At the very end, Im the one who lost

[african_subhuman]

I always try to act tough, to gazlight myself into believing that I never needed anybody anyway, that Im different and better than other, that I would rather be on my own, that I dont care about anything, that nothing matters anyway.
But truth is, deep down, I always wanted to be like others, laugh with friends, talk about our interest, spending good times, being here for each other, having a reliable person, to feel understood and supported.
I always have yarned for that but I couldn't have access to it. Why? Who knows.
It's almost like this was my fate. No matter how hard I try to escape this hole, I keep falling down.
Since they were no escape for me, I began to cope thinking that this is the best for me. That is my curse, the only thing that will never leave me, loneliness

 

[Rea]

Sorry I'm not reading all that it's 3 am

 

[african_subhuman]

Sorry I'm not reading all that it's 3 am

Feels free, I just wanted to let it out somewhere

 

[Rea]

Feels free, I just wanted to let it out somewhere

Ok now I feel bad I'll read sryy

 

[Rea]

I always try to act tough, to gazlight myself into believing that I never needed anybody anyway, that Im different and better than other, that I would rather be on my own, that I dont care about anything, that nothing matters anyway.
But truth is, deep down, I always wanted to be like others, laugh with friends, talk about our interest, spending good times, being here for each other, having a reliable person, to feel understood and supported.
I always have yarned for that but I couldn't have access to it. Why? Who knows.
It's almost like this was my fate. No matter how hard I try to escape this hole, I keep falling down.
Since they were no escape for me, I began to cope thinking that this is the best for me. That is my curse, the only thing that will never leave me, loneliness

It is what it is, I'm lonely and I'm fine tbh (most of the time) you just have to accept it

 

[Vermilioncore]

I lost too. But then I realized that losing is just another word for winning

 

[african_subhuman]

It is what it is, I'm lonely and I'm fine tbh (most of the time) you just have to accept it

I will never accept it. I know it's better for me to do so but no cope will make forget about the reality I deeply desire. Everyday I get a sharp pain in my heart it because of it like I had a severe chronical desease. And im not even overacting it really hurts me