D
Deleted member 95337
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- Joined
- Sep 20, 2024
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Just so many thought going through my head as of right now so I thought I'd vent on .Org for a little bit even if nobody reads this pile of crap.
I was moved to the U.K at a young age, originally I'm from a country where most Men are 180cm+ but turns out I got unlucky and got to be 172cm (5'8).
Now this is where my life finally starts to become a disaster.
Not much to say about my life when I was a baby but I heard from my Mum that my Dad would just sometimes disappear for a couple days and then return and would mostly spend his time with his "friends".
My Dad left me at what, Age: 3 - 5? to go do drugs with his friend('s). I remember this memory vividly on how my Dad just stormed off the house and I'd try to catch up to him and ask him, "Where are you going?" multiple times but then my Mum would just bring me back into the house and I'd worry if my Dad would ever come back. Turns out things are about to get a lot worse...
Mum decided to bring in my Stepdad, lets call him Tyler.
Tyler would love to abuse my mum (Physically and verbally) and play stupid pinching games with me where he'd call them "horsey bites" that would sting like hell afterwards and during the moment. I also remember when my Mum would often curl up in a ball when Tyler would go for a hit and I'd hear screaming, shouting and all of that none sense, especially when my Mum would grab me, wrap her arm around my neck to use me as some kind of shield to defend herself from him or to deter him away from hitting her. He'd eventually let go but then I'd hear the horrible ear-piercing screams my Mum would make to me to "help" her although the dude was like a giant to me when I was little
so I'd just run away and play on my PS2 (Lego Star Wars) or hide.
Mum would constantly tell me that I'm worthless, stupid, idiotic, can't do simple tasks and would sometimes even get a belt, Oh but not just any belt but a belt with fucking metal beads on them and would wack me across the back with it and when I ask her this now she just tells me it's..."discipline". Or when she'd get pissed she would drag me across my room, hit me and slap me.
Tyler would do the same thing to me apart from the physical stuff and mainly the verbal stuff.
-----------------------
Now about my Dad,
Well, I'd be able to visit him sometimes and stay over at his house at the school holidays playing on my PS3 (God those were good times...), No drinking, shouting or fighting. Just me being a kid. My Dad has never ever hit me in my life (apart from one time but that was just a simple slap) or verbally abused me. Those were man...the only times I could actually be happy as a kid. Oh and a bunch of nice memories on how his sister and I would go to trips, fishing and Zoos because I never really go to experience that at Home with Mum.
Hell sometimes I'd even get nightmares waking up at Mum's house just to realise I'm near my Dad.
Eventually Tyler snuck out the house quietly without making a sound, of-course I saw it but didn't really say anything. He packed his bags with his mate and flew out of the country to go back to where he originally was from and completely left me and my Mum alone. My Mum was deeply upset by this lets just say...
-----------------------
Now I want to talk about the time I got into Foster Care when I was about 8 - 12 years old (Memory isn't too bright honestly). This was the only time in my life where I was genuinely happy, again, no fighting, shouting or arguments just being a kid with a nice British family (Stayed in foster for about a year) where we vacationed, went to do activities, helping me count money because every time I wouldn't understand something from my Mum she'd just go on a rant and start screaming at me that I'm a idiot until the point all my homework was just covered in tear droplets.
They even made a memory book and put their Facebook name on the back so just in case in the future when I get older if I ever want to contact them again but of course I had to be let go and I cried so hard when I went back with my Mum, I could tell she was unhappy with the way I was so happy before.
Oh and about that memory book stuffed with photos of us doing stuff together. Mum just ripped everything out and threw it in the bin, then she'd later mock me on how I cried whilst going home.
-----------------------
Later down the line I get into Secondary School and Mum finds a new Boyfriend who was literally just a copy of Tyler but loved to drink a lot more and would break shit around the house.
I get diagnosed with ASD (Autism), get bullied by kids through-out School because of my appearance and height.
Now my Dad is suffering from Liver Cancer from all that bull-shit he's been doing to himself but he's also had a rough childhood so I can't blame him man...
He told me recently that he's sorry that he couldn't support me during those tough times as a kid (unlike my Mum who always expects me to apologise for here even if its her own fault).
Now I have to live the life of a 5'8 16 year old LTN. Bearing trauma with me everyday and mental burdens alongside my Mum thinking that I'm not normal and only wanting me to stay with her because of my Autism funds (You can laugh...). There's a lot more than this but it'll already be long enough than what it is.
I cope with Weed and Vidya with my life or by locking myself in a tightly small closed room and sob in there. I just don't understand why I couldn't have at least been a 5'10 HTN after all this shit even if I did turn into one over-night...still wouldn't fix my shitty mental state.
Thank you for reading this if you have. Means a lot to me...
TLDR: My life was shit from the start, abusive step-fathers, grew up without a father figure and a mother who'd constantly double down on me.
My appearance is dog shit and so is my height. Never had the chance to experience what its like to be a kid and when I would get the chance like a sleepover, my Mum would just say no...
I was moved to the U.K at a young age, originally I'm from a country where most Men are 180cm+ but turns out I got unlucky and got to be 172cm (5'8).
Now this is where my life finally starts to become a disaster.
Not much to say about my life when I was a baby but I heard from my Mum that my Dad would just sometimes disappear for a couple days and then return and would mostly spend his time with his "friends".
My Dad left me at what, Age: 3 - 5? to go do drugs with his friend('s). I remember this memory vividly on how my Dad just stormed off the house and I'd try to catch up to him and ask him, "Where are you going?" multiple times but then my Mum would just bring me back into the house and I'd worry if my Dad would ever come back. Turns out things are about to get a lot worse...
Mum decided to bring in my Stepdad, lets call him Tyler.
Tyler would love to abuse my mum (Physically and verbally) and play stupid pinching games with me where he'd call them "horsey bites" that would sting like hell afterwards and during the moment. I also remember when my Mum would often curl up in a ball when Tyler would go for a hit and I'd hear screaming, shouting and all of that none sense, especially when my Mum would grab me, wrap her arm around my neck to use me as some kind of shield to defend herself from him or to deter him away from hitting her. He'd eventually let go but then I'd hear the horrible ear-piercing screams my Mum would make to me to "help" her although the dude was like a giant to me when I was little
so I'd just run away and play on my PS2 (Lego Star Wars) or hide.
Mum would constantly tell me that I'm worthless, stupid, idiotic, can't do simple tasks and would sometimes even get a belt, Oh but not just any belt but a belt with fucking metal beads on them and would wack me across the back with it and when I ask her this now she just tells me it's..."discipline". Or when she'd get pissed she would drag me across my room, hit me and slap me.
Tyler would do the same thing to me apart from the physical stuff and mainly the verbal stuff.
-----------------------
Now about my Dad,
Well, I'd be able to visit him sometimes and stay over at his house at the school holidays playing on my PS3 (God those were good times...), No drinking, shouting or fighting. Just me being a kid. My Dad has never ever hit me in my life (apart from one time but that was just a simple slap) or verbally abused me. Those were man...the only times I could actually be happy as a kid. Oh and a bunch of nice memories on how his sister and I would go to trips, fishing and Zoos because I never really go to experience that at Home with Mum.
Hell sometimes I'd even get nightmares waking up at Mum's house just to realise I'm near my Dad.
Eventually Tyler snuck out the house quietly without making a sound, of-course I saw it but didn't really say anything. He packed his bags with his mate and flew out of the country to go back to where he originally was from and completely left me and my Mum alone. My Mum was deeply upset by this lets just say...
-----------------------
Now I want to talk about the time I got into Foster Care when I was about 8 - 12 years old (Memory isn't too bright honestly). This was the only time in my life where I was genuinely happy, again, no fighting, shouting or arguments just being a kid with a nice British family (Stayed in foster for about a year) where we vacationed, went to do activities, helping me count money because every time I wouldn't understand something from my Mum she'd just go on a rant and start screaming at me that I'm a idiot until the point all my homework was just covered in tear droplets.
They even made a memory book and put their Facebook name on the back so just in case in the future when I get older if I ever want to contact them again but of course I had to be let go and I cried so hard when I went back with my Mum, I could tell she was unhappy with the way I was so happy before.
Oh and about that memory book stuffed with photos of us doing stuff together. Mum just ripped everything out and threw it in the bin, then she'd later mock me on how I cried whilst going home.
-----------------------
Later down the line I get into Secondary School and Mum finds a new Boyfriend who was literally just a copy of Tyler but loved to drink a lot more and would break shit around the house.
I get diagnosed with ASD (Autism), get bullied by kids through-out School because of my appearance and height.
Now my Dad is suffering from Liver Cancer from all that bull-shit he's been doing to himself but he's also had a rough childhood so I can't blame him man...
He told me recently that he's sorry that he couldn't support me during those tough times as a kid (unlike my Mum who always expects me to apologise for here even if its her own fault).
Now I have to live the life of a 5'8 16 year old LTN. Bearing trauma with me everyday and mental burdens alongside my Mum thinking that I'm not normal and only wanting me to stay with her because of my Autism funds (You can laugh...). There's a lot more than this but it'll already be long enough than what it is.
I cope with Weed and Vidya with my life or by locking myself in a tightly small closed room and sob in there. I just don't understand why I couldn't have at least been a 5'10 HTN after all this shit even if I did turn into one over-night...still wouldn't fix my shitty mental state.
Thank you for reading this if you have. Means a lot to me...
TLDR: My life was shit from the start, abusive step-fathers, grew up without a father figure and a mother who'd constantly double down on me.
My appearance is dog shit and so is my height. Never had the chance to experience what its like to be a kid and when I would get the chance like a sleepover, my Mum would just say no...
