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Kraken
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Stop developing oneitis and start being authentic and having abundance
[SLUTHATE ARCHIVE]
[SLUTHATE ARCHIVE]
1. Oneitis
Oneitis is a toxic mindset (or disease) where a man falls deeply and wholly in love with a woman to the point of obsession in a short period of time. Oneitis occurs to men who don't approach women and have limited dating options. Such men are often considered as incels (involuntary celibates). When these men find a woman, they put her on a pedestal and do all their best to impress her and to attract her (neediness). Oneitis occurs when you see a world of scarcity and not of abundance.
2. Example
Before going further, I'd like to give an example that is inspired by a story that occurred to me a year ago and that has certainly happened to you as well.
Bryan is 30 and works for Google. Because of his toxic shame, he hasn't dated any woman in his life. He is afraid of them and doesn't dare to approach and ask them out.
One day, Tatiana joins his office. Her being friendly, she initiates a lot of conversations with her colleagues, including Bryan. As a result, Bryan starts to like her. Him being unable to ask her out, he just talks to her and becomes obsessed with her, he falls deeply and wholly in love with Tatiana.
1 month later, Bryan expresses his feelings to Tatiana and tells her he likes her, which confuses her because he had been acting as a friend and a colleague all this time and wasn't expecting him to express his emotions. Her being a very nice person, she politely tells him that she's not interested.
Bryan becomes frustrated and blames Tatiana for rejecting him. Why would she reject a guy who had been so nice with her?
3. Are you a nice guy?
A nice guy is an adult male who portrays himself as being nice but does it to get something in return. That's what we call a covert contract. In other words, the nice guy is needy He prioritises the perceptions others have of him before his. As a result, he puts girls on a pedestal.
Nice guys are nice with every girl and expect something in return by being nice. Neediness means that nice guys feel the need to be approved and validated by girls. Fundamentally, this is the same thing.
The nice guy behaviour is toxic in every aspect of the relationship: for himself, for the people who are around him. Nice guys are not assertive, they make covert contracts, and blame the girl when she doesn't reciprocate.
Nice guys are also very boring because they tend to agree with everything or to shape the things they say to be validated by girls. Examples:
- Girl: I like Justin Bieber. You (who don't like Justin Bieber): "oh nice - smiles".
- Girl: I don't understand why my boyfriend left me. You: I don't understand either, you are beautiful and amazing !!!!!!!
- Girl: are you looking for sex? You: No no no no.
4. Being honest makes you non-needy
If you want to stop being a nice guy, you must carry your fucking balls and start being honest with yourself and people (including girls).
And I said "carry your fucking balls" and not "be confident". I see many men victimising themselves when someone tells them to "be confident": QQ EASIER SAID THAN DONE, QQ BE CONFIDENT HERE, BE CONFIDENT THERE. Carry your fucking balls you pussies. Do you think it's easier for me? Do you think it's easier for all the guys who are carrying their balls?
If you want to succeed in life and with girls, you must be honest, bold and vulnerable. You say and do things because you think them, not because you want to impress someone. Being honest makes you bold. Being bold makes you vulnerable.
- If a girl tells you she likes Justin Bieber but you don't, tell her that you find JB stupid.
- If a girl tells you her boyfriend left her, don't try to get her approval. Don't try to dodge the subject either. Instead, you should try to reassure her unconditionally, to make her feel better, not for you.
- If a girl asks if you are looking for sex and you do, answer yes. You can say "right now, yes" if you mean it, instead of just "yes". This very bold statement will make her polarise very fast. That's the key of seduction.
5. Girls are neutral magnets that must be polarised
Consider a girl as a neutral magnet and you as a magnetic field.
If you try to impress her and get her attention, you will shape your words and acts to get her approval. This is neediness and nice guy behaviour. The magnetic field that you will emit will break the neutral magnet and make it unreceptive. You will turn off the girl and make her unattracted.
If you are bold, honest and vulnerable with her, you will portray confidence and non-neediness because you won't care about what she thinks of your words and acts. By being yourself (honest and authentic), you will portray a magnetic field that can potentially activate the magnet and make it receptive. Sometimes, the magnet can still break.
6. Approach girls
You will seduce girls if you are honest, bold, and vulnerable with people in general. I remind you that you must be authentic even with your friends and other people in general, not just with potential girls.
You can even approach girls with that mindset, it will work.
Regardless of your objectives, if you approach girls and you are honest, bold and vulnerable with them, you will polarise some and get some numbers
If you tell a girl "excuse me, I know this is random, but I like your umbrella, and I want to ask you out, can I get your number?", this will probably be random in your eyes but if you really mean it, the authenticity of your words will make her laugh and she will give you her number.
So start approaching girls to see abundance in your world.
7. Abundance and scarcity
Oneitis is a disease that affects men who see scarcity in their lives. If you want to no longer see scarcity, you must see abundance.
To see abundance in your life you must meditate and thank life for all it gave you. By doing this, you'll hopefully realise that you don't need anything else to be happy. You don't need a girl to be happy, you don't need sex to be happy, you don't need a girlfriend to be happy. Nothing makes you happy but you.
To see abundance in girls, you must approach women, define your objectives and your criteria.
8. Be a picky man
I look for a partner who is very honest and vulnerable, who is very curious, has life objectives, is a good communicator, doesn't need me to be happy, and is emotionally mature. A partner who is basically like me, because we attract what we are and we are attracted by what we are.
I don't need a girl to be happy, so I don't want a girl who needs me to be happy.
Looks-wise, I only approach girls I find beautiful with decent looks.
Being picky doesn't make you less successful with girls, on the contrary it makes you more valuable.
9. Authenticity
Everything I said in this post must come naturally. It shouldn't be forced.
- You are honest with girls because you want to be honest with people.
- You are picky because you have a list of criteria.
- You don't text her because you don't feel the need to text her, not because you want to ignore her.
10. Texting girls just for logistics should be authentic
Many people in this subreddit tell you to text only for logistics. Although this is true, it shouldn't be forced. It should be done because you mean it, because you don't feel the need to text more than that. You don't want to invest more time in the girl because you are not interested in her yet, not because you want to manipulate her.
I for instance don't text girls because I don't feel the need to get their attention. I have multiple dating options and can approach other girls if I want to hang out with them. So, I don't need to get anybody's attention. When I see them, I make them spend a good time unconditionally, without expecting something in return. If I don't like them, it's okay. I will just finish the date with them without changing my mood and I won't recontact them.
If you are overpresent by texting, you are being a nice guy, very needy and a blue pill taker. These are all synonyms.
If you manipulate girls by ignoring them on purpose, you are being a narcissist and girls will see through your bullshit very fast.
You are now wondering "so should I ignore them or text them??????". There lies your problem.
11. As men, we must own our life and don't try to blame or impress anyone
When a girl postpones a date, I give her a 2nd chance. If she postpones again or can't seem to make time for me, I stop texting her. I only want to see people who want to see me.
One girl that I asked out cancelled our date twice (in advance). The 2nd time, I just told her "listen, if you want to see me, let me know". I didn't reject her but I wanted to let her know that I wouldn't bother asking again. 2 weeks later, she recontacts me to talk to me about something that happened to her life. I replied normally, I didn't feel the need to "ignore her" because I had other dating options and didn't blame her for cancelling the dates. At the end of our discussion, she asked me out. I hadn't brought the subject of the dates in the discussion.
The key here is that you don't need to blame anyone or impress anyone when you are confident in yourself, see a world of abundance.
12. Αlpha males
Alpha males are self-centered. They don't try to impress girls (neediness) but they don't blame them either (narcissism). They are just themselves: fierce, strong, competitive, and sexually proud. Because they are what they are and do what they do, prospective mates are attracted.
13. Conclusion
Seduction is not about impressing people and it is not about doing something you are not comfortable with. Seduction is about being honest with yourself and with people. You are honest with yourself by acknowledging that you want to meet girls, don't deny it. You are honest with people because you value honesty and don't feel the need to shape reality or give half truths.
By being honest with yourself and with people, you will be really loved but also really hated. That's the key of seduction, you are yourself and are not afraid that some people hate you because you know that there are people who will like you for who you are.
If you can't be yourself, you won't polarise anyone. Nobody will hate you but nobody will love you either. So, don't try to impress people. Just be yourself. You don't need to use "pickup lines" to seduce girls. What you need to do is to clearly tell them you want to date them and ask them out. There is no problem in being honest with people.
14. My current experience
You don't have to do it directly if you are not comfortable with. There is nothing wrong in doing things progressively.
Like for everything, you can go step by step. Look, I stopped eating sugar for instance, although I have always been very fit. The first step was to stop soda, then I stopped eating sweets and chocolate, and now I don't even eat biscuits/cake or anything that contains sugar added artificially. I am very happy like this. I don't feel the need to eat sugar, although I'd still eat your birthday cake.
My current self-development went step by step as well. I started asking female friends out, just to start being more assertive, and it worked very well. I made them spend a very good time and they were happy at the end of the day. I then planned 3-4 city trips with a particular girl and again, I made her spend a very good time unconditionally, because I invited her to something I really wanted to do. I invited like 3-4 girls like this. I was very honest with the girls and stopped putting them on a pedestal. These changes made me realise what seduction was about.
After these pseudo-dates, I asked other girls out. Last week, I have had the occasion to get laid with 2 girls. The first one we were in a Netflix night and I ended up being caressing her hair and her head was on my lap. Her behaviour was screaming "fuck me" (I can read her very well), yet I didn't go further because there wasn't an emotional connection. The second one, I invited her for a drink and 3min into the conversation, we were already talking about sex. She basically knew my intentions and we could have gone further, yet she was too stressed of her life (not me) for anything to happen that night.
Right now, I can ask girls out, I can make them spend a good time unconditionally, without feeling the need to get laid with them, and I can be honest, bold, and vulnerable with anyone. My next step is to increase my cold approaching. I have already approached 1 random girl and she gave me her number, yet I'm not comfortable with cold approaching yet because I haven't done it yet. My current dates are scheduled in social media or texting. I just text for logistics as I don't need to talk to the girls.
At the end of the day, what matters is that you overcome your fears so you can be honest, bold, and vulnerable with anyone. It doesn't matter how long it takes you, it doesn't matter how you do it, what matters is that you do it. The journey is as exciting as the dates themselves.
15. References
Everything I wrote comes from my own mind and reflects my current mindset.
What allowed me to get there was reading 2 books:
- No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover
- Models by Mark Manson
I read these books only once a month ago. You don't have to read them 5 times. What you have to do is to start applying these changes in real life, like I did.
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