ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
- Posts
- 2,238
- Reputation
- 4,811
I was just raped the other day by a guy I met up with for the first time in my car. I’m just really confused because I said multiple times before that I didn’t want to have sex and even when he was rubbing it on me I said no to even the tip. He was on top of me rubbing it when he just put it in and I just froze. He just started fucking me even though he knew I was a virgin and only asked if I liked it. I just feel like it’s my fault because I didn’t say stop or try wiggling away from him because he had my legs up and his chest was pinning down my arms. He texted me the next day asking if I’m still interested in seeing him and I said yes. I feel like having consensual sex with him is the only way of gaining back my control but I feel so ashamed of it. I just feel so confused and I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to tell my friends because they won’t understand but I feel like this is the only way for me to heal. Has anyone else experienced this? I just want things to go back to normal.
March 28th, Just wanted to update, I never went through with it. I ended up opening up about it to my friends and while they didn’t support it they weren’t going to stop me but I still wasn’t sure. When time came closer to the day I was supposed to meet up with him he wanted to confirm about him getting a hotel and I just left him on delivered, I was to scared to reject him or to even say anything to him. Having no contact with him has helped me heal, I found it hard to let go of him at first kinda always hoping for a apology or something but he ended up just blocking me after calling me rude. I’ve found that having new sexual partners is a little hard now since I’ve found that I have small triggers to certain spots on my body. Even being touched randomly by a stranger can trigger me sending me into a shock or into anger and I find it embarrassing. I’ve found that I blame my long distance best friend and that’s been really hard, I feel like she abandoned me when I needed her the most. But overall I feel like I’ve been healing in a good way, I still have daily morning/nightly spirals. The way I like to put it is happiness is a choice and I don’t want to think about the bad. Thanks for all the support I got <3
March 28th, Just wanted to update, I never went through with it. I ended up opening up about it to my friends and while they didn’t support it they weren’t going to stop me but I still wasn’t sure. When time came closer to the day I was supposed to meet up with him he wanted to confirm about him getting a hotel and I just left him on delivered, I was to scared to reject him or to even say anything to him. Having no contact with him has helped me heal, I found it hard to let go of him at first kinda always hoping for a apology or something but he ended up just blocking me after calling me rude. I’ve found that having new sexual partners is a little hard now since I’ve found that I have small triggers to certain spots on my body. Even being touched randomly by a stranger can trigger me sending me into a shock or into anger and I find it embarrassing. I’ve found that I blame my long distance best friend and that’s been really hard, I feel like she abandoned me when I needed her the most. But overall I feel like I’ve been healing in a good way, I still have daily morning/nightly spirals. The way I like to put it is happiness is a choice and I don’t want to think about the bad. Thanks for all the support I got <3
