Anyone else starting to think its just over for their life because of their brain chemistry

[luuk]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

 

[luuk]

bump

 

[luuk]

b

 

[luuk]

ump

 

[aethus]

Sorry man but asperger is autistic psychopathy, you don't feel things like the other human beings do but just pretend to feel, therefore i wish you fucking death aspie faggot

 

[luuk]

Sorry man but asperger is autistic psychopathy, you don't feel things like the other human beings do but just pretend to feel, therefore i wish you fucking death aspie faggot

Thatcher banner
You first you worthless dalit greynigger

 

[aethus]

Thatcher banner
You first you worthless dalit greynigger

I'm white. You will neck yourself faster or sooner.

 

[luuk]

I'm white. You will neck yourself faster or sooner.

Whiter than you

 

[enchanted_elixir]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

You sound 95% like me. The only difference is that I become depressed or anxious not resentful and angry.

I also don’t have any slays, don’t suffer from one sided attraction (on my end, for the other women yes), less impulsive, and I’m shorter lol.

Try being mindful of your breath and your body (keep it entirely relaxed) and your feelings as the same time without fail for 15 minutes and focus your entire mind on that.

it was so hard to do, I did it once because I was suffering from so much physical pain one time that doing that was the only solution.

For two hours after that session, it fix my brain chemistry. I felt much happier, much smarter, much more clearheaded, much less impulsive, much more satiated, much more motivated, much better decision-making and much more emotionally stable.

It’s hard to get him back in that state again because it’s so hard to reach in the first place.

 

[enchanted_elixir]

Sorry man but asperger is autistic psychopathy, you don't feel things like the other human beings do but just pretend to feel, therefore i wish you fucking death aspie faggot

Why do you say this?

 

[luuk]

You sound 95% like me. The only difference is that I become depressed or anxious not resentful and angry.

I also don’t have any slays, don’t suffer from one sided attraction (on my end, for the other women yes), less impulsive, and I’m shorter lol.

Try being mindful of your breath and your body (keep it entirely relaxed) and your feelings as the same time without fail for 15 minutes and focus your entire mind on that.

it was so hard to do, I did it once because I was suffering from so much physical pain one time that doing that was the only solution.

For two hours after that session, it fix my brain chemistry. I felt much happier, much smarter, much more clearheaded, much less impulsive, much more satiated, much more motivated, much better decision-making and much more emotionally stable.

It’s hard to get him back in that state again because it’s so hard to reach in the first place.

I've done a bit of meditation and I agree that it clears your head (also great for fixing your attention span) but only temporarily
Maybe I need to get really into that stuff though good advice

 

[aethus]

Why do you say this?

Because he's indeed psychopath.

 

[enchanted_elixir]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

Can you tell me about your upbringing, and if you have any French or West Germanic ancestry?

 

[luuk]

Because he's indeed psychopath.

You're the one telling people to kill themselves jfl

 

[enchanted_elixir]

I've done a bit of meditation and I agree that it clears your head (also great for fixing your attention span) but only temporarily
Maybe I need to get really into that stuff though good advice

That is exactly what helps for me, but my experience with that event where I was in excruciating physical pain that I could not remove no matter how much I tried, I had to basically become a Buddhist master in the span of 20 minutes and maintain full mindfulness of everything going on within me without fail.

Fix my transmitters, if I can get back in that state again, and stay in that state, I would do so well in life.

Have you ever taken Adderall? Have you ever had days where you woke up and your brain felt extremely clear headed?

 

[luuk]

Can you tell me about your upbringing, and if you have any French or West Germanic ancestry?

Pretty much entirely Irish ancestry, grew up in the UK
I had a fairly stable home life, no major trauma or turmoil but my father was an emotionally absent stoic exmilitary type, whilst my mother was very loving but almost smothering and a bit emotionally volatile. My parents were fairly strict but not abusive or anything, I think I grew up a bit sheltered tbh

 

[heightmax]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

dnr yet but i can just relate to the title

i think i have depression social anxiety narcisism and maybe even a for of autism

why me

 

[luuk]

That is exactly what helps for me, but my experience with that event where I was in excruciating physical pain that I could not remove no matter how much I tried, I had to basically become a Buddhist master in the span of 20 minutes and maintain full mindfulness of everything going on within me without fail.

Fix my transmitters, if I can get back in that state again, and stay in that state, I would do so well in life.

Have you ever taken Adderall? Have you ever had days where you woke up and your brain felt extremely clear headed?

They don't prescribe adderall in the UK but Vysanse is probably the closest thing I'm probably gonna end up on that. I've tried methylphenidate (non-stimulant medication) and it was pretty shit. Self-medicated a bit with modafinil for studying, its good for focus but not so much for executive dysfunction

 

[puff]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

dnr

 

[DrunkenSailor]

Cant it be altered

 

[luuk]

Cant it be altered

If you've figured that one out let me know, but not easily or predictably afaik

 

[enchanted_elixir]

Pretty much entirely Irish ancestry, grew up in the UK
I had a fairly stable home life, no major trauma or turmoil but my father was an emotionally absent stoic exmilitary type, whilst my mother was very loving but almost smothering and a bit emotionally volatile. My parents were fairly strict but not abusive or anything, I think I grew up a bit sheltered tbh

Do you think you have avoidant attachment style?

 

[heightmax]

I think the combination of whatever type of neurodivergence I was born with and my formative experiences have almost irreperably condemned me to a short and turbulent existence.

I'm aspie to the degree that I can pass as neurotypical at first glance but rarely properly connect with people and I feel like an alien wearing a human's skin, I think people can sense that somethings "off" but can't pinpoint it, there's an uncanniness to me. A friend of mine (autistic himself, practically a genius) said once that I sort of give off psychopath vibes when I asked him about it . I maintain decent social relationships and I'm OK looking (LMTN 6'2") and I've slayed a few times but I've had no luck with any sort of long term relationships at all and my friendships feel surface level and artificial. I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

I have pretty bad adhd which I'm trying to get medicated for. I'm also super impulsive and wired towards short-term gratification which has led to a lot of mistakes and will only lead to worse if I continue to deteriorate. In recent years I seem to be suffering with really bad mood swings, not sure if its related to that or is indicative of a personality disorder or medical issue or something (although my bloodwork seemed fine before). But at the same time I'm super ambitious (and to be fair, pretty damn bright) and so I literally cannot afford to fail or settle in life for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I have potential but my mental health and general motivation and drive fluctuates rapidly so I go through periods of hyperfixation and slacking.

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

same
my french teacher has called me a psycho many times
relatable even for the part when people wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance because i’m such a nt looking and behaving person

 

[luuk]

Do you think you have avoidant attachment style?

No, the opposite really almost certainly anxious attachment

 

[enchanted_elixir]

They don't prescribe adderall in the UK but Vysanse is probably the closest thing I'm probably gonna end up on that. I've tried methylphenidate (non-stimulant medication) and it was pretty shit. Self-medicated a bit with modafinil for studying, its good for focus but not so much for executive dysfunction

Executive function can be fixed, but takes a lot of mental effort to do. I know because I actually accidentally fixed it completely (see story above) and also had phases where I had to stay disciplined so I had to control myself very strictly, and I was able to get it back

 

[DrunkenSailor]

If you've figured that one out let me know, but not easily or predictably afaik

I’ll try to do some shit this year see if it makes any changes

How old are you btw

 

[luuk]

I’ll try to do some shit this year see if i can do any changes

How old are you btw

19

 

[heightmax]

I really at my heart just want to be wanted, but I never am, I've never been anyone first choice, I always care about them more than they do to me and it just enrages me as the pattern repeats over and over..

 

[DrunkenSailor]

19

Still got a whole life ahead of you, so you can’t really say yet that you haven’t found someone who really wants you because there are lots to explore

 

[luuk]

Still got a whole life ahead of you, so you can’t really say yet that you haven’t found someone who really wants you because there are lots to explore

I don't think I'm never gonna get a gf or anything I probably will sooner or later, I just think I'm wired in such a way that I'm inherently self destructive and neurotic and will fuck things up and react disproportionally to things

 

[DrunkenSailor]

I don't think I'm never gonna get a gf or anything I probably will sooner or later, I just think I'm wired in such a way that I'm inherently self destructive and neurotic and will fuck things up and react disproportionally to things

There are ways to learn self control and you can also learn what to do/not to do when you have a partner, some things you learn along the way by knowing the person you chose to spend your time with. It’s not that hard tbh, we just have this hyperbolic image that it’s near impossible to have someone if you aren’t or don’t act a certain way (NT)

 

[Earth776]

I relate 100%, tbh I think they key is to really just accept who you are and try to as much as possible act off of the thoughts of your rational mind and not be driven by impulses or emotion. I feel like everybody atleast to an extent knows what’s best for themselves but they let impulse and emotion cloud and dominate their decision making . Pretty much I think u just have to try to make the most clear headed decisions possible and accept wherever that leads you because what else can your really do and that’s smth im tryna do myself

 

[luuk]

I relate 100%, tbh I think they key is to really just accept who you are and try to as much as possible act off of the thoughts of your rational mind and not be driven by impulses or emotion. I feel like everybody atleast to an extent knows what’s best for themselves but they let impulse and emotion cloud and dominate their decision making . Pretty much I think u just have to try to make the most clear headed decisions possible and accept wherever that leads you because what else can your really do and that’s smth im tryna do myself

First post is a reply to mine I'm honoured
But yeah solid advice, there's definitely a rational and emotional side to me and sometimes I just have to just reflect and understand that how I'm feeling will probably pass and listening to it probably isn't logical or whats best for me

 

[kwk3998]

The scary part is I'm getting worse by the day. I think I was in an OK state a couple of years ago, a bit off but still "healthy". Now though I feel myself getting angrier and more resentful, more reactive, tending towards dissociation more, my thoughts get worse, more pathological. The typical "go outside, eat healthy, sleep right, get off the internet" platitudes aren't gonna help I've tried that. A better lifestyle helps mildly with my day to day mental state but doesn't deal with the underlying problems, which I'm not sure can be fixed. I know what happens to people like me.. its so over

Yeah I relate to this a lot and the rough part is that my dads family has a shit ton of mental illness,