Anybody else's mental health degrading/degraded?

[Deleted member 13626]

No shitposting pls

Long post ahead:

I'm 17, and my whole life was shit. I know life is both good and bad but i literally got 0 good stuff happen to me. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to face and i ascended to htn from looksmaxing and puberty alone (i wont provide pics yet as i didnt finish my journey)

But i was bluepilled before and ugly and told myself i will lose my virginity by 15. I have severe social anxiety, but im not that high inhib to not know how to carry a conversation etc. I'm still a virgin, since i found the blackpill i improved my looks but also degraded my mental health knowing middle tier normies are having sex bcs of their low inhib and being sociable

I was abused , suffered trauma to the head , ignored , bullied, i got severe social anxiety, trust issues, my grades are going down, i'm slowly losing my friends, only 2 female "friends" , classmates dont count, but i wont bang either of those 2 so idk why im still friends with them, covid is cucking me bcs lockdowns and online school.

Most interactions i had when i was a kid turned into nothing bcs i dont have too many old friends, just 2 . And i still have social anxiety. Mom says a psychologist appointment is too expensive. I got high sex drive and knowing i never held hands , never kissed let alone have sex with a girl, i'm tired of fapping even if i dont overdo it, still pathetic even if its not porn and i have thoughts of raping (i'm low inhib enough to do crimes but i still got hope for the future)
I dont want to drink alcohool as its a looksmin, smoking doesnt make you cool, and drugs just no, i will just do crazy shit when high

Knowing how pathetic i am and my life is, i dont know what to do or how to cope as games, masturbating , gym wont do it

Lately my anger issues have sky rocketed and have lost interest for people. Like i want to manipulate, hurt people, bully , i have noticed my empathy going down drastically, i started lying more and people dont notice it, i started faking my emotions too, like im happy for someone, that low inhib stuff even tho i'm actually playing with them

I fear all this trauma, blackpill , past and present (hopefully the future is good, i've been telling myself it will be good) is leading me to actually become dark triad ffs no joking tbh, that's how much my mental health has degraded. And i don't want to go to prison for life because i'm so insane idk what i'm doing

I won't commit suicide since im not a bitch, this life is hitting me from all directions since i was a small child and i will hit it back harder

Also please give me reactions so i can at least feel some sort of pleasure by being appreciated here knowing i'm not irl

Share your story down below if you want, i will read all of it

Kys if you say dn rd

 

[Vermilioncore]

It has descended. I would climb Mount Everest 10 times to have it normal again

 

[Deleted member 11758]

dnrd but i hope the best for you bro, stay strong

 

[AlexAP]

My condolences. Social anxiety is a bitch.

I hope you ascend. You are still young, you have time.

 

[Deleted member 13626]

My condolences. Social anxiety is a bitch.

I hope you ascend. You are still young, you have time.

Should i try xanax or alcohol? I've been thinking of going to clubs since i looksmaxed but corona fuck this, planned to bang a drunk girl idgaf if she didnt allow me to or not, this high sex drive is killing me that i've been thinking of going to prostitutes. I ascended a little bit, still got a lot of journey, at least i have good genes and i'm blackpilled (most in romania are and dont looksmax but damn its painful that they are more sociable compared to me.) Gl to you aswell.

 

[AlexAP]

Should i try xanax or alcohol?

Alcohol lowers inhibition, but you should try to do it without alcohol first if you haven't already.

If you want to take drugs for social situations, there is a lot of advice here you can find. I often hear of Phenibut.

I've been thinking of going to clubs since i looksmaxed but corona fuck this, planned to bang a drunk girl idgaf if she didnt allow me to or not, this high sex drive is killing me that i've been thinking of going to prostitutes.

Going to a hooker can help if you are okay with it. I don't know about the legal situation in Romania for this though. You should be careful about banging drunk girls, this can end very badly.

Gl to you aswell.

Thanks.

 

[Ruben]

I relate a lot.

I ran out of empathy ... and overthinking about my past and still present actions only makes it worst. It does not matter if good things happens to me like ... I'm unable to feel as before

 

[Deleted member 13626]

I relate a lot.

I ran out of empathy ... and overthinking about my past and still present actions only makes it worst. It does not matter if good things happens to me like ... I'm unable to feel as before

U bumped a year old post. Things have changed for the better. Although i still hate majority of humans and i feel more emotions towards animals than them.

I no longer care about the past or future, it's not worth it. Life is too short, I was full of stress and misery but now I'm clean and no longer stressed out or give a f about anything. I'm much better