Prøphet
Conquer your fear and you will conquer death
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2024
- Posts
- 12,408
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Deep down this is why I want so desperately to escape my subhumanity
To feel a connection with someone.
I’ve gone my whole life being treated like less than nothing for things I can’t help. I was always a liability and equal to the dogshit on someone’s shoes. I was always the weirdo freak who can never do right by anyone. Even my parents never cared too much about my well-being. I think this is what really fucked me up, especially with it happening so early in my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find what I look for. I try to resist screaming “why me” whenever something else piles onto my list of inherited disadvantages. I feel so much pain in my heart when I really dissect my life instead of trying to run away and feign helpless ignorance to my problems. I don’t know what to do anymore because it hurts so badly to see the truth but I feel sick from the indulgence of self distraction. The more I think about my situation, the more paralyzed in negativity I become. Even the most simple things are becoming daunting challenges to me. I wish I wasn’t born a coward, but that’s who I am. My anxiety is so bad it fucked up my physical health even worse and gave me a stomach condition that makes things even more hellish. I am such a mess and it’s becoming impossible to even put on the act of “keeping it together”
To feel a connection with someone.
I’ve gone my whole life being treated like less than nothing for things I can’t help. I was always a liability and equal to the dogshit on someone’s shoes. I was always the weirdo freak who can never do right by anyone. Even my parents never cared too much about my well-being. I think this is what really fucked me up, especially with it happening so early in my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find what I look for. I try to resist screaming “why me” whenever something else piles onto my list of inherited disadvantages. I feel so much pain in my heart when I really dissect my life instead of trying to run away and feign helpless ignorance to my problems. I don’t know what to do anymore because it hurts so badly to see the truth but I feel sick from the indulgence of self distraction. The more I think about my situation, the more paralyzed in negativity I become. Even the most simple things are becoming daunting challenges to me. I wish I wasn’t born a coward, but that’s who I am. My anxiety is so bad it fucked up my physical health even worse and gave me a stomach condition that makes things even more hellish. I am such a mess and it’s becoming impossible to even put on the act of “keeping it together”
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