Z
zzlayer49
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- Sep 8, 2024
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Height as a Major Factor in Attraction
At 192cm (6'3"), my height undeniably plays a significant role in how I’m perceived by women. If I had the same facial features but were shorter, I know things would be different. Height alone creates a presence that can attract attention, and in some ways, I think it compensates for insecurities I have about my face. If I were shorter, I’d likely struggle more in forming connections with girls, and I don’t think I'd be as socially comfortable. It feels like my height offers me a kind of buffer or advantage in initial interactions.Still, even though height draws attention, I find myself in a strange place when it comes to my facial features. On good days, I like the way I look in the mirror—but my reflection on camera tells a different story. This disconnect between how I see myself in photos versus in the mirror makes it hard to understand why I get certain positive reactions. When girls smile at me in public or seem to find me attractive, it confuses me, because the person I see on camera often doesn’t seem worthy of that attention.
The Evolution of Reactions to My Appearance
Growing up, I was often picked on because of certain facial traits: my low-set ears, wide eye area, and acne scars. At times, I was compared to characters like Sid from "Ice Age," and that hit hard during my formative years. But over time, people stopped commenting on my face as much. When they did, it was mostly in my youth, a time when I was much more insecure. Now, I don’t get the same kind of remarks, and if anyone did mention something negative, I’d likely brush it off more easily. I’ve been through it before, and I know how to convince myself that someone who throws negativity my way probably has their own issues to deal with.I sometimes feel like people joke and talk to me because of how I look. It’s this odd sense that I’m accepted socially because I’m not considered unattractive, not because of who I am. I wonder if I were more conventionally unattractive, would people view me differently? Would they think I’m weird or awkward instead of finding me funny or engaging?
Personality and Confidence
I’ve developed a sarcastic, sometimes edgy sense of humor over the years. I can be quite jokey and often make sarcastic or even provocative comments, especially when it comes to social interactions. I sometimes use humor to mask any insecurity or doubt I might have about how others see me. Oddly enough, I feel like my personality matches my face—it works because I’ve got just enough confidence to carry it off, and my appearance, especially when I present myself well, seems to support my attitude.I often engage in good conversations with girls because I’m confident, even if deep down I don’t fully believe they’re attracted to me on a deeper level. I’ve found that I’m good-looking enough to be fun and have a good time with, but I don’t think many girls would genuinely fall for me in the long run. I feel like my appearance creates a surface-level attraction, but nothing more.
Psychedelics and Self-Discovery
Psychedelics, particularly shrooms, have played an interesting role in shaping how I interact with women and others in general. Before psychedelics, I’d often overthink what I was saying or doing in social settings, but now, I’ve learned to let go. Shrooms have opened my mind, helping me release my tight grip on reality and stop caring so much about how I come across. I’m more in the moment, less afraid of judgment, and I don’t hesitate or second-guess my words as much anymore. This has made a big difference in how I communicate with girls. I speak more freely, not overthinking or worrying about my flaws.One thing I discovered on my first shroom trip was a sense of my own potential. I felt like I saw myself as I truly could be, untethered from the insecurities that plague me in everyday life. Even though my day-to-day reality often feels at odds with that vision, I still hold onto that feeling of potential, and I’m afraid of losing it. Psychedelics have shown me a version of myself that I want to live up to, even if I struggle with the practical aspects of getting there.
The Challenge of Self-Perception
My self-perception has always been tricky. On days when my hair doesn’t look the way I want it to, or when I’m overly fixated on making sure everything is "perfect," I become hyper-aware of myself. I start to worry that people will notice the imperfections or flaws that I can’t stop thinking about. Sometimes, even when things look fine, I’m so caught up in the mental image of myself as that insecure, acne-ridden kid that I can't fully embrace the person I’ve become.Despite compliments, I find it hard to believe in them. Even when people say something positive, I have a habit of countering it in my head with thoughts like, "They’re just being nice," or, "They don’t really mean it." On the flip side, the negative comments stick with me more—those are the ones I replay in my head, and they’ve contributed to the insecurity I feel about certain aspects of my face.
Growing With Age
As I’ve grown older, I’ve noticed that I don’t recognize myself as the person I see in the mirror or in pictures. There’s a gap between who I feel I am psychologically and the face and body I see reflected back at me. This disconnect between my internal and external self is something I’m still trying to reconcile. It feels like I’m stuck with the past version of myself in my head—the one who was insecure, with acne scars and self-doubt—and I can’t shake that image, even if the reality is different now.This is probably why I’m writing all of this, in an attempt to bridge that gap. I want to step into my full potential and not be held back by outdated images of myself. I’m constantly living in the shadow of my younger, less confident self, and it’s time to move past that.
(real)
