Back to being an incel and in the hole i tried so hard to get out of

[iluvmilk]

I know I sound like a pussy and I am, im tearing up righting this right now, 7 months of my FUCKING LIFe spent waiting for this girl, and at first she said no when I said I liked her and I was okay with that, but then SHE came back to ME saying she lied and that she likes me back, and I thought I had finally done it, I will have a girlfriend for the first time, these 7 months were worth it, we talked like we were already dating, then I asked her to be my girlfriend, its all my fault, she said she doesn't want a relationship, I would wait my entire fucking life for this girl but she said not to, she wants to stay as friends. Fuck, maybe its God taking her away from me, I begged him to let her like me back and she did but I didnt thank him, I was ungrateful, maybe its just blackpill, if I was htn or chadlite she would say 'yesss omg' but no, im just a fucking manlet, ethnic subhuman. Even before I liked her I felt lonely but when me and her started talking, everytime we talked I felt happy, we hung out on weekends, walked home together after school, we laughed so much, and I felt like the happiest man in the world, especially last week when we started talking like we were dating, now all thats gone, I dont have her to distract myself, I feel so lonely and I am, I barely talk to anyone, well its not that I dont talk to anyone, I do, I talk to a lot of people, its just I dont have close friends who I can talk to about her, I did talk to a few I consider close and all of them respond and do all those fucking normie things 'muhhh theres more fish in the sea' and shit but when I continue talking and venting they stop responding, I feel so lonely, and its my birthday in 3 weeks, I want to hurt myself, end it all but I dont have the balls, i know this is the worst place to vent to about this but i dont care, maybe even if just 1 person here knows how I feel ill feel better. Thank you for reading, I hope you dont have to go through what I'm going through.