Being a pussy is ruining my life

[Prøphet]

At first it was fine, I was a kid, nothing was important, I had all the time in the world to fix it

Then in high school I started to feel something in the back of my mind, urging me to stop being this way, slowly time was beginning to run out

But now I'm really getting into life, and every night my brain is screaming at me do something, just do something

I am wasting away my days that I will never get back too afraid to take action literally rotting doing nothing because what if

What if

 

[Prøphet]

I want to change more than anything

I want to change like I want to drink water and breathe air

But everything about me is resistant to change

 

[Prøphet]

So there's this horrible friction between my present self, and the future self I envision

In the end I always succumb to this friction, and the future self I imagine becomes replaced by my present, disappointing, stagnated self

I can't become what I want to be, because I'm too pussy to take the steps that are needed (surgery, job, money, etc)

 

[Prøphet]

And now I feel like something horrible is going to happen soon, I'm going to end up becoming what I hate, all because I refused to "become"

Maybe that's more scary than doing what I have to do in life

 

[Prøphet]

Regardless, it's always easy to think and ponder about this shit at night, but this all vanishes in the moment that I'm tested, I go from rational and philosophical about my future to an idiot animal focused on immediate survival, ready to sell out anything I care about for immediate comfort

 

[Prøphet]

So really, how do I escape this cycle?

 

[keife]

At first it was fine, I was a kid, nothing was important, I had all the time in the world to fix it

Then in high school I started to feel something in the back of my mind, urging me to stop being this way, slowly time was beginning to run out

But now I'm really getting into life, and every night my brain is screaming at me do something, just do something

I am wasting away my days that I will never get back too afraid to take action literally rotting doing nothing because what if

What if

 

[Prøphet]

View attachment 4063153

I'm planning a specific hardmaxx in the coming months with support from family before I pursue trimax. I want this shit more than anything, I don't want to be subhuman anymore. But even the thought of surgery makes my throat close up and keeps me up at night. There's a good chance I'll cancel both if I keep up this fear driven mentality I've survived on for my whole life.

 

[lowtiersubhuman]

At first it was fine, I was a kid, nothing was important, I had all the time in the world to fix it

Then in high school I started to feel something in the back of my mind, urging me to stop being this way, slowly time was beginning to run out

But now I'm really getting into life, and every night my brain is screaming at me do something, just do something

I am wasting away my days that I will never get back too afraid to take action literally rotting doing nothing because what if

What if

Im too much of a pussy to rope

 

[UMIRINBRAH?]

 

[FiendFiend]

At first it was fine, I was a kid, nothing was important, I had all the time in the world to fix it

Then in high school I started to feel something in the back of my mind, urging me to stop being this way, slowly time was beginning to run out

But now I'm really getting into life, and every night my brain is screaming at me do something, just do something

I am wasting away my days that I will never get back too afraid to take action literally rotting doing nothing because what if

What if

Fucking same so relatable. I just feel like I cant fucking do shit. I have irl shit i have to do i just didnt even fucking sleep. Im gonna try my best though.

I really forgot how much i hate school man. If the bitches there dont treat me like a kang im leaving that shit man, if i dont have a friend group or make any connections im leaving it.

I just live in a fucking prison bro i live in the slums of some shithole in london, only white guy here, people stare thru u like a wall, if i even ask for directions niggas are flustered and act like u asked to put a dick in their ass. Like what the fuck man. I just give up. Never taught any social skills, 0 activities with parents after school.

I just entered secondary school and they gave up parenting for some fuck ass reason. Niggas handed us computers and I turned 12 and it was fucking over man. Lockdown, parents never fucking home, always on vacation or some shit once they get their holiday. I rlly thought my mom loved me or some shit but wants to put me on anti depressants. She sint forcing me ofc she asked me about the possibility of it but i was actually hurt deep down to the core despite her words she doesnt give a fuck about me she probably just doesnt wanna seem like a shit parent. But what the fuck man? Taking synthetic happy pill?

I need positive reinforcement but the colleges/sixth forms are always ugly as fuck modern buildings with retarded teachers who dont give a fuck like ive never seen before. U could walk out of lesson they dont give a fuck bro. Everyones just on phones 24/7 its a fucking joke. Only thing interesting is girls. Idk what the future has for me but ima just pray it isnt more of this shit. If its the same as the last time Im leaving.

Why come into school to talk to no one go on phones, learn nothing, then go home? Im pretty sure clav lived like this for some time and it drained the fuck out of him.

 

[FiendFiend]

I want to change more than anything

I want to change like I want to drink water and breathe air

But everything about me is resistant to change

so reletable nigga actually same person as me

 

[FiendFiend]

So there's this horrible friction between my present self, and the future self I envision

In the end I always succumb to this friction, and the future self I imagine becomes replaced by my present, disappointing, stagnated self

I can't become what I want to be, because I'm too pussy to take the steps that are needed (surgery, job, money, etc)

fucking true man. It hit me like a rock that school is starting, im lean as fuck but not 110lbs where i would look insane at, ive had months to prepare for this one moment and ive just been rotting on org and stroking my shit to bonnie blue innit.

im actually fucking fuming. You dont know anyone at a job, or wherever u go its fucking normal not to want to do it. Meanwhile americanfags that i know regardless of psl are flipping pizzas , laughing around, super good socially, saying hard r at their work and getting paid 20 an hour. Maybe if we didnt live in a global world and we didnt see the brutal mog it wouldnt be so bad.

 

[Arbuscular]

same

but im still in hs

 

[FiendFiend]

I'm planning a specific hardmaxx in the coming months with support from family before I pursue trimax. I want this shit more than anything, I don't want to be subhuman anymore. But even the thought of surgery makes my throat close up and keeps me up at night. There's a good chance I'll cancel both if I keep up this fear driven mentality I've survived on for my whole life.

W. Im 100% getting filler this year or next year man. Im boneless and recessed. Despite this shit ive done the best i could for myself but theres no hiding a recession or shit bones in candid

 

[Prøphet]

Fucking same so relatable. I just feel like I cant fucking do shit. I have irl shit i have to do i just didnt even fucking sleep. Im gonna try my best though.

I really forgot how much i hate school man. If the bitches there dont treat me like a kang im leaving that shit man, if i dont have a friend group or make any connections im leaving it.

I just live in a fucking prison bro i live in the slums of some shithole in london, only white guy here, people stare thru u like a wall, if i even ask for directions niggas are flustered and act like u asked to put a dick in their ass. Like what the fuck man. I just give up. Never taught any social skills, 0 activities with parents after school.

Brutalll at my high school they treated me like that for my looks, niggas all hostile and cold and for what

I just entered secondary school and they gave up parenting for some fuck ass reason. Niggas handed us computers and I turned 12 and it was fucking over man. Lockdown, parents never fucking home, always on vacation or some shit once they get their holiday. I rlly thought my mom loved me or some shit but wants to put me on anti depressants. She sint forcing me ofc she asked me about the possibility of it but i was actually hurt deep down to the core despite her words she doesnt give a fuck about me she probably just doesnt wanna seem like a shit parent. But what the fuck man? Taking synthetic happy pill?

Dude holyyyyyy

So real

That's the worst feeling fr they do nothing for an eternity and then try some out of touch shit way too late

 

[FiendFiend]

Fucking same so relatable. I just feel like I cant fucking do shit. I have irl shit i have to do i just didnt even fucking sleep. Im gonna try my best though.

I really forgot how much i hate school man. If the bitches there dont treat me like a kang im leaving that shit man, if i dont have a friend group or make any connections im leaving it.

I just live in a fucking prison bro i live in the slums of some shithole in london, only white guy here, people stare thru u like a wall, if i even ask for directions niggas are flustered and act like u asked to put a dick in their ass. Like what the fuck man. I just give up. Never taught any social skills, 0 activities with parents after school.

I just entered secondary school and they gave up parenting for some fuck ass reason. Niggas handed us computers and I turned 12 and it was fucking over man. Lockdown, parents never fucking home, always on vacation or some shit once they get their holiday. I rlly thought my mom loved me or some shit but wants to put me on anti depressants. She sint forcing me ofc she asked me about the possibility of it but i was actually hurt deep down to the core despite her words she doesnt give a fuck about me she probably just doesnt wanna seem like a shit parent. But what the fuck man? Taking synthetic happy pill?

I need positive reinforcement but the colleges/sixth forms are always ugly as fuck modern buildings with retarded teachers who dont give a fuck like ive never seen before. U could walk out of lesson they dont give a fuck bro. Everyones just on phones 24/7 its a fucking joke. Only thing interesting is girls. Idk what the future has for me but ima just pray it isnt more of this shit. If its the same as the last time Im leaving.

Why come into school to talk to no one go on phones, learn nothing, then go home? Im pretty sure clav lived like this for some time and it drained the fuck out of him.

its fucking hilarious. I purposefully avoided vaping, doing stupid shit in school, did all the right things, good decent grades and it gave me literally fucking nothing. What was even any of that work for. Genually.

I should have vaped and fucked around, got snapchat when niggas told me to do so, instead i was with autistic niggas who played war thunder for most my school time. Genually when i was twink 100% could have lost virginity to some school whore. Being a good kid doesnt pay off at all, i was so ashamed of being the school twink i goyslopped as u know and u saw the pics.

 

[FiendFiend]

Brutalll at my high school they treated me like that for my looks, niggas all hostile and cold and for what

Dude holyyyyyy

So real

That's the worst feeling fr they do nothing for an eternity and then try some out of touch shit way too late

Nigga i dont even feel like im living fr i feel like im a drone doing meaningless tasks. If ur not tall or dominant in someway and mtn and above and ur a nice kid, your just gonna be took advantage of.

 

[Prøphet]

fucking true man. It hit me like a rock that school is starting, im lean as fuck but not 110lbs where i would look insane at, ive had months to prepare for this one moment and ive just been rotting on org and stroking my shit to bonnie blue innit.

im actually fucking fuming. You dont know anyone at a job, or wherever u go its fucking normal not to want to do it. Meanwhile americanfags that i know regardless of psl are flipping pizzas , laughing around, super good socially, saying hard r at their work and getting paid 20 an hour. Maybe if we didnt live in a global world and we didnt see the brutal mog it wouldnt be so bad.

Jfl at bonnie blue

It's not that good in America tho bro, you only see shit from the top 30%, losers are something that's universal tbh regardless of country

 

[FiendFiend]

Jfl at bonnie blue

It's not that good in America tho bro, you only see shit from the top 30%, losers are something that's universal tbh regardless of country

no doubt ur right but i feel like everyone is very decent at communicating and its instilled in them to put on fake smiles, be very yappy, especially in a state like california. If u got a friend u should visit, u turn into a completely different nigga whilst there. Bitches talk to u, guys talk to u, ive never seen so much people smile and not look thru me like im a hologram before. it may have been cuz i was the nigga from uk who was visiting but still.

 

[Prøphet]

Nigga i dont even feel like im living fr i feel like im a drone doing meaningless tasks. If ur not tall or dominant in someway and mtn and above and ur a nice kid, your just gonna be took advantage of.

its fucking hilarious. I purposefully avoided vaping, doing stupid shit in school, did all the right things, good decent grades and it gave me literally fucking nothing. What was even any of that work for. Genually.

I should have vaped and fucked around, got snapchat when niggas told me to do so, instead i was with autistic niggas who played war thunder for most my school time. Genually when i was twink 100% could have lost virginity to some school whore. Being a good kid doesnt pay off at all, i was so ashamed of being the school twink i goyslopped as u know and u saw the pics.

Bro I deadass had one of the best grades in my school, took hard classes, worked my ass off and genuinely 0% of it matters in the end. I really just dedicated myself to all of that shit to occupy myself, cuz I was too much of a loser to really do anything else with school. Also always afraid of consequences and shit. The consequences at that age are literally nothing tho, now consequences are real. The only part of school I look back on with anything except regret is smoking in the handicap stall with a nigga I was locked in with for a year, I forgot to live because I was too busy being a good example. And ofc being a truecel made me alienated

 

[FiendFiend]

Jfl at bonnie blue

It's not that good in America tho bro, you only see shit from the top 30%, losers are something that's universal tbh regardless of country

In America also you go to high school till your 18, compare it to here, u hit 16 ur sent off to choose your life path basically

 

[Prøphet]

no doubt ur right but i feel like everyone is very decent at communicating and its instilled in them to put on fake smiles, be very yappy, especially in a state like california. If u got a friend u should visit, u turn into a completely different nigga whilst there. Bitches talk to u, guys talk to u, ive never seen so much people smile and not look thru me like im a hologram before. it may have been cuz i was the nigga from uk who was visiting but still.

I'm from florida bro jflll

Yea it's true but that shit's all surface level none of it is real, it wears off quick

 

[Prøphet]

In America also you go to high school till your 18, compare it to here, u hit 16 ur sent off to choose your life path basically

16 is brutal man I still don't actually know wtf I want to do at 18 so cooked

 

[FiendFiend]

Bro I deadass had one of the best grades in my school, took hard classes, worked my ass off and genuinely 0% of it matters in the end. I really just dedicated myself to all of that shit to occupy myself, cuz I was too much of a loser to really do anything else with school. Also always afraid of consequences and shit. The consequences at that age are literally nothing tho, now consequences are real. The only part of school I look back on with anything except regret is smoking in the handicap stall with a nigga I was locked in with for a year, I forgot to live because I was too busy being a good example

last year i realized there were no such thing as consequences and my eyes opened up so i became a fat fucking ogre flipped tables and shit, threw shit around, got kicked out of classrooms. Despite me being absolutely fucking subhuman holy fuck it was like the most fun i had in a long time.

Me and my niggas would be dying making noises and shit, my friend would blast porn in class. Then the summer break hit that year in 2023 and 2 years later i havent really done shit but rot i cant lie to u, itried to go different places but it was so akward and horrible like i described.

I wish I had just not done the slopmaxxing, done the low inhib shit earlier, get meat sucked by school bop. But then again even had i done all that I am who i am i couldnt tell u honestly id be in a different situation rn or not.

 

[FiendFiend]

16 is brutal man I still don't actually know wtf I want to do at 18 so cooked

no joke, we had exams in may, i just hit 16, so i was basically 15. Imagine telling a 15 year old, yeah shits up , have fun do what the fuck u want now. A 15 yr old is gonna be like nah thank fuck school is over that shit is way too long and it sucked , i dont have to wake up early no mo. Why not just goon and game atp. And if ur alternative is literally sixth form/colleges that are even fucking worse why would u even bother?

 

[FiendFiend]

last year i realized there were no such thing as consequences and my eyes opened up so i became a fat fucking ogre flipped tables and shit, threw shit around, got kicked out of classrooms. Despite me being absolutely fucking subhuman holy fuck it was like the most fun i had in a long time.

Me and my niggas would be dying making noises and shit, my friend would blast porn in class. Then the summer break hit that year in 2023 and 2 years later i havent really done shit but rot i cant lie to u, itried to go different places but it was so akward and horrible like i described.

I wish I had just not done the slopmaxxing, done the low inhib shit earlier, get meat sucked by school bop. But then again even had i done all that I am who i am i couldnt tell u honestly id be in a different situation rn or not.

the roadman accent is literally shcool default here if u dont speak like that ur getting bullied btw. I think had I just went down that path though Id be a roadman right now or some form of a street nigga, not necessarily involved in crime but acting tuff and maybe carrying a knfie.

Literally quite bleek future in cities like london and birmingham, either be roadmen or ldar

 

[Prøphet]

last year i realized there were no such thing as consequences and my eyes opened up so i became a fat fucking ogre flipped tables and shit, threw shit around, got kicked out of classrooms. Despite me being absolutely fucking subhuman holy fuck it was like the most fun i had in a long time.

Me and my niggas would be dying making noises and shit, my friend would blast porn in class. Then the summer break hit that year in 2023 and 2 years later i havent really done shit but rot i cant lie to u, itried to go different places but it was so akward and horrible like i described.

I wish I had just not done the slopmaxxing, done the low inhib shit earlier, get meat sucked by school bop. But then again even had i done all that I am who i am i couldnt tell u honestly id be in a different situation rn or not.

I was never low inhib enough to do ts jfl but my 1st year of hs was kinda like that, I actually had friends and they did funny shit like yelling in class stealing bathroom doors and graffiti on the walls

Ofc as soon as we had to stop wearing masks I noticed the disrespect 10x toward me and I got dropped, basically went 3 years alone and hated for being genuine subhuman

Those years are so important it's crazy, like nigga think about it that shit literally effects what direction your brain will develop, it's so brutal to be a loser in high school fr

 

[Prøphet]

the roadman accent is literally shcool default here if u dont speak like that ur getting bullied btw. I think had I just went down that path though Id be a roadman right now or some form of a street nigga, not necessarily involved in crime but acting tuff and maybe carrying a knfie.

Literally quite bleek future in cities like london and birmingham, either be roadmen or ldar

Yea bro it's similar here you have to talk like you're from the hood or you're a dork

Yo do those niggas in the uk still wear nike techs in 2025 tho

 

[FiendFiend]

I was never low inhib enough to do ts jfl but my 1st year of hs was kinda like that, I actually had friends and they did funny shit like yelling in class stealing bathroom doors and graffiti on the walls

Ofc as soon as we had to stop wearing masks I noticed the disrespect 10x toward me and I got dropped, basically went 3 years alone and hated for being genuine subhuman

Those years are so important it's crazy, like nigga think about it that shit literally effects what direction your brain will develop, it's so brutal to be a loser in high school fr

fuck man brutal. Lowk i remember coming back from lockdown after gooning for 2 year like i was zac afron from that one high school movie but I had literally developed and went from like 4'9 to 5'7, grew bone, grew lips, had longer hair. I rememebr the first lesson was basketball PE and i was dunking on shitters, i remember like 2 foids asking "who is that?" in a smiling way talking about me.

Remember I fucking scored from like half way across and whore baddie on my team started like jumping towards me hugging me. When I came from lockdown it was actually fucking decent so I didnt fall off socially at all.

By all means didnt become a social butterfly but despite me not being able to get a sentence out cuz i had gooned, played minecraft, not going to touch single bit of grass for 2 years people kinda worked with me and give extra patience that they would never give to anyone ugly.

 

[FiendFiend]

Yea bro it's similar here you have to talk like you're from the hood or you're a dork

Yo do those niggas in the uk still wear nike techs in 2025 tho

Idk we had school uniform, ill tell you today i got first class in couple hours tho. The "first day" i told u about wasnt a first day it was like actually signing up for it and shit and i saw shaneeqwa who went to my old school who got my snap. I feel like she might have just been friendly but idk

 

[FiendFiend]

Yea bro it's similar here you have to talk like you're from the hood or you're a dork

Yo do those niggas in the uk still wear nike techs in 2025 tho

brutal hoodpill. White boys just seem to not get any social development and if they are sub htn or the adin ross broccoli hair types who speak in niggernese are treated like shit.

I remember niggas i played with on rust in lockdown heard me on call and called me a roadman cuz of how i spoke i was full on a thug

 

[Prøphet]

brutal hoodpill. White boys just seem to not get any social development and if they are sub htn or the adin ross broccoli hair types who speak in niggernese are treated like shit.

I remember niggas i played with on rust in lockdown heard me on call and called me a roadman cuz of how i spoke i was full on a thug

It's crazy bro if you can't fit yourself in the frat boy perm tanned niche or thugmaxx it's pretty much over

 

[Prøphet]

Idk we had school uniform, ill tell you today i got first class in couple hours tho. The "first day" i told u about wasnt a first day it was like actually signing up for it and shit and i saw shaneeqwa who went to my old school who got my snap. I feel like she might have just been friendly but idk

Damn gl bro

 

[FiendFiend]

It's crazy bro if you can't fit yourself in the frat boy perm tanned niche or thugmaxx it's pretty much over

fkin true. Non NT yt boy is death sentence, usually immigrant parents too lol

 

[SoundnVision]

500mg testosterone ethenate

 

[PrettyLights]

I want to make a big change in my life and it all starts with venting about on an obscure niche internet forum first

 

[Prøphet]

I want to make a big change in my life and it all starts with venting about on an obscure niche internet forum first

The change is surgeries

I was born with a defect in my eyes that have made me subhuman for all of my life and this is my only way out

 

[FiendFiend]

I want to make a big change in my life and it all starts with venting about on an obscure niche internet forum first

yes... it does... looks and genetics dedicate ur life so fucking much but we live in such a soy society that was built on "equality" and retarded hippie ideals , and the teachers who taught us were boomer hippies who thought the worlds problems ended when the berlin wall came down, apartheid ended, and martin luther king made his speech.

Everything the way our society has went the last 50 years has only caused people to have this utopian and u can do anything u put ur mind to mindset.

same niggas who will call u insane r the ones who will put u on ssri's for having these problems.

 

[FiendFiend]

The change is surgeries

I was born with a defect in my eyes that have made me subhuman for all of my life and this is my only way out

praying to gandy for u, pray that gandy ascends me too. May Goatis have mercy on this blasphemer.

 

[MagicalWaves]

where the FUCK ARE MY EMOJIS WTF

 

[Geoff2024]

Fucking same so relatable. I just feel like I cant fucking do shit. I have irl shit i have to do i just didnt even fucking sleep. Im gonna try my best though.

I really forgot how much i hate school man. If the bitches there dont treat me like a kang im leaving that shit man, if i dont have a friend group or make any connections im leaving it.

I just live in a fucking prison bro i live in the slums of some shithole in london, only white guy here, people stare thru u like a wall, if i even ask for directions niggas are flustered and act like u asked to put a dick in their ass. Like what the fuck man. I just give up. Never taught any social skills, 0 activities with parents after school.

I just entered secondary school and they gave up parenting for some fuck ass reason. Niggas handed us computers and I turned 12 and it was fucking over man. Lockdown, parents never fucking home, always on vacation or some shit once they get their holiday. I rlly thought my mom loved me or some shit but wants to put me on anti depressants. She sint forcing me ofc she asked me about the possibility of it but i was actually hurt deep down to the core despite her words she doesnt give a fuck about me she probably just doesnt wanna seem like a shit parent. But what the fuck man? Taking synthetic happy pill?

I need positive reinforcement but the colleges/sixth forms are always ugly as fuck modern buildings with retarded teachers who dont give a fuck like ive never seen before. U could walk out of lesson they dont give a fuck bro. Everyones just on phones 24/7 its a fucking joke. Only thing interesting is girls. Idk what the future has for me but ima just pray it isnt more of this shit. If its the same as the last time Im leaving.

Why come into school to talk to no one go on phones, learn nothing, then go home? Im pretty sure clav lived like this for some time and it drained the fuck out of him.

Bro you are tuff you will make it I believe in you

 

[keife]

I'm planning a specific hardmaxx in the coming months with support from family before I pursue trimax. I want this shit more than anything, I don't want to be subhuman anymore. But even the thought of surgery makes my throat close up and keeps me up at night. There's a good chance I'll cancel both if I keep up this fear driven mentality I've survived on for my whole life.

Surgery is scary asf to think abt

 

[small_solomon]

At first it was fine, I was a kid, nothing was important, I had all the time in the world to fix it

Then in high school I started to feel something in the back of my mind, urging me to stop being this way, slowly time was beginning to run out

But now I'm really getting into life, and every night my brain is screaming at me do something, just do something

I am wasting away my days that I will never get back too afraid to take action literally rotting doing nothing because what if

What if

To be fair that’s your own fault I used to be the same but like I realized that I only got one life to live there’s really nothing you could do about your wasted time just start today ig