luuk
Determined
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2025
- Posts
- 3,160
- Reputation
- 5,321
I’ve always been pretty distrustful and paranoid stemming from my own childhood (abused dog, gullible ND kid who got tricked & taken advantage of a lot) but I’m now sort of realising that its bordering on schizo behaviour
I assume that people are talking about me way more than I should. I think that my housemates are gossiping about me whenever I’m not in the same room as them whilst they’re chatting, that people on the street who talk after I walk past were talking about me, that my friends and family secretly find me irritating and gossip about me etc
But its not just in a low self esteem way, it can also be incredibly narcissistic instead. I interpret way more things as IOIs than I should. I feel like a foid is interested in me whenever she so much as takes a glance at me, that one brushing against me or leaning on me in a crowded bus is because they want me, that guys with girlfriends get insecure about me and try to pull them away etc
Sometimes its downright irrational/improbable, like worrying that my housemates would see my search history if they every checked the wifi admin panel, that weird/lewd stuff in my camera roll would accidentally show up in awkward situations, that people irl would recognise me from my org activity etc
Its tiring, makes me worry too much about things that don’t matter and makes me higher inhib. Childhood environment is absolutely brutal because what do you mean hanging around with “friends” who thought it was funny to constantly tell me lies (and properly invest in keeping them up) and ruin my trust in even those closest to me led to, in a small way, my brain being cooked as an adult..
I assume that people are talking about me way more than I should. I think that my housemates are gossiping about me whenever I’m not in the same room as them whilst they’re chatting, that people on the street who talk after I walk past were talking about me, that my friends and family secretly find me irritating and gossip about me etc
But its not just in a low self esteem way, it can also be incredibly narcissistic instead. I interpret way more things as IOIs than I should. I feel like a foid is interested in me whenever she so much as takes a glance at me, that one brushing against me or leaning on me in a crowded bus is because they want me, that guys with girlfriends get insecure about me and try to pull them away etc
Sometimes its downright irrational/improbable, like worrying that my housemates would see my search history if they every checked the wifi admin panel, that weird/lewd stuff in my camera roll would accidentally show up in awkward situations, that people irl would recognise me from my org activity etc
Its tiring, makes me worry too much about things that don’t matter and makes me higher inhib. Childhood environment is absolutely brutal because what do you mean hanging around with “friends” who thought it was funny to constantly tell me lies (and properly invest in keeping them up) and ruin my trust in even those closest to me led to, in a small way, my brain being cooked as an adult..
