swt
Zephir
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- Aug 11, 2024
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all i ever wanted was to be accepted.
im now 18 years old, 18 years of misery, 18 years of being treated like a subhuman no matter where and when, the only people who ever accepted me was my family and even they say im ugly. ive been rejected all my life, not necessarily by girls, just socially rejected, i remember all my elemetary school years, i was constantly pushed around and socially unincluded, socially pushed away, the girl i liked constantly laughed at me getting pushed around by this japanese kid that was in our class, and he did it to impress her cuz he liked her aswell. anyways, aside from that, everyone else in the class constantly called me dumb, and acted like i was some kind of idiot, they treated me like i was a freak, like i never belonged there, and i wasnt the annoying type of kid, i would just quietly try to fit in a bit, trying to participate what they participated in, i just wanted company, i wanted to fit in with everyone else, only 1 person out of all of them truly accepted me, and me n him still talk till this day sometimes. but anyways, i moved to USA in the end of elementary school, it wasnt half as bad, i had a few people that spoke to me but not necessarily friends, i had only 1 close friend at that time, his name jayden, but other than him i was kind of left alone, i understand that, i didnt know any english anyway.
then middle school came, 5th grade, the teachers didnt like me, i dont know why the teachers didnt like me, keep in mind not once was i ever disrespectful or vulgar to anyone, as a matter fact i was such a nice kid, i just wasnt the brightest academically but that was about it, the teachers constantly yelled at me, and once again, when it came to the kids i was socially rejected, constantly left alone, and i remember a group of girls would constantly pick on me for not wearing branded clothes and shoes.
6th grade came, after being socially rejected for so long i wanted to change, i wanted to do something about these things and be accepted. i changed up my style with the help of the internet influence, started wearing only branded clothes, started caring about my hairstyle, doing eyebrow slits, nice shoes, just anything in my power to fit in and be cool to be accepted, i cant lie, i did make friends along the way but most of the time i was just made fun of, plainly, and although i had tried so hard to dress cool to fit in with everyone else people would still find ways to make fun of what i was wearing, even if what they were wearing was worse than whatever i had on, and other people would laugh along, and 6th grade was all about that.
7th grade grade was OK, jayden ( my first best friend in USA ) started coming to the same school as me again , and i also became friends with his cousin, us 3 were super close, and had eachother's backs, 7th grade was a blessing, i did have alot of conflict with other kids or even with my friends but it was overall a good year, i had my first somewhat "serious" relationship where i lasted with someone more than a month LMAO, but anyways, yeah, i was able to get a couple girls in 7th grade, but i still wasnt really good looking seeing back, i was really odd, and i was still trying to find a way to fit in a little more, i had permed hair, still wearing all name brand clothes, and all that, i never really got made fun of for my clothes in 7th grade, it was pretty ok.
8th grade, back to misery, me and my 2 friends were still sticking together, sitting together at lunch, all that good shit but, they started snaking me, and started constantly leaving me out and they would legit meat ride eachother just to make fun of me for whatever reason, i wasnt doing good with girls either, i had gotten with a school thot and she literally raped me when i came to her house, so yes the way i lost my virginity was by a girl raping me, then after we broke up i started actually online dating at the time and frauded on every picture so hard, i barely had any pictures of my full face and i wasnt confident at all, but i had no reason to be confident regardless, ive been treated as if i was deformed all my life, but anyways, had to fight my "buddies" a couple times physically, it was also the year i first did drugs and drank alcohol and shit, i was in a terrible place mentally. i wouldnt have sticked with those 2 but i wouldnt have anyone else if i just left the little trio and i didnt wanna be alone, everyone made fun of me and those 2 were the only way i could actually have someone there for me, then i moved states cuz my parents wanted to.
High School, freshman year
i had moved during summer, i liked the new state, then school started, first day of high school. it wasnt too bad, everyone in school was pretty chill, i had people talk to me but not enough that id consider them my friends, i was pretty alone cuz i had just moved there and i didnt know anyone, but everyone already knew eachother from their middle school years, but anyways a couple girls liked me during art class in the start of the year but i was too socially awkward and rejected them. keep in mind, at that time, my hair had grown out, it covered my eyes completely, and it was when covid was still hitting, i was wearing a mask. literally 0% of my face was even visible. they mustve liked my hair or my style or something although my style was pretty basic, just regular name brand clothes, anyways, times went by a bit, started dating a girl online again, for a long long time even, me and her were doing really good together, but she lived so far away, she had cool hair, piercings and i admired her alot, she cheated on me many times which i later found out, and still stayed because i was really attached, the pics i sent her of myself hardly ever had my face in it, at the time, i didnt do it intentionally, i was a little more confident by then, this was at the middle of freshman year, my hair was still long but not entirely covering my eyes, id middle part it from time to time, mask still on tho. but anyways
sophomore year.
i was still dating that same girl online, but a couple months in sophomore year we broke up, we lasted 8-9 months together, anyways, i still had no friends in the real world, i had made no progress socially, i had focussed and dedicated my life to that one specific girl online and forgot about my real life. people did approach me and talk to me, but not enough to actually bond with me, it was quick talk and like ok, i was left alone, i sat alone at lunch, it wasnt bad, i was okay with it, i was never too much of a social person, and even if i was its not like i wouldve been able to fit in anyway. i had a few people i talked to from time to time in classes, and and sophomore year i started getting alot more compliments, id go inthe bathroom to check on my hair and got compliments from random ass dudes a couple times there saying i look cool, i was no longer wearing a mask sophomore year by the way. one thing a girl said in class to me one time kinda stuck by me, is that "you should be a model or something", it stuck to me because i always felt so invisible, so for someone to say something so cool like that was like putting a sticky note to my brain. but keep in mind, during sophomore year i was extremely blackpilled so being told that after suffering so much inside my head because of my looks was a relief, face wasnt ever impressive tho, deep down i knew that, i was just a long haired boy wearing trueys around school as an overall look, anyways sophomore year wasnt a misery, it was okay.
junior year.
during summer after sophomore year i was done with blackpill, said fuck it lets try something else, slapped on hella piercings on my face ( i had a couple from sophomore year but got even more during junior year) bleach buzz my hair, and became red pilled, and started going on some gymcel shit, and actually packed on a shit ton of muscle by the way, it was great, i felt like i looked great, except face fat had gotten to me. anyways, i eventually got a girlfriend in the 2nd month of junior year, and before that i had a couple girls like me. junior year was overall a good year, i was still struggling inside my head about my looks especially when i realized what face fat had done to me, but kept going on my gymbro shit, junior year was cool , on the first day i had sat alone but then people came to sit with me and eventually became my friends, then i had a girlfriend, it was great, then another girl started liking me WHILE i was with my gf, made me feel like i was finally starting to look alright. overall junior year was good .
senior year.
after junior year, during summer, i fell back into the blackpill, i was done with the gym , i didnt care about fucking muscles anymore i just wanted a good face, so during those months of summer i had, i did constant fasting, harsh dieting and lost a shit ton of weight, and lost a shit ton of muscle too, but i lost face fat, my face looks decent id say when it comes to fat right now, its not hollow enough, im still doing harsh dieting, but i plan going even further until my shit is hollowed out. im 18 now, i weight 118ib currently at 5'9, im extremely skinny compared to how i once looked, even my girlfriend pointed it out, but im willing to sacrifice my aesthetic if it means my face will look good. anyways aside from these things, senior year is going fine lmao, my girlfriend and i dont have the same lunch and i stopped talking to other people eventually, and my close friend graduated, so yeah im back to sitting alone at lunch and dont talk to anyone except my girlfriend. but its fine, had no girls approach except this one black girl that came up to me to compliment my piercings. recently i took actions to remove my piercings, i didnt want this for myself anymore, i didnt want to get attention with things that arent naturally me, i want to be striking for my face, not my clothes and piercings, is it too much to ask? anyways, alot of u guys told me to buzz my hair, i did. and im overall doing fine. anyways, this is the life of someone whos been treated like a freak all his life, idk if itll get better any time soon, i dont know if ill ever ascend, all i ever wanted was to be accepted, but here i am, breaking my bones to change its thickness
im now 18 years old, 18 years of misery, 18 years of being treated like a subhuman no matter where and when, the only people who ever accepted me was my family and even they say im ugly. ive been rejected all my life, not necessarily by girls, just socially rejected, i remember all my elemetary school years, i was constantly pushed around and socially unincluded, socially pushed away, the girl i liked constantly laughed at me getting pushed around by this japanese kid that was in our class, and he did it to impress her cuz he liked her aswell. anyways, aside from that, everyone else in the class constantly called me dumb, and acted like i was some kind of idiot, they treated me like i was a freak, like i never belonged there, and i wasnt the annoying type of kid, i would just quietly try to fit in a bit, trying to participate what they participated in, i just wanted company, i wanted to fit in with everyone else, only 1 person out of all of them truly accepted me, and me n him still talk till this day sometimes. but anyways, i moved to USA in the end of elementary school, it wasnt half as bad, i had a few people that spoke to me but not necessarily friends, i had only 1 close friend at that time, his name jayden, but other than him i was kind of left alone, i understand that, i didnt know any english anyway.
then middle school came, 5th grade, the teachers didnt like me, i dont know why the teachers didnt like me, keep in mind not once was i ever disrespectful or vulgar to anyone, as a matter fact i was such a nice kid, i just wasnt the brightest academically but that was about it, the teachers constantly yelled at me, and once again, when it came to the kids i was socially rejected, constantly left alone, and i remember a group of girls would constantly pick on me for not wearing branded clothes and shoes.
6th grade came, after being socially rejected for so long i wanted to change, i wanted to do something about these things and be accepted. i changed up my style with the help of the internet influence, started wearing only branded clothes, started caring about my hairstyle, doing eyebrow slits, nice shoes, just anything in my power to fit in and be cool to be accepted, i cant lie, i did make friends along the way but most of the time i was just made fun of, plainly, and although i had tried so hard to dress cool to fit in with everyone else people would still find ways to make fun of what i was wearing, even if what they were wearing was worse than whatever i had on, and other people would laugh along, and 6th grade was all about that.
7th grade grade was OK, jayden ( my first best friend in USA ) started coming to the same school as me again , and i also became friends with his cousin, us 3 were super close, and had eachother's backs, 7th grade was a blessing, i did have alot of conflict with other kids or even with my friends but it was overall a good year, i had my first somewhat "serious" relationship where i lasted with someone more than a month LMAO, but anyways, yeah, i was able to get a couple girls in 7th grade, but i still wasnt really good looking seeing back, i was really odd, and i was still trying to find a way to fit in a little more, i had permed hair, still wearing all name brand clothes, and all that, i never really got made fun of for my clothes in 7th grade, it was pretty ok.
8th grade, back to misery, me and my 2 friends were still sticking together, sitting together at lunch, all that good shit but, they started snaking me, and started constantly leaving me out and they would legit meat ride eachother just to make fun of me for whatever reason, i wasnt doing good with girls either, i had gotten with a school thot and she literally raped me when i came to her house, so yes the way i lost my virginity was by a girl raping me, then after we broke up i started actually online dating at the time and frauded on every picture so hard, i barely had any pictures of my full face and i wasnt confident at all, but i had no reason to be confident regardless, ive been treated as if i was deformed all my life, but anyways, had to fight my "buddies" a couple times physically, it was also the year i first did drugs and drank alcohol and shit, i was in a terrible place mentally. i wouldnt have sticked with those 2 but i wouldnt have anyone else if i just left the little trio and i didnt wanna be alone, everyone made fun of me and those 2 were the only way i could actually have someone there for me, then i moved states cuz my parents wanted to.
High School, freshman year
i had moved during summer, i liked the new state, then school started, first day of high school. it wasnt too bad, everyone in school was pretty chill, i had people talk to me but not enough that id consider them my friends, i was pretty alone cuz i had just moved there and i didnt know anyone, but everyone already knew eachother from their middle school years, but anyways a couple girls liked me during art class in the start of the year but i was too socially awkward and rejected them. keep in mind, at that time, my hair had grown out, it covered my eyes completely, and it was when covid was still hitting, i was wearing a mask. literally 0% of my face was even visible. they mustve liked my hair or my style or something although my style was pretty basic, just regular name brand clothes, anyways, times went by a bit, started dating a girl online again, for a long long time even, me and her were doing really good together, but she lived so far away, she had cool hair, piercings and i admired her alot, she cheated on me many times which i later found out, and still stayed because i was really attached, the pics i sent her of myself hardly ever had my face in it, at the time, i didnt do it intentionally, i was a little more confident by then, this was at the middle of freshman year, my hair was still long but not entirely covering my eyes, id middle part it from time to time, mask still on tho. but anyways
sophomore year.
i was still dating that same girl online, but a couple months in sophomore year we broke up, we lasted 8-9 months together, anyways, i still had no friends in the real world, i had made no progress socially, i had focussed and dedicated my life to that one specific girl online and forgot about my real life. people did approach me and talk to me, but not enough to actually bond with me, it was quick talk and like ok, i was left alone, i sat alone at lunch, it wasnt bad, i was okay with it, i was never too much of a social person, and even if i was its not like i wouldve been able to fit in anyway. i had a few people i talked to from time to time in classes, and and sophomore year i started getting alot more compliments, id go inthe bathroom to check on my hair and got compliments from random ass dudes a couple times there saying i look cool, i was no longer wearing a mask sophomore year by the way. one thing a girl said in class to me one time kinda stuck by me, is that "you should be a model or something", it stuck to me because i always felt so invisible, so for someone to say something so cool like that was like putting a sticky note to my brain. but keep in mind, during sophomore year i was extremely blackpilled so being told that after suffering so much inside my head because of my looks was a relief, face wasnt ever impressive tho, deep down i knew that, i was just a long haired boy wearing trueys around school as an overall look, anyways sophomore year wasnt a misery, it was okay.
junior year.
during summer after sophomore year i was done with blackpill, said fuck it lets try something else, slapped on hella piercings on my face ( i had a couple from sophomore year but got even more during junior year) bleach buzz my hair, and became red pilled, and started going on some gymcel shit, and actually packed on a shit ton of muscle by the way, it was great, i felt like i looked great, except face fat had gotten to me. anyways, i eventually got a girlfriend in the 2nd month of junior year, and before that i had a couple girls like me. junior year was overall a good year, i was still struggling inside my head about my looks especially when i realized what face fat had done to me, but kept going on my gymbro shit, junior year was cool , on the first day i had sat alone but then people came to sit with me and eventually became my friends, then i had a girlfriend, it was great, then another girl started liking me WHILE i was with my gf, made me feel like i was finally starting to look alright. overall junior year was good .
senior year.
after junior year, during summer, i fell back into the blackpill, i was done with the gym , i didnt care about fucking muscles anymore i just wanted a good face, so during those months of summer i had, i did constant fasting, harsh dieting and lost a shit ton of weight, and lost a shit ton of muscle too, but i lost face fat, my face looks decent id say when it comes to fat right now, its not hollow enough, im still doing harsh dieting, but i plan going even further until my shit is hollowed out. im 18 now, i weight 118ib currently at 5'9, im extremely skinny compared to how i once looked, even my girlfriend pointed it out, but im willing to sacrifice my aesthetic if it means my face will look good. anyways aside from these things, senior year is going fine lmao, my girlfriend and i dont have the same lunch and i stopped talking to other people eventually, and my close friend graduated, so yeah im back to sitting alone at lunch and dont talk to anyone except my girlfriend. but its fine, had no girls approach except this one black girl that came up to me to compliment my piercings. recently i took actions to remove my piercings, i didnt want this for myself anymore, i didnt want to get attention with things that arent naturally me, i want to be striking for my face, not my clothes and piercings, is it too much to ask? anyways, alot of u guys told me to buzz my hair, i did. and im overall doing fine. anyways, this is the life of someone whos been treated like a freak all his life, idk if itll get better any time soon, i dont know if ill ever ascend, all i ever wanted was to be accepted, but here i am, breaking my bones to change its thickness
