Xangsane
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A New Day: Dream Guy Discussions
It’s lunchtime, and the group of girls gathers at their usual table in the cafeteria. The mood is light, and the conversation shifts to the classic middle school topic: what their “dream guy” looks like.Kristy, always the romantic, starts things off.
Kristy: “Okay, so my dream guy is tall, obviously, with curly hair and really cute eyes. Like Adam Brody but maybe with better muscles.”
Leslie nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, I want someone tall too, but with a little edge, you know? Like Ryan from The O.C. but more dangerous.”
Emilia smiles shyly. “I think someone with a nice smile is more important. Like, he doesn’t have to be perfect, but he has to look kind.”
The girls all agree, chiming in about how important kindness and a sense of humor are.
Sara: “I don’t care about muscles or height as much, but he has to have nice eyes. Like those deep, soulful eyes you can get lost in.”
They turn to Valerie, who shrugs. “I don’t really think about it, but maybe someone artistic? Like, a guy who’s creative and has good taste.”
The conversation continues, the girls all giggling and throwing out examples from movies and TV shows.
Helene’s Turn
Finally, they turn to Helene, who has been eating her sandwich in silence, visibly unimpressed by the conversation.Kristy: “Okay, Helene, your turn. What does your dream guy look like?”
Helene finishes chewing, sets down her sandwich, and looks up at them with a completely deadpan expression.
Helene: “My ideal man must have ideal bone structure, symmetrical facial proportions, and low midface height. His jawline should be angular and sharp, with a gonial angle between 120 and 130 degrees. His cheekbones need to be high and prominent, with sufficient zygomatic projection to give his face a three-dimensional appearance.”
The table falls silent, the other girls staring at her in varying degrees of confusion and disbelief.
Patty: “What the hell does that even mean?”
Helene continues, unfazed.
Helene: “His brow ridge must be well-defined, but not overly pronounced, as that could indicate excessive masculinization. His chin should be slightly square with a clear mentolabial fold. His eyes must have low scleral show, preferably deep-set with thick lashes.”
Emilia: “Wait… are you… describing a guy or a robot?”
Helene ignores her and continues:
Helene: “He should have minimal facial fat, which creates a lean and angular appearance, and his hairline must be a Norwood 0. His lips should be full but proportional to his facial thirds.”
Kristy, completely baffled: “What’s a Norwood 0?”
Helene sighs, annoyed at their ignorance. “It means no signs of hair recession. A full, straight-across hairline. Anything beyond Norwood 1 is unacceptable.”
Leslie snorts. “Oh my god, Helene, you sound like a crazy scientist!”
Helene glares at her. “It’s not crazy. It’s science. Beauty is objective and measurable. I refuse to waste my time on someone who doesn’t meet the highest standards of aesthetic excellence.”
The Girls’ Reactions
The table erupts:Patty: “So basically you want a human Ken doll?”
Kristy: “No, she wants a Ken doll with a PhD in geometry!”
Leslie: “What’s wrong with you, Helene? Do you even care about, like, personality or love?”
Helene shrugs. “Personality is secondary. Physical appearance is the foundation of attraction. If the foundation is flawed, the relationship won’t last.”
Sara: “But… don’t you think that’s a little shallow? What about kindness, or how he treats you?”
Helene raises an eyebrow. “Kindness is irrelevant if he has a recessed chin.”
The girls dissolve into laughter, though some of them are genuinely unsettled.
Emilia: “You’re impossible, Helene. I mean, who even looks like that? Does your ‘dream guy’ even exist?”
Helene nods solemnly. “David Gandy. Jason Lewis. Chris Carmack is close but not perfect.”
Leslie: “Oh my god, we’re back to this again.”
The Group Splits Again
As the conversation winds down, the group naturally divides into two camps:- Amused but Confused: Emilia, Valerie, and Sara are baffled but not entirely judgmental. They chalk it up to Helene just being “her weird self.”
- Annoyed and Critical: Leslie, Kristy, and Patty can’t believe Helene’s bluntness. They think she’s being ridiculous and overly obsessive.
Leslie snickers. “Yeah, but only if his jawline is exactly 130 degrees.”
Helene’s Thoughts
Helene, meanwhile, walks ahead of the group, completely unbothered by their teasing. To her, their opinions are irrelevant. They’re just too emotional to understand logic, she thinks. One day, they’ll realize that I’m right.In her mind, she’s already planning her next study: a full analysis of historical male beauty standards. As far as Helene is concerned, she doesn’t need to explain herself—she’s simply ahead of her time.
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