got.daim
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Hello everyone! Ever wondered why that dummy, no matter how hard you tried, couldn't be convinced that English is not a romance language? Why, when you present a counter-argument, you are the one being called a "person with Trisomy 21"? Maybe you just look like a goblin because you're on looksmax too much? What if you were born with low Charisma+Luck and high Intelligence?
Well, today I'm going to show you several good tricks on how to win your argument and take home your delicious weekly dose of self-assurance, you high-functioning narcissist! Not only that, I'll explain to you why they work, and make some good examples, because I'm not a cheap 10$ book called "how to be persuasive".
So what is charisma? Charisma is an aura. It's something that lingers and emanates from you, by a mixture of social-behavioural signals. It doesn't mean that you just assert yourself all over the surroundings like the movies: the idea that there's this sigma guy everyone look in awe is an overstretch of the "extrovert = charismatic" stereotype. Think of it in these down-to-earth terms: charisma is what you radiate before actually trying to persuade. Charisma is EXTREMELY important to even try to persuade someone: if you lack charisma, you'll never persuade anything outside of, maybe, academic settings.
Persuasion is a mind-speech game. If charisma is making people listen, persuasion is making people agree. Persuasion is several things together, and you have to master them all:
Alright let's go. This paragraph here is what you must do to get the right starting chances to be persuasive. Take a note: while persuasion can be done to anyone (if you are a master debater), charisma is extremely powerful but situational: there are tricks that always work, and tricks that works under most circumstances. Even more: you'll never start to 0% to 100% persuasion chance: you can very well start to -99%. If you are a... let's say a renewed nazi-oriented guy, you can't expect yourself to be charismatic in the eyes of an israeli, and vice versa.
Well, first on foremost, you have to believe in your own look. You don't have to be a professional model to be confident in yourself: wash yourself possibly once a day, put the anti-sweat deodorant, brush your teeth, have your nails trimmed, wash your face, the usual stuff (soft max). These things are necessary not only because of appearance, but because we ourselves are unconsciously fully aware of our own insecurities: if you feel insecure about your breath smell, you'll already look insecure, by merely body language and tone, let alone if you turn your head slightly away thinking to avoid people smelling you. Even the ugliest person can be, at least, decent. Take the following example:
There's this belief that "people look ugly when kids, but grow up looking good". That's true just in part, because of genes obviously. But that's a rare case, actually: most of the times, it's just a combination of self-caring techniques.
Ryan Seacrest above, you think that he was lucky? Look better at him: what he did wasn't much more than self-caring, in the form of gym, self-assured posture, skin care, a hair cut and a better camera quality.
Get a diet, a real diet by a real nutritionist, and follow it with seriousness. Go to the gym, you don't have to get muscles, you have to get fit, toned if you want to be Mr. Handsome or Ms. Beautiful. If you can't get to the gym "because you are broke", then go jogging, don't be a fat-ass. I can't stress this enough: CARE FOR YOUR BODY. If you don't care of your body, why someone else should care about it?
Also clothes: you can wear all you like of course, but avoid ruined and torn clothes, like the torn jeans, they don't emit an affable aura (except if you wear a complete and fitting style, eg. "goth", "casual streetwear" and the likes).
If it's for being attractive, then all is fair, and actually slightly more "exposing" clothes are better (without exaggerate of course ffs). It's not about be obscene, it's about showing that you are proud of your body and enhancing some forms. For example, If going with heels (except in a formal context), use the open ones, no joke, they are more attractive because you show, in fact, that you care for and like your body (and also enhance the leg silhouette). In the same way, boys should wear well-fitted clothes that show the toned body's forms, if possible. In more general terms: using clothes that enhance your forms, without being provocative, will make you appear sexier, feel sexier, and consequently being more charismatic.
You don't have to wear your best fitting clothes, let alone the high heels, but at least always try to get the right colors on: be harmonious. For example following a pattern of "cold colors". Don't wear all of the same 1-2 colors and don't wear all black-white clothes, you are not a butler.
", then you already reached the goal. Besides, being of perfect physique is not expected by anyone in the right state of mind. If you see something you don't like, work to solve that. Nothing is impossible in that regard.
"Then I can be confident even if I'm fat
Don't be a retard, we are talking about social appearance, not just self-acceptance. If this was a course about just loving yourself, then sure, die of diabetes by your heart's content (even more, good luck with people rightfully pointing out that you're a walking heart attack), but this is about charisma, and being fat is not very charismatic (or healthy). And no, enlarged thyroid makes you look plump, not like a bathroom boiler. I mean come on, you know you're fucking this up if I am this aggressive, this isn't even about beauty anymore.
But we can at least discuss the main body language points, those important for immediate charisma.
Some body postures will improve your assertiveness, your look and even your mood: If you try to smile, try really to smile, you'll improve your humor. That's because the brain is forcing itself to be slightly happier to make the smile as genuine as possible. Now apply this to all the body language.
Girls have the exact same tips, except that they can cross their legs while sitting (because is seen as more elegant) and they can put their hands on their sides, which is a feminine and confident pose (feminine, because it accentuates the sides' curves, and confident, because it straight up the back and make them appear larger). (Boys can put their hands on their sides too, but it's simply less common.)
Also do note the stereotype of "extrovert = charismatic", as I previously mentioned. All the points above can be followed by anyone. Introverts are not shy and submissive, nor extroverts are the social leaders: introverts are people who are less energized in social contexts, and as such they engage less than extroverts, but they can very well be charismatic.
But that doesn't mean the non-rich people aren't charismatic. Remember the Charisma % points? Being rich is a +10% boost outside the charter, because it's rare, and having a solid but not that much income is good but not totally game changing. The only turn off is if you're completely and utterly broke (homeless or very close), simply because "if you can't provide yourself, how can you be reliable toward others?" And no, being nice and smart won't help you, because even if being rich doesn't mean anything about reliability, social perception doesn't work like that, sadly.
Example: "Fair point, in fact, my point is not much further-" good.
"But what if they are wrong?"
Well the example above is good if you need to be assertive with the arguing person. If you want to humiliate them without respect, wait the next post. Always be showing them a little bit of the rope though, don't try to humiliate them if you have to convince them or a smart audience, humiliate them without being rude only when you are sure the audience is on your side, try to not sound biased, and use Pathos and Logos below.
Example: "Imagine waking up one day, and having your mother killed by a missile while buying groceries." good.
Example: "This side is attacking only military compounds, the civilian's lost are always a defeat, but they amount to no more than DATA, my source is SOURCE" good.
The real Persuasion is using them all in the right moment. When is the right moment? We'll see it in Speech-craft.
1. "My side has the best armaments" / feels unrelatable;
2. "My side has the best armaments and the best trained army" / feels incomplete;
3. "My side has the best armaments, the best trained army AND the best generals to guide them" / feels complete.
Always present three arguments. Lie is fine if you don't know the details, especially in non-Logos debates.
Repetitions are good too, you have to impress the word that sway them at your side inside their heads. It's not a coincidence, that one of the greatest speech of humanity history has a lot of repetitions:
Of course, If you didn't get it, his point was thet UK had to fight back, not surrender, like the rest of the House suggested.
Stupid example: you want to make someone clean the dishes for you.
"Damn, there's still the dishes to clean..." / real observable fact;
"I'm so tired, I've just finished studying..." / act as someone tired, of course.
"Can you please clean them?" / It's much, much more probable that your interlocutor will clean the dishes for you.
Obama was an absolute master of it in his speeches (if he wrote them by himself, that is). Here's an example:
"America, I believe we can build on the progress we've made and continue to fight for new jobs and new opportunity and new security for the middle class." / something everyone agree on the basis of patriotism.
"I believe we can keep the promise of our founders, the idea that if you're willing to work hard, it doesn't matter who you are [...]" / something we all agree.
"It doesn't matter where you come from, or what you like, or what you love." / pushes things further, while still on the same premise. Notice the repetition too, enforcing how nothing matters when you work hard.
"It doesn't matter whether you're black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American or young or old or rich or poor, able, disabled, gay or straight, [...]" / pushes the agenda further, while holding on the same principles!
"You can make it here in America if you're willing to try." / powerful ending, while keeping the audience nodding all along! Clamorous success!
"Can you help me clean this plate? I can't remove the stain!" / Small request, make sure to sound in difficulty.
(As they almost finish cleaning) "Can you please help me clean the dishes?" / Will hardly refuse after seeping the first request, even more while already helping you.
(your victim in is pajama) "Can you go buying me the cigarettes?" / Big request, because they have to dress up, go out...
(after they refuse, make sure you look annoyed/saddened) "At least can you help me with the dishes?" / Much hardly they'll refuse to help you again.
Anyway, point is: we feel the need to reciprocate. Every small gesture increases compliance.
Example:
(Do something for the person you have to convince, like making them some coffee);
(after a while, not soon after) "hey, can you do the dishes?" / It's more probable that the victim will comply, still feeling gratitude and debt from before.
"Please, help me doing the dishes, I've got a class online call in 5 minutes!"
Also used in marketing.
"Hurry! The sale is ending soon!"
If you accept, after few info you give them, they will show you several pieces of merchandise. One will always be too expensive, justified by the logo or a little diamond or anything, and the second is much more affordable, without the useless expensive details like the brand name, and you will love it, because it has the same functionality and cool style without the absurd price!
This is the Contrast Effect: showing something expensive compared to something less expensive, to make you buy the less expensive alternative.
I swear these are real names.
(and this can also be used as a trick)
Before making requests or ask something, be nice and do personal questions, as if breaking the ice. People are more compliant, after you make them talk a bit about themselves personally. Example:
"So, what do you study? Oh, you are in college? You play football?"
"So anyway, here's the contract about your financial investments."
Well, today I'm going to show you several good tricks on how to win your argument and take home your delicious weekly dose of self-assurance, you high-functioning narcissist! Not only that, I'll explain to you why they work, and make some good examples, because I'm not a cheap 10$ book called "how to be persuasive".
Introduction - What is charisma and what is persuasion?
You'd be surprised by how many people don't really get the whole thing, as always.So what is charisma? Charisma is an aura. It's something that lingers and emanates from you, by a mixture of social-behavioural signals. It doesn't mean that you just assert yourself all over the surroundings like the movies: the idea that there's this sigma guy everyone look in awe is an overstretch of the "extrovert = charismatic" stereotype. Think of it in these down-to-earth terms: charisma is what you radiate before actually trying to persuade. Charisma is EXTREMELY important to even try to persuade someone: if you lack charisma, you'll never persuade anything outside of, maybe, academic settings.
Persuasion is a mind-speech game. If charisma is making people listen, persuasion is making people agree. Persuasion is several things together, and you have to master them all:
- Eloquence (how to speak properly). It's about resonating your words as you speak. As you know, words change completely based on how you make them sound. Eloquence is that. You want an example? Take MLK "I have a dream": that's the perfect example of eloquence. Try read that with a monotone, see how eloquent it sounds.
- Speech-craft (speech techniques). The hands down hardest part of this all. It's about using the right techniques at the right time, when needed. If you fuck this up, you end up sounding like a robot, or a mattress telemarketer.
- Persuasion (using Ethos, Logos, Pathos). Using authority, logic and emotions when needed, all of them. Using emotions while debating your homework is a good way to get laughed off the class, while using logic to discuss a point to the public is a good way to be completely ignored.
- Manipulation (trick others toward trusting you). Self explanatory: techniques to manipulate others. Manipulation, precisely, is a part of persuasion which focuses of dirty tricks to get what you want, lies, mostly.
1 - The absolute musts before trying (aka Charisma tricks)
Small note: Charisma also changes based on your sex (and contexts: formal or casual). If I don't specify otherwise, all I say is applicable to both sexes.Alright let's go. This paragraph here is what you must do to get the right starting chances to be persuasive. Take a note: while persuasion can be done to anyone (if you are a master debater), charisma is extremely powerful but situational: there are tricks that always work, and tricks that works under most circumstances. Even more: you'll never start to 0% to 100% persuasion chance: you can very well start to -99%. If you are a... let's say a renewed nazi-oriented guy, you can't expect yourself to be charismatic in the eyes of an israeli, and vice versa.
1.1 - Body form
I'll talk about sounding confident later, but appearing confident is just as important. You have to appear confident, if you want to be credible. How and why?Well, first on foremost, you have to believe in your own look. You don't have to be a professional model to be confident in yourself: wash yourself possibly once a day, put the anti-sweat deodorant, brush your teeth, have your nails trimmed, wash your face, the usual stuff (soft max). These things are necessary not only because of appearance, but because we ourselves are unconsciously fully aware of our own insecurities: if you feel insecure about your breath smell, you'll already look insecure, by merely body language and tone, let alone if you turn your head slightly away thinking to avoid people smelling you. Even the ugliest person can be, at least, decent. Take the following example:
There's this belief that "people look ugly when kids, but grow up looking good". That's true just in part, because of genes obviously. But that's a rare case, actually: most of the times, it's just a combination of self-caring techniques.
Ryan Seacrest above, you think that he was lucky? Look better at him: what he did wasn't much more than self-caring, in the form of gym, self-assured posture, skin care, a hair cut and a better camera quality.
Get a diet, a real diet by a real nutritionist, and follow it with seriousness. Go to the gym, you don't have to get muscles, you have to get fit, toned if you want to be Mr. Handsome or Ms. Beautiful. If you can't get to the gym "because you are broke", then go jogging, don't be a fat-ass. I can't stress this enough: CARE FOR YOUR BODY. If you don't care of your body, why someone else should care about it?
Also clothes: you can wear all you like of course, but avoid ruined and torn clothes, like the torn jeans, they don't emit an affable aura (except if you wear a complete and fitting style, eg. "goth", "casual streetwear" and the likes).
If it's for being attractive, then all is fair, and actually slightly more "exposing" clothes are better (without exaggerate of course ffs). It's not about be obscene, it's about showing that you are proud of your body and enhancing some forms. For example, If going with heels (except in a formal context), use the open ones, no joke, they are more attractive because you show, in fact, that you care for and like your body (and also enhance the leg silhouette). In the same way, boys should wear well-fitted clothes that show the toned body's forms, if possible. In more general terms: using clothes that enhance your forms, without being provocative, will make you appear sexier, feel sexier, and consequently being more charismatic.
You don't have to wear your best fitting clothes, let alone the high heels, but at least always try to get the right colors on: be harmonious. For example following a pattern of "cold colors". Don't wear all of the same 1-2 colors and don't wear all black-white clothes, you are not a butler.
"What if I'm plump and I like myself?"
Being "plump", "meaty", whatever is called in english, is not bad. The point of gym and good body is not to be all toned and with thicc asses: the point is to like ourselves enough to be confident on our self-looking. If you look at yourself in the mirror, and you think "whoa, I slay", then you already reached the goal. Besides, being of perfect physique is not expected by anyone in the right state of mind. If you see something you don't like, work to solve that. Nothing is impossible in that regard.
"Then I can be confident even if I'm fat 
?"
Don't be a retard, we are talking about social appearance, not just self-acceptance. If this was a course about just loving yourself, then sure, die of diabetes by your heart's content (even more, good luck with people rightfully pointing out that you're a walking heart attack), but this is about charisma, and being fat is not very charismatic (or healthy). And no, enlarged thyroid makes you look plump, not like a bathroom boiler. I mean come on, you know you're fucking this up if I am this aggressive, this isn't even about beauty anymore.
1.2 - Body language
Your body language is extremely important as well, even if it doesn't make an immediate impact like aesthetic. I will do a post aside dedicated to Domination/Submission and Body Language, it's that important and big.But we can at least discuss the main body language points, those important for immediate charisma.
Some body postures will improve your assertiveness, your look and even your mood: If you try to smile, try really to smile, you'll improve your humor. That's because the brain is forcing itself to be slightly happier to make the smile as genuine as possible. Now apply this to all the body language.
what to do
- Hands behind your back (only in more formal contexts): will puff out your chest and make you look confident, and make you feel a bit more confident as well. That's because you breathe better and deeper, and is also a good way to straight up your back.
- Hands relaxed falling on your side (everywhere else): makes you appear self-assured and relaxed. Can be a bit uncomfy for those used with hands in their pockets.
- Head up: will make you feel and appear more confident (also improve your spine). Someone who looks down is associated with insecurity, both because of social bias and evolutionary thingy, many animals share this trait.
- Open shoulders and feet: If you keep your feet close and your shoulders slumped down, you look not only smaller, but also insecure. Look in the mirror and work to raise up your shoulders, it should feel relaxing to maintain. If you feel at unease with open shoulders, you are doing it wrong and you'll look stiff.
- Gesticulate: you don't have to be the Italian meme, gesticulate a bit as if to emphasizing a point and look like you are meaning your words. Gesticulating slightly will keep the attention toward you, but gesticulate too much and you'll do clown-therapy.
- Eyes on the person you're interacting with: maintain those damn eyes on their face. You don't have to stare at them like waiting for an opener to shank them, you have your eyes on theirs while listening and idling. It's normal that you look away from time to time, because by reflex our eyes move in certain directions while doing something (ex: moving up-left while imagining things/thinking, down while understanding words...). If you feel like you can't keep eye contact, look between them, their nose bridge, their eyelids. Practice in video calls or in front of a mirror, and review your talks: "did I maintain eye contact for at least 50-70% of the time?"
- Micro expressions: we are social animals, and as such, we have an extremely complex and articulate form of verbal and non verbal communication. We can understand someone is sad by barely looking at them, and we feel the same emotions inside us. That's why you should always be slightly smiling. Not even a smile, but barely more than a tired expression. Look at yourself on the mirror: as you look at your normal expression, try to have your eyes slightly more open (if they look tired) and the little smile up, usually the smile comes off naturally when talking to someone.
- Spread legs and straight back (slightly leaning) when sit: slightly spreaded legs will make you appear larger, open and especially confident of yourself. Do not spread them too much, or you'll come off as arrogant. NOT for girls, least you take unwanted glares.
- Face the person with your whole body when possible: looking at them in the eyes is good, but you also have to face them with the whole body, since it shows focused interest toward them.
- Imitate their mood: if they look angry, looking at them beaming is not a good starting plan. Be prepared to adeguate your mood to what you have in front of you. People need to relate to you, and if you look the opposite of their mood, you alienate them before been starting. You don't have to look sad immediately as you notice them sad, just understand the room.
what to avoid
- Hands in your pockets: unlike behind your back, putting them inside your pockets make you appear meek and timid (if with bad posture), or as if hiding something and intimidating (if with good posture). Hiding the hands in general is not good.
- Crossed arms: make you look aggressive, stern and unwilling to be open, which intimidates the one you have in front of you.
- crossing legs while sitting: same as above.
- Arms hugging your sides: (as if crossed but around your sides). Make you look as if uncomfortable with the discussion, wanting to comfort yourself.
- Doing anything else while someone is talking: very good way to show you couldn't care less. Also very, very annoying: someone is talking to you, and you look your phone?
- Nervous tics: avoid touching your nose, sniffing your fingers, playing with your hair, touching your chin/beard and similar gestures, they express anxiety.
In general for boys: you have to look as someone with authority, not much dominant, but not passive/submissive for sure.
Girls have the exact same tips, except that they can cross their legs while sitting (because is seen as more elegant) and they can put their hands on their sides, which is a feminine and confident pose (feminine, because it accentuates the sides' curves, and confident, because it straight up the back and make them appear larger). (Boys can put their hands on their sides too, but it's simply less common.)
Much like boys, you have to appear confident. Also, and this is a social bias, crossed arms for girls is good for looking confident, unlike boys. That's because we have the bias that girls are naturally submissive, and so seeing one more "aggressive looking" makes them appear as "confident".
Also do note the stereotype of "extrovert = charismatic", as I previously mentioned. All the points above can be followed by anyone. Introverts are not shy and submissive, nor extroverts are the social leaders: introverts are people who are less energized in social contexts, and as such they engage less than extroverts, but they can very well be charismatic.
Bonus: "Being rich is necessary to be charismatic!"
Let's be real: we are talking about persuasiveness and charisma, which are social qualities and interactions, of course if you are rich you're going to have bonus points. That's just not about "attract girls", because everyone is attracted by rich people (except communists), and that's because we have created, since capitalism was born in circa 1700 Holland, the social construct of "rich = better". I'm not going to talk about Max Weber and shit, but to synthesize: nowadays, in a world where everything is being processed with money, being rich is power. So of course one is more attracted by someone with power: we are animals, we like hierarchies, and even more, this is a socially AND globally accepted hierarchy!But that doesn't mean the non-rich people aren't charismatic. Remember the Charisma % points? Being rich is a +10% boost outside the charter, because it's rare, and having a solid but not that much income is good but not totally game changing. The only turn off is if you're completely and utterly broke (homeless or very close), simply because "if you can't provide yourself, how can you be reliable toward others?" And no, being nice and smart won't help you, because even if being rich doesn't mean anything about reliability, social perception doesn't work like that, sadly.
2 - Persuasion checks.
We finally get to the point of this post: how do we get to be persuasive?Persuasion
Let's talk real fast about persuasion: Ethos, Pathos and Logos. Eloquence is making sure the speech is memorable and eliminating the monotone, while Persuasion is using these three rows to reach the right hearts.
- Ethos: it's all about being credible and appear authoritative. It's used to create trust in your claims. It's worth showing Ethos in any context, really, mixed with the other two. It's about citing sources, showing expertise (even fake, if you're good!) and show fairness. That's right, don't take position immediately.
Example: "Fair point, in fact, my point is not much further-" good.
"But what if they are wrong?"
Well the example above is good if you need to be assertive with the arguing person. If you want to humiliate them without respect, wait the next post. Always be showing them a little bit of the rope though, don't try to humiliate them if you have to convince them or a smart audience, humiliate them without being rude only when you are sure the audience is on your side, try to not sound biased, and use Pathos and Logos below.
- Pathos: You have to appeal to others' emotions if you have to sway them at your side. If you think that logic and facts is everything, you don't know how rhetoric works. People want to feel what you say, not just understand (if they even listen to you, by that point). Use storytelling, rely on common grounds, paint pictures with words.
Example: "Imagine waking up one day, and having your mother killed by a missile while buying groceries." good.
- Logos: Logic is not bad, it's just that it doesn't work with idiots. But when you have intellectuals against you, people that actually question you, you have to be rock solid in your arguments. Use statistics, use logic connections and analogies.
Example: "This side is attacking only military compounds, the civilian's lost are always a defeat, but they amount to no more than DATA, my source is SOURCE" good.
The real Persuasion is using them all in the right moment. When is the right moment? We'll see it in Speech-craft.
Speech-craft: The tricks
Finally the core! This is all about the little hidden tricks to have an upper hand in your debates! Of course, it's also the hardest past. Why? Because learning them is easy, applying them all is extremely hard. I'll mix them with an healthy dose of gaslighting (Manipulation), because the point here is to win.1. The Magic Three and repetitions
People remember the number three. That's the simplest trick you can use: if you have something to sponsor or prove, illustrate three points. This is because human minds find a pattern in things, and three is the easiest and universal pattern.1. "My side has the best armaments" / feels unrelatable;
2. "My side has the best armaments and the best trained army" / feels incomplete;
3. "My side has the best armaments, the best trained army AND the best generals to guide them" / feels complete.
Always present three arguments. Lie is fine if you don't know the details, especially in non-Logos debates.
Repetitions are good too, you have to impress the word that sway them at your side inside their heads. It's not a coincidence, that one of the greatest speech of humanity history has a lot of repetitions:
Of course, If you didn't get it, his point was thet UK had to fight back, not surrender, like the rest of the House suggested.
2. Yes Set
Things get hard and very strong, very fast. The Yes Set is probably the strongest technique, and one really hard to pull off in improvised talking. It consists on asking small, agreeable rhetoric questions to make the other side agree with each of them, so that they'll slowly agree to what you want to say.Stupid example: you want to make someone clean the dishes for you.
"Damn, there's still the dishes to clean..." / real observable fact;
"I'm so tired, I've just finished studying..." / act as someone tired, of course.
"Can you please clean them?" / It's much, much more probable that your interlocutor will clean the dishes for you.
Obama was an absolute master of it in his speeches (if he wrote them by himself, that is). Here's an example:
So, if we analyze it:
"America, I believe we can build on the progress we've made and continue to fight for new jobs and new opportunity and new security for the middle class." / something everyone agree on the basis of patriotism.
"I believe we can keep the promise of our founders, the idea that if you're willing to work hard, it doesn't matter who you are [...]" / something we all agree.
"It doesn't matter where you come from, or what you like, or what you love." / pushes things further, while still on the same premise. Notice the repetition too, enforcing how nothing matters when you work hard.
"It doesn't matter whether you're black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American or young or old or rich or poor, able, disabled, gay or straight, [...]" / pushes the agenda further, while holding on the same principles!
"You can make it here in America if you're willing to try." / powerful ending, while keeping the audience nodding all along! Clamorous success!
3. Foot on the door Technique
The most famous winning method. It can be translated in ask small things, then go up. People are more compliant if they already accept something from you, because they feel consistency and trust. Example:"Can you help me clean this plate? I can't remove the stain!" / Small request, make sure to sound in difficulty.
(As they almost finish cleaning) "Can you please help me clean the dishes?" / Will hardly refuse after seeping the first request, even more while already helping you.
4. Door in the face Technique
The exact opposite of the method above, more powerful if done right but also more risky: start big, then go down. The first one worked for consistency and bonding, this works because of the feeling of guilty. You don't have to exaggerate with the big request though, or you'll alienate your victim. Example:(your victim in is pajama) "Can you go buying me the cigarettes?" / Big request, because they have to dress up, go out...
(after they refuse, make sure you look annoyed/saddened) "At least can you help me with the dishes?" / Much hardly they'll refuse to help you again.
5. Reciprocity Principle
Humans are wired to have a sense of fairness and altruism one with the other. That's because of our social evolution, which pushed us into forming strong social structures. If we do something, we expect something back, much like if we get something we feel the need to reciprocate. That's also why real altruism is a fable: even when there's nothing back to earn, we just want something that is approval, a thank you, even just from ourselves, from our beliefs.Anyway, point is: we feel the need to reciprocate. Every small gesture increases compliance.
Example:
(Do something for the person you have to convince, like making them some coffee);
(after a while, not soon after) "hey, can you do the dishes?" / It's more probable that the victim will comply, still feeling gratitude and debt from before.
6. Scarcity Principle
When there's something in scarce quantity, humans are prone to be more compliant because of a psychological effects called FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Example:"Please, help me doing the dishes, I've got a class online call in 5 minutes!"
Also used in marketing.
"Hurry! The sale is ending soon!"
Speech-craft: the defense
How about we learn how to defend ourselves from these and other common tricks?1. The Anchoring Effect
An extremely powerful trick of marketing. Humans tend to rely on the first piece of information given. In other words: if we hear a fact, we will anchor ourselves to that piece of information, in case there's a higher/lower estimation. Why is this important?
2. The Framing Effect
People tend to accept more willingly a message if it has a positive connotation. Framing is exactly about giving the message the right tone. Even "starving children in Africa" advertising has a better effect when put positively, rather than negatively. Instead of saying "Little Johnny is starving, he needs your help", say "Little Johnny, thanks to your donations, can afford to eat and play with others."
3. The Contrast Effect
Have ever been on a watch store? Maybe a jewelry? A goldsmith? If so, then you surely have noticed how the "helper" there would come toward you, and ask "Hello sir/miss, can I help you? Are you looking for something in particular?"If you accept, after few info you give them, they will show you several pieces of merchandise. One will always be too expensive, justified by the logo or a little diamond or anything, and the second is much more affordable, without the useless expensive details like the brand name, and you will love it, because it has the same functionality and cool style without the absurd price!
This is the Contrast Effect: showing something expensive compared to something less expensive, to make you buy the less expensive alternative.
4. Decoy Effect
Ever seen some prices and sales that were... just dumb? For example, a journal membership:- $5/month: you can read the news.
- $10/month: you get to only publish your articles.
- SPECIAL OFFER! $10/month WELCOME GIFT: you can read the news AND publish your articles.
5. Foot in the mouth Technique
(and this can also be used as a trick)
Before making requests or ask something, be nice and do personal questions, as if breaking the ice. People are more compliant, after you make them talk a bit about themselves personally. Example:
"So, what do you study? Oh, you are in college? You play football?"
"So anyway, here's the contract about your financial investments."
Conclusion
I wanted to talk about Manipulation more in-depth, outside of little Speech-craft tips, but it's such a complex and deep topic that I'll cover it in one of the next posts. Be charismatic, and love yourself!Sources
- N. Oliverio, V. Russo, "Psicologia dei Consumi" ("Psychology of Consuming"). Absolute gigachad book about consumerism and psychology of consumerism, marketing and communication, it's so big and detailed that what I wrote here is like 3-4 summarized pages. If you read (and understand and master) it, you'll become the salesman.
- E. Aronson, T. D. Wilson, R. Akert, "Psicologia Sociale" ("Social Psychology"). Awesome book about society and social psychology, aka social perception, how groups work, symbols and language.
