awok
Gold
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2025
- Posts
- 949
- Reputation
- 987
Title
The world is a cold, lonely hellscape and im unable to navigate it without substances. I hate everyone, and everything. Nothing brings me joy, only watching people suffer does, ill tell my therapist about this, before any of you ask.
Hell.
The hell i exist in is what I can only describe as demonic, twisted, and simply unfair. Nothing I do makes any change, nothing I say has any affect, nothing I wish for ever comes true, and worst of all, nothing I feel will ever change how other people feel about me. People view me as a weirdo, a freak, the "school shooter" type. (Yes, thats ACTUALLY BEEN SAID TO MY FUCKING FACE
) they arent wrong, but i thought I was good at acting, clearly im not. My mask is slipping, and its not easy to put back up after it slips, (fellow aspies will corroborate this) I can not, will not, and want not to mask any more. I just want to be me, not this person I act as.
my alien life
i am an alien, not that i just feel like one, I AM one. I look human, i sound human, i even act human sometimes, but its all a charade, its a reality that i cant delude myself out of. I want to be human, I try so hard to be human, but I cant be one as long as im me, fuck if I know how humans act anyways, i was raised by an emotional foid, and i think to some extent that is why i dont feel as many as you humans do. Seeing how impractical, and stupid it is to let emotions dictate your life, has put me off ever actually wanting to feel them, I mean I want to feel them, but I want to be ignorant to them too, I want them to be natural, not a show I put on.
Whatever, this is getting long now.
TLDR: stupid alien loser hates his hellish life
The world is a cold, lonely hellscape and im unable to navigate it without substances. I hate everyone, and everything. Nothing brings me joy, only watching people suffer does, ill tell my therapist about this, before any of you ask.
Hell.
The hell i exist in is what I can only describe as demonic, twisted, and simply unfair. Nothing I do makes any change, nothing I say has any affect, nothing I wish for ever comes true, and worst of all, nothing I feel will ever change how other people feel about me. People view me as a weirdo, a freak, the "school shooter" type. (Yes, thats ACTUALLY BEEN SAID TO MY FUCKING FACE
) they arent wrong, but i thought I was good at acting, clearly im not. My mask is slipping, and its not easy to put back up after it slips, (fellow aspies will corroborate this) I can not, will not, and want not to mask any more. I just want to be me, not this person I act as.my alien life
i am an alien, not that i just feel like one, I AM one. I look human, i sound human, i even act human sometimes, but its all a charade, its a reality that i cant delude myself out of. I want to be human, I try so hard to be human, but I cant be one as long as im me, fuck if I know how humans act anyways, i was raised by an emotional foid, and i think to some extent that is why i dont feel as many as you humans do. Seeing how impractical, and stupid it is to let emotions dictate your life, has put me off ever actually wanting to feel them, I mean I want to feel them, but I want to be ignorant to them too, I want them to be natural, not a show I put on.
Whatever, this is getting long now.
TLDR: stupid alien loser hates his hellish life
