BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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In the past, I would have suggested Rob Zombie for this job. But after I discovered he's a liberal faggot, he shouldn't touch anything akin to a masterpiece of twisted, obscure humor. And what he did to the Munsters—that motherfucker shouldn't be allowed to touch any oldie ever again!
Using the following for the ending of my remake:
vidmax.com
THE PILOT
Here's a tale about a captain and his highly intelligent yet paranoid mate. Both of them were mighty sailing men but didn't care much about boat maintenance. They're about to travel with strange passengers into the darkness of the human soul for the survival of the fittest.
About two weeks earlier from the content above, a captain and his mate embarked with a group of tourists on a three-hour excursion from a docked cruise ship. The weather got rough, and their tiny ship got fucked, but if not for the courage of the Asperger crew, their platoon boat would've been lost. Their platoon boat would've been lost!
The ship split in half as the survivors swam ashore onto an uncharted island. There was Gilligan.
And the creepy Skipper, too.
A millionaire...
And his hideous sheboon side-girl.
Jennifer Lawrence impersonator.
An incel.
And a country skank who became famous by mimicking spitting on dick.
However, things would turn sour for the castaways.
The island had a dark forest at its center. Gilligan insisted, "The Devil lives there." Ugh. Those words spooked everyone, so they never ventured inside. And whatever lurked there, would toss them coconuts now and then, followed by strange thumps. But Gilligan convinced the group to be suspicious of the temptations, "The Devil probably poisoned them, not gonna lie."
However, the dumbest of the survivors, the impersonator, suggested, "What if those thumps are the coconuts hitting the ground? And seeing the dark forest on a hill, no one's tossing them, but they're naturally rolling down onto the beach," she said as she swept her hand to the many decayed coconuts from the past along the bottom of the hill.
Quickly, the millionaire slapped her upside her head and said, "Stop being a retard!"
The sheboon got into the lookalike's space and reacted, "Bitch, get the fuck out of my face, or you'll get stomped!" She backed away with a perplexed expression.
The rich mudshark concluded, "Gilligan's right. The devil is trying to tempt us with poisoned coconuts."
No phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single Wi-Fi hotspot. And with no fishing line to catch food, the survivors went crazy from hunger and turned on one another.
The Hawk Tuah girl was the first they ate. The Skipper called dibs on her vagina. That sick motherfucker. But Gilligan wouldn't feed on the dead and, instead, salvaged some of the wreckage that drifted ashore and began building something unusual.
A week later, only two were still alive. The Skipper with a full belly of human flesh. And Gilligan, who took a liking for bugs and was happy when he ate them. He reminded himself, "Gotta get used to them now... we all will be eating bugs one day." SMH. What are the odds, though, the two people responsible for the crash would be the only survivors? Brutal conspiracy brewing there, ngl.
Gilligan's project was successfully completed two days later. The Skipper was impressed and remarked, "Wow, little buddy. You turned the remnants of a platoon boat wreckage into a fucking 2017 Hydrolift C-31 with 1200 horsepower and equipped with a sporty Z-drive!"
"Yeah, but I didn't eat people, you sick fuck."
The Skipper nodded with a grin as he pushed the boat into deeper waters and climbed aboard. He tried to pat his bony mate on his shoulders with congratulations, but Gilligan dodged his hand and cringed.
Four hours later, they spotted a cargo ship. Gilligan pushed it into full throttle. The Skipper smiled with relief and assured his buddy, "Finally, we're going home, Gilly. But look, what happened on the island, stays on the island, cool?"
"I'm writing a book about it, Skip!" The optimistic Gilligan assured his captain. "I'll tell the world how you beat that girl's head in with a rock as she begged for her life. Then you ate her vagina, literally! I hope they bury you in prison where you never see the light of day again, you sick motherfucker."
Unfortunately, their hope of home would be shattered. The crew on the massive ship had AR-15 Colts and thought those survivors were nicca pirates and lit their fucking asses up! Gilligan's impressive project exploded. They both died.
Using the following for the ending of my remake:
Pirate Kamikaze Speedboat Heading For Container Ship Blows Up After Crew Opens Fire On It!!!
It really is a spectacular explosion! I added clarification others have said that it could also be possibly a Houthi kamikaze sea drone speedboat (which would explain such a big boom), so far not a consensus on who would be (maybe Houthis targeting shipping or something).
vidmax.com
THE PILOT
Here's a tale about a captain and his highly intelligent yet paranoid mate. Both of them were mighty sailing men but didn't care much about boat maintenance. They're about to travel with strange passengers into the darkness of the human soul for the survival of the fittest.
About two weeks earlier from the content above, a captain and his mate embarked with a group of tourists on a three-hour excursion from a docked cruise ship. The weather got rough, and their tiny ship got fucked, but if not for the courage of the Asperger crew, their platoon boat would've been lost. Their platoon boat would've been lost!
The ship split in half as the survivors swam ashore onto an uncharted island. There was Gilligan.
And the creepy Skipper, too.
A millionaire...
And his hideous sheboon side-girl.
Jennifer Lawrence impersonator.
An incel.
And a country skank who became famous by mimicking spitting on dick.
However, things would turn sour for the castaways.
The island had a dark forest at its center. Gilligan insisted, "The Devil lives there." Ugh. Those words spooked everyone, so they never ventured inside. And whatever lurked there, would toss them coconuts now and then, followed by strange thumps. But Gilligan convinced the group to be suspicious of the temptations, "The Devil probably poisoned them, not gonna lie."
However, the dumbest of the survivors, the impersonator, suggested, "What if those thumps are the coconuts hitting the ground? And seeing the dark forest on a hill, no one's tossing them, but they're naturally rolling down onto the beach," she said as she swept her hand to the many decayed coconuts from the past along the bottom of the hill.
Quickly, the millionaire slapped her upside her head and said, "Stop being a retard!"
The sheboon got into the lookalike's space and reacted, "Bitch, get the fuck out of my face, or you'll get stomped!" She backed away with a perplexed expression.
The rich mudshark concluded, "Gilligan's right. The devil is trying to tempt us with poisoned coconuts."
No phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single Wi-Fi hotspot. And with no fishing line to catch food, the survivors went crazy from hunger and turned on one another.
The Hawk Tuah girl was the first they ate. The Skipper called dibs on her vagina. That sick motherfucker. But Gilligan wouldn't feed on the dead and, instead, salvaged some of the wreckage that drifted ashore and began building something unusual.
A week later, only two were still alive. The Skipper with a full belly of human flesh. And Gilligan, who took a liking for bugs and was happy when he ate them. He reminded himself, "Gotta get used to them now... we all will be eating bugs one day." SMH. What are the odds, though, the two people responsible for the crash would be the only survivors? Brutal conspiracy brewing there, ngl.
Gilligan's project was successfully completed two days later. The Skipper was impressed and remarked, "Wow, little buddy. You turned the remnants of a platoon boat wreckage into a fucking 2017 Hydrolift C-31 with 1200 horsepower and equipped with a sporty Z-drive!"
"Yeah, but I didn't eat people, you sick fuck."
The Skipper nodded with a grin as he pushed the boat into deeper waters and climbed aboard. He tried to pat his bony mate on his shoulders with congratulations, but Gilligan dodged his hand and cringed.
Four hours later, they spotted a cargo ship. Gilligan pushed it into full throttle. The Skipper smiled with relief and assured his buddy, "Finally, we're going home, Gilly. But look, what happened on the island, stays on the island, cool?"
"I'm writing a book about it, Skip!" The optimistic Gilligan assured his captain. "I'll tell the world how you beat that girl's head in with a rock as she begged for her life. Then you ate her vagina, literally! I hope they bury you in prison where you never see the light of day again, you sick motherfucker."
Unfortunately, their hope of home would be shattered. The crew on the massive ship had AR-15 Colts and thought those survivors were nicca pirates and lit their fucking asses up! Gilligan's impressive project exploded. They both died.
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