Blackout.xl
Retired.
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- Sep 13, 2019
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I’m on the worst 5 year run of all time rn but 2012 was so bad on its own.
I start the year and spent January till September in some women’s shelter because my mum is paranoid about some shit. I know nobody and nobody knows me. My mum made some friends but I made a total of 1 who I still know and occasionally talk to.
All the kids were fucked up, as expected. I was around 10 and this time and talking to this foid. Crazy bitch. Tried to relate with her and become friends. I wish I had more sexual desires back then, so I could of experimented.
At this new school in some rich part of my city it was 99% white. I was the only black kid from GR 1-8. Naturally didn’t make a lot of friends outside this small group. In which I was a middle man. I made something for myself and was somewhat respected, but never got invited to shit outside one event. More on this later.
Around May 2012 I get invited to my first sleep over and it was genuinely one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had in the past 10 years. We played nerf wars and I gifted this guy mw2 for the ps3 he wanted to get. I tried to play games on my iPhone 4s but they said sleep bruh so I did. Woke up, had a kings breakfast with them and went home. That’s the only upside of this year
After which they drop me off at the shelter and like the rich out of touch white people they are, they get curious and search up the fucking location. Just to find out that it’s a shelter. So they start flexing and said my mum lied or some shit, etc.
Around this time this shelter hosted walks with all the other kids and an adult monitor around the neighborhood. My mum always gave me extra cash to get what I wanted. These kids didn’t get that. So they were envious and always got mad when I stopped at a corner shop to get a small snack, which I often shared. Envy is a sin for a reason. It’s potent and makes you lash out. Which they always did
Summer comes and they drop me in some summer camp hosted at a protestant church. Saw one of my WASP buddies there and hit it off. We had fun and so on up until he pisses me off during pool time and I beat the shit out of him, just for a rich white female to pull me off and saying I engaged in attempted murder or some shit
I drop out and some black foid at this shelter replaces me. I say aight cool. This happens and this bitch hated my guts. She talked to me sometimes only to spite me. Said I was a joke. She talked to me one time just to notify me that my WASP buddy wasn’t actually my buddy and was talking shit behind my back. I was fuming. Hated that shit but couldn’t do anything
I talk to this 16-18 year old at the shelter and tried to be friends with him. Managed to do it a little bit but failed due to differing interests. He was thug maxxed while I was some winipedia Addict who researched tech and war. Couldn’t work
School time rolls around again and this is where shit goes from bad to worse. I start school for the first 2 days at this shelter and thought I would end the year without any major hiccups. I skipped school one day and that required me to go to church with my mum. I went and she has this mental episode. She distrusts everybody and is moving. from seat to seat. She’s erratic when talking to people. We get home and she says we’re moving out to a new place, I ask where and she says don’t worry, “jesus told me”. Then this gets extra weird and she’s holding a picture of mother Mary outside while looking at the sky. I really realized that shit was going down and knew she was crazy.
The ppl noticed it too and they called the ambulance. She didn’t want to go, so they seized her by her arm and dragged her into the ambulance, with her yelling. She gets locked up in some mental hospital for the next 3 months. Guess who’s the first person to pop up? CPS. They take me and drop me at some place, it was nice tbh. It was a Caribbean foster parent who was chill, I liked it. I learned from them. Wisdom. Man to man. I was black and they were black. It worked
Then they dump me in some black foids house and despite her being black, she’s White washed. White picket fence, upper class neighborhood, 2 kids. Etc. I come and she’s hard on me. Being a massive bitch. My Xbox 360? Locked up in a closet.
Bed times? 7 pm I’m pretty sure. Tv? Can’t watch. Cupboard and fridge? Can’t access. You need permission to get food. I’d get 1 small cup of juice per meal. The lunches for school I’d get would be soggy by lunch time and smell like shit. Couldn’t eat. While her son came in and out of his basement to scavenge what he can from the fridge and go back down to his cave, which surely smelled of piss and failure.
The kids didn’t like me that much. I was “Friends” with this group of black kids who were there but it was tense. We have this conversation of what we can’t wait for and I say I can’t wait to go back to my dad in due time. They ofc snitch on me and the foster mom warned me and said she will take away more privledges if I do it again (like going out on Sunday with some foster care worker to shitty places)
I was completely cut off from the Internet for 3-4 months. Couldn’t even own a computer. Didn’t know about anything that was going on in the world. In my room, spiders would always come and I’d have to kill them when I caught them. Hated it. The black kids moved out before me and I got their spider free, larger room with a comfy bed. Some gooks come in and they move me back to the shitty room and place the gooks in the bigger room. I hated that.
Going back to the foster mom, she was truly a total bitch. Always wanted a fight, always wanted to intimidate me. I told my parents who told CPS and as soon as I got home on the same day I told my parents, she started saying “son” and “you’re so good”. Fake ass bitch. Wanted to slit her throat.
She was dating some Jew and sometimes i‘d hear her moans as he was blowing her back out. No larp. This was due to the lack of sound proofing and short distance between her room and my room. we never spoke on it. We just accepted it and walked on, like nothing happened.
As the months went on, I became more crazy and agitated. Maybe I inherited this from my mum. This social worker makes us some baked potatoes and I ask her what the hell is this? She gets mad and scolds me. So I just look at her. I get sent up to my room and the foster mom + social worker call me to come back downstairs so I can explain myself. I say I became mad and did it. They looked at me as if I had mental issues.
At my school I became more violent and erratic. I lost so much status and friends. I went from having my group, to being a total outcast who sat on a rock alone and sometimes interacted with the group. Most definitely did not get invited to anything. This fat white passing Latino who height mogged me said he didn’t invite me to his birth day party because he doesn’t invite crazy kids. I took this to heart.
Some time after this, I remember punching him in his head multiple times for something. I forgot what it was but I punched him in his head and he didnt do anything. He just took it. So I walked away. My grades were failing and I got called down the principals office much more than the previous school year. My foster mom downgraded my math to GR 5, when I was in early GR 6. Which put me 1 year behind everybody. Idk why she did that.
At the very end, social services had this package. I opened the package and it stated that they were going to put me into a special program for kids with mental / behavioural issues. This program would of taken me out of my school I think. If I stayed there, I would of been sent to some school for At risk kids. Smh
Thankfully, by the grace of god, I get on a bus which sends me to my mums new apartment. I was happy because I finally escaped that shithole known as foster care. But this wasn’t the start of something good, it was a start of a new hell, which was 2013-2015. Rock bottom years of my life, but not worse than 2012.
I lost a lot of weight at this foster home. I went down to something like 125-130 at 5’8 or so. I’m almost sure that this foster home also caused me to have an early puberty. By the time I got out, I had accelerated height growth alongside hair on my armpit. That’s what stress does to you.
Throughout this I got to visit my parents twice a month or so.
After this whole ordeal ended and I got to go home, CPS assigned me some retard tier foid as my social worker. She was a monkey on my back. Some dumb black bitch. Always trying to find things to catch me on or things to bother me with. Would pull me out of class so I could see her, or would come to my house. I didn’t want to see her. My mother didn’t want to see her. I wanted to spit on her face whenever I saw her face.
She finally got off my back when I started GR 9. Life was really good around that time. But that’s a diff story.
In general, 2012 was fucked up for me. In all ways imaginable. From January to June of that year I saw my dad maybe once, due to what my mom said about him. Then this whole thing came down on me.
I vowed I would find my Portuguese nigga from back then. I still commit myself to it. I will find him and make up for the lost time. I liked some white bitch with brown hair and braces. She’s probably a Stacy now. She looked down upon me back then. But idk if she will look down upon me now. Idk.
That’s life.
I start the year and spent January till September in some women’s shelter because my mum is paranoid about some shit. I know nobody and nobody knows me. My mum made some friends but I made a total of 1 who I still know and occasionally talk to.
All the kids were fucked up, as expected. I was around 10 and this time and talking to this foid. Crazy bitch. Tried to relate with her and become friends. I wish I had more sexual desires back then, so I could of experimented.
At this new school in some rich part of my city it was 99% white. I was the only black kid from GR 1-8. Naturally didn’t make a lot of friends outside this small group. In which I was a middle man. I made something for myself and was somewhat respected, but never got invited to shit outside one event. More on this later.
Around May 2012 I get invited to my first sleep over and it was genuinely one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had in the past 10 years. We played nerf wars and I gifted this guy mw2 for the ps3 he wanted to get. I tried to play games on my iPhone 4s but they said sleep bruh so I did. Woke up, had a kings breakfast with them and went home. That’s the only upside of this year
After which they drop me off at the shelter and like the rich out of touch white people they are, they get curious and search up the fucking location. Just to find out that it’s a shelter. So they start flexing and said my mum lied or some shit, etc.
Around this time this shelter hosted walks with all the other kids and an adult monitor around the neighborhood. My mum always gave me extra cash to get what I wanted. These kids didn’t get that. So they were envious and always got mad when I stopped at a corner shop to get a small snack, which I often shared. Envy is a sin for a reason. It’s potent and makes you lash out. Which they always did
Summer comes and they drop me in some summer camp hosted at a protestant church. Saw one of my WASP buddies there and hit it off. We had fun and so on up until he pisses me off during pool time and I beat the shit out of him, just for a rich white female to pull me off and saying I engaged in attempted murder or some shit
I drop out and some black foid at this shelter replaces me. I say aight cool. This happens and this bitch hated my guts. She talked to me sometimes only to spite me. Said I was a joke. She talked to me one time just to notify me that my WASP buddy wasn’t actually my buddy and was talking shit behind my back. I was fuming. Hated that shit but couldn’t do anything
I talk to this 16-18 year old at the shelter and tried to be friends with him. Managed to do it a little bit but failed due to differing interests. He was thug maxxed while I was some winipedia Addict who researched tech and war. Couldn’t work
School time rolls around again and this is where shit goes from bad to worse. I start school for the first 2 days at this shelter and thought I would end the year without any major hiccups. I skipped school one day and that required me to go to church with my mum. I went and she has this mental episode. She distrusts everybody and is moving. from seat to seat. She’s erratic when talking to people. We get home and she says we’re moving out to a new place, I ask where and she says don’t worry, “jesus told me”. Then this gets extra weird and she’s holding a picture of mother Mary outside while looking at the sky. I really realized that shit was going down and knew she was crazy.
The ppl noticed it too and they called the ambulance. She didn’t want to go, so they seized her by her arm and dragged her into the ambulance, with her yelling. She gets locked up in some mental hospital for the next 3 months. Guess who’s the first person to pop up? CPS. They take me and drop me at some place, it was nice tbh. It was a Caribbean foster parent who was chill, I liked it. I learned from them. Wisdom. Man to man. I was black and they were black. It worked
Then they dump me in some black foids house and despite her being black, she’s White washed. White picket fence, upper class neighborhood, 2 kids. Etc. I come and she’s hard on me. Being a massive bitch. My Xbox 360? Locked up in a closet.
Bed times? 7 pm I’m pretty sure. Tv? Can’t watch. Cupboard and fridge? Can’t access. You need permission to get food. I’d get 1 small cup of juice per meal. The lunches for school I’d get would be soggy by lunch time and smell like shit. Couldn’t eat. While her son came in and out of his basement to scavenge what he can from the fridge and go back down to his cave, which surely smelled of piss and failure.
The kids didn’t like me that much. I was “Friends” with this group of black kids who were there but it was tense. We have this conversation of what we can’t wait for and I say I can’t wait to go back to my dad in due time. They ofc snitch on me and the foster mom warned me and said she will take away more privledges if I do it again (like going out on Sunday with some foster care worker to shitty places)
I was completely cut off from the Internet for 3-4 months. Couldn’t even own a computer. Didn’t know about anything that was going on in the world. In my room, spiders would always come and I’d have to kill them when I caught them. Hated it. The black kids moved out before me and I got their spider free, larger room with a comfy bed. Some gooks come in and they move me back to the shitty room and place the gooks in the bigger room. I hated that.
Going back to the foster mom, she was truly a total bitch. Always wanted a fight, always wanted to intimidate me. I told my parents who told CPS and as soon as I got home on the same day I told my parents, she started saying “son” and “you’re so good”. Fake ass bitch. Wanted to slit her throat.
She was dating some Jew and sometimes i‘d hear her moans as he was blowing her back out. No larp. This was due to the lack of sound proofing and short distance between her room and my room. we never spoke on it. We just accepted it and walked on, like nothing happened.
As the months went on, I became more crazy and agitated. Maybe I inherited this from my mum. This social worker makes us some baked potatoes and I ask her what the hell is this? She gets mad and scolds me. So I just look at her. I get sent up to my room and the foster mom + social worker call me to come back downstairs so I can explain myself. I say I became mad and did it. They looked at me as if I had mental issues.
At my school I became more violent and erratic. I lost so much status and friends. I went from having my group, to being a total outcast who sat on a rock alone and sometimes interacted with the group. Most definitely did not get invited to anything. This fat white passing Latino who height mogged me said he didn’t invite me to his birth day party because he doesn’t invite crazy kids. I took this to heart.
Some time after this, I remember punching him in his head multiple times for something. I forgot what it was but I punched him in his head and he didnt do anything. He just took it. So I walked away. My grades were failing and I got called down the principals office much more than the previous school year. My foster mom downgraded my math to GR 5, when I was in early GR 6. Which put me 1 year behind everybody. Idk why she did that.
At the very end, social services had this package. I opened the package and it stated that they were going to put me into a special program for kids with mental / behavioural issues. This program would of taken me out of my school I think. If I stayed there, I would of been sent to some school for At risk kids. Smh
Thankfully, by the grace of god, I get on a bus which sends me to my mums new apartment. I was happy because I finally escaped that shithole known as foster care. But this wasn’t the start of something good, it was a start of a new hell, which was 2013-2015. Rock bottom years of my life, but not worse than 2012.
I lost a lot of weight at this foster home. I went down to something like 125-130 at 5’8 or so. I’m almost sure that this foster home also caused me to have an early puberty. By the time I got out, I had accelerated height growth alongside hair on my armpit. That’s what stress does to you.
Throughout this I got to visit my parents twice a month or so.
After this whole ordeal ended and I got to go home, CPS assigned me some retard tier foid as my social worker. She was a monkey on my back. Some dumb black bitch. Always trying to find things to catch me on or things to bother me with. Would pull me out of class so I could see her, or would come to my house. I didn’t want to see her. My mother didn’t want to see her. I wanted to spit on her face whenever I saw her face.
She finally got off my back when I started GR 9. Life was really good around that time. But that’s a diff story.
In general, 2012 was fucked up for me. In all ways imaginable. From January to June of that year I saw my dad maybe once, due to what my mom said about him. Then this whole thing came down on me.
I vowed I would find my Portuguese nigga from back then. I still commit myself to it. I will find him and make up for the lost time. I liked some white bitch with brown hair and braces. She’s probably a Stacy now. She looked down upon me back then. But idk if she will look down upon me now. Idk.
That’s life.
