N9wiff•˚₊‧⋆.
God make my neurotransmitters great inc
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2023
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My social anxiety is getting worse and my head is being filled with violent/rape thoughts.
Today morning ( It's 2 AM right now ) I went to my first government mandated course on how to drive a car. I went to the government-run office and waited there at 8 in the morning. Then people started to come in and I started to panic. Everything went silent and numb for me. While everyone was using their phones and already starting to make conversation even, I was playing with my hair and neck ( My usual defense mechanism to when I start to feel immense fear and anxiety, I run my fingers through my hair and imitate chocking with two hands on my neck ).
All of the sudden people are starting to bring out their IDs and start registering to head to the lecture hall. There I was still sitting still due to immense fear and anxiety. "Too many things could go wrong" is what I always think in these scenarios. There were 2 women sitting next to me which distracted me even further because all I could think about was doing them. Then I finally mustered up the courage after 15 minutes yawning of waiting to go and register. I was literally the last one to do it because of my pussy behavior. Every single woman I saw, even if ugly, I felt like just raping them, idk why. I don't act on those things though, so it's all good really. Just a distraction.
Classroom looks like utter dog-shit but that's because I am probably used to a private school environment. Lecturer starts talking and despite trying my hardest to pay attention, I feel sleepy and start yawning every 5 minutes, NOT AND EXXAGERATION. I also have these weird moments where I got so lost in my thoughts that time just moves forwards while I am completely entranced in this one specific though/scenario I am playing out in my head. It sucks because I am completely unaware if what I am doing in the real world when that happens. I usually will just be staring blankly into the abyss as time goes on. 7 hours felt like 3 because of the disability my brain has to concentrate jfl but I am not complaining. Learnt nothing but I don't understand the local language anyways lmao.
Went back home and jerked off 3 times. The lecture was also 7 hours long but I didn't eat lunch in between. I didn't want to be seen eating alone at the canteen so I opened up a forum on my phone and started arguing with @Bojack JFL
I realize now though, how insanely stupid and incompetent I am to the average person. Bottom 10 percent of Malaysia I am not even exaggerating.
//Sanju
Today morning ( It's 2 AM right now ) I went to my first government mandated course on how to drive a car. I went to the government-run office and waited there at 8 in the morning. Then people started to come in and I started to panic. Everything went silent and numb for me. While everyone was using their phones and already starting to make conversation even, I was playing with my hair and neck ( My usual defense mechanism to when I start to feel immense fear and anxiety, I run my fingers through my hair and imitate chocking with two hands on my neck ).
All of the sudden people are starting to bring out their IDs and start registering to head to the lecture hall. There I was still sitting still due to immense fear and anxiety. "Too many things could go wrong" is what I always think in these scenarios. There were 2 women sitting next to me which distracted me even further because all I could think about was doing them. Then I finally mustered up the courage after 15 minutes yawning of waiting to go and register. I was literally the last one to do it because of my pussy behavior. Every single woman I saw, even if ugly, I felt like just raping them, idk why. I don't act on those things though, so it's all good really. Just a distraction.
Classroom looks like utter dog-shit but that's because I am probably used to a private school environment. Lecturer starts talking and despite trying my hardest to pay attention, I feel sleepy and start yawning every 5 minutes, NOT AND EXXAGERATION. I also have these weird moments where I got so lost in my thoughts that time just moves forwards while I am completely entranced in this one specific though/scenario I am playing out in my head. It sucks because I am completely unaware if what I am doing in the real world when that happens. I usually will just be staring blankly into the abyss as time goes on. 7 hours felt like 3 because of the disability my brain has to concentrate jfl but I am not complaining. Learnt nothing but I don't understand the local language anyways lmao.
Went back home and jerked off 3 times. The lecture was also 7 hours long but I didn't eat lunch in between. I didn't want to be seen eating alone at the canteen so I opened up a forum on my phone and started arguing with @Bojack JFL
I realize now though, how insanely stupid and incompetent I am to the average person. Bottom 10 percent of Malaysia I am not even exaggerating.
//Sanju
