit suicides etc.


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## lifestyle21873 (Mar 14, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> 10/10 gigachads live a different life than normies, but most good-looking guys are maybe like 8 and 7/10 and they have similar issues than 5 and 6/10 guys.
> 
> There's a reason why even statusmaxed chads commit suicides etc.


10/10 giga chads are literally one in 10 million why even try to compare


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## RODEBLUR (Mar 14, 2021)

i'm more confident than i should be to the point it's a bad thing. still no bitches tho


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## pizza (Mar 14, 2021)

redpill


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## Deleted member 5048 (Mar 14, 2021)

every word


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## TRUE_CEL (Mar 14, 2021)

good thread jew bro


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## HurtfulVanity (Mar 14, 2021)

This is all legit I’ve been trying to reflect in the morning and at night trying to learn how to control my anxiety and really see why I I’m doing what I’m doing and what I can do to improve myself and the experience of others around me which is called being “present”.
Got bullied in elementary was always very small and weak compared to others so I developed a very negative personality and self esteem with no positive reinforcement at home just being compared to other kids. Now I had a late puberty managed to fuck up my good relationships now I’m back to square one fuck this


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## volcelfatcel (Mar 14, 2021)

HurtfulVanity said:


> This is all legit I’ve been trying to reflect in the morning and at night trying to learn how to control my anxiety and really see why I I’m doing what I’m doing and what I can do to improve myself and the experience of others around me which is called being “present”.
> Got bullied in elementary was always very small and weak compared to others so I developed a very negative personality and self esteem with no positive reinforcement at home just being compared to other kids. Now I had a late puberty managed to fuck up my good relationships now I’m back to square one fuck this


Brutal. I'm minimizing as much as possible my mentalcel issues before I lean out, I still think I'll resent being treated better solely because I changed how I look and that might make my mental issues even worse. Those early years are crucial, no matter how you ascend you cannot hide them they are stuck, gandy had remaining mentalcel issues.


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## Deleted member 9787 (Mar 15, 2021)

I’m only insecure about my height and that’s rightfully so


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## Deleted member 9787 (Mar 15, 2021)

.


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## Deleted member 275 (Mar 15, 2021)

Wallenberg said:


> when girls got attracted to me because of my looks
> 
> girls give you IOIs
> 
> Girls probably subconsciously think that this guy looks good


80% of guys in the world will never reach a level of looks where this happens.

This is why confidence is a low priority and looks/value is the main priority in life. Confidence comes from success anyways.


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## Mongrelcel (Mar 15, 2021)

I dont know about that, when I find myself in the rare social situation where everyone is on my level or even a bigger subhuman, I'm pretty confident


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