optimisticzoomer
Salutations my children
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
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So basically i don’t know where to start but I just recently turned 20 im F- 20 and i’ve been with my boyfriend M-21 for a little over a year. Over the winter break we spent a lot of time together and I slept over at his house often. I said to him over text that I’m not in the mood to do anything sexual and i just don’t want to do any of that type of stuff and he agreed. When I went over to his house on the first day he started trying to touch me and initiate having it but I was visibly showing that i didn’t want to and was saying wait i’m not in the mood but he kept pushing it. He then started being agressive assuming that’s what i wanted and that or why i was denying it and we did it. I kinda just acted like it didn’t happen and it was weird afterwards.
Then again another instance happened, the next day i was in pain from the day before so i kept saying i was in pain but he kept saying please, it’s going to be fast, just take it for me, and kept trying until i just let it happen. Again it happened next day where he kept pulling down my pants while i was laying down my on my stomach on the bed. I kept pulling them back up telling him i’m not in the mood but he kept saying he just wants to touch it so i just let him. All of a sudden i feel him forcing himself inside me and putting his hand over my mouth. I was crying during it and afterwards. This time he noticed me crying afterwards and kept asking what’s wrong and was just being really oblivious to the situation which made me feel even more weird. Then it made me just cry more he kept grabbing me asking what’s wrong but i couldn’t get any words out. I told him that wasn’t right and what he did was way too much. And i was still crying. When i turned around he was laughing for a second at me crying. Afterwards he kept saying sorry and that he doesn’t want me to look at him any different. I didn’t want to believe that someone like my bf would actually do something like that so i just tried to pretend it didn’t really happen.
Then it happened again. On new year’s we went to a party and i got cross faded and really drunk. We went back to his house afterwards. I don’t remember anything really that happened that night but i woke up and there was his nut coming out of me so i instantly knew what happened. I told him you know we had sex right and he said yeah like he fully remembered it. I told him i don’t remember and said i was really drunk and he tried to back track saying he was more drunk than me and make it seem different. After all of this happening i just feel so disconnected from everything and life overall especiallly myself. I thought i could just ignore it but it’s taking a huge toll on me mentally especially since i have history of being taken advantage of which he also knows about.
This has also happened earlier in our relationship actually when i had a lot of pain down there from a infected hair follicle. He took me to the clinic and i got a prescription and medication and was in a lot of pain if your a girl and you’ve had one you know. I was also on my period. Later when we went back to his place he kept touching on me trying to do it and i kept saying i can’t because of the pain and im on my period. He kept begging and begging and touching me and moving me. Then he showed me some
that he had if you know what I mean and i never tried this before though most i’ve done is smoked some Weed. He was asking me if i wanted to try it so i was like sure and tried it, yes so dumb of me. But afterwards he started forcing himself inside me without me even realizing. It hurt so much because i was in pain i was pushing him away so much forcefully and he kept pushing himself back and telling me to take it and forced it inside which was so traumatic tbh. Even afterwards he was saying he was sorry but it was really brief and just got brushed off.
I don’t really know what to do as of now though I feel like I should break up with him but i know how attached i am i just don’t know how to go about it. He is overall a really sweet sensitive type of guy and people know him to be that was and wouldn’t think of him like this. Maybe his friends. Also he hasn’t abused me in any other ways but he does have a habit of habitually lying and not telling me things. I have a lot going on in my life right now as well and I just don’t know how to go about my thoughts right now as this adds so much more stress on top over everything. Some advice would be nice.
Also everytime he would finish inside me causing me to need to take frequent plan b’s without me even agreeing as well.
The fact that this has more shares that upvotes is concerning. I hope i’m not getting clowned
Then again another instance happened, the next day i was in pain from the day before so i kept saying i was in pain but he kept saying please, it’s going to be fast, just take it for me, and kept trying until i just let it happen. Again it happened next day where he kept pulling down my pants while i was laying down my on my stomach on the bed. I kept pulling them back up telling him i’m not in the mood but he kept saying he just wants to touch it so i just let him. All of a sudden i feel him forcing himself inside me and putting his hand over my mouth. I was crying during it and afterwards. This time he noticed me crying afterwards and kept asking what’s wrong and was just being really oblivious to the situation which made me feel even more weird. Then it made me just cry more he kept grabbing me asking what’s wrong but i couldn’t get any words out. I told him that wasn’t right and what he did was way too much. And i was still crying. When i turned around he was laughing for a second at me crying. Afterwards he kept saying sorry and that he doesn’t want me to look at him any different. I didn’t want to believe that someone like my bf would actually do something like that so i just tried to pretend it didn’t really happen.
Then it happened again. On new year’s we went to a party and i got cross faded and really drunk. We went back to his house afterwards. I don’t remember anything really that happened that night but i woke up and there was his nut coming out of me so i instantly knew what happened. I told him you know we had sex right and he said yeah like he fully remembered it. I told him i don’t remember and said i was really drunk and he tried to back track saying he was more drunk than me and make it seem different. After all of this happening i just feel so disconnected from everything and life overall especiallly myself. I thought i could just ignore it but it’s taking a huge toll on me mentally especially since i have history of being taken advantage of which he also knows about.
This has also happened earlier in our relationship actually when i had a lot of pain down there from a infected hair follicle. He took me to the clinic and i got a prescription and medication and was in a lot of pain if your a girl and you’ve had one you know. I was also on my period. Later when we went back to his place he kept touching on me trying to do it and i kept saying i can’t because of the pain and im on my period. He kept begging and begging and touching me and moving me. Then he showed me some
that he had if you know what I mean and i never tried this before though most i’ve done is smoked some Weed. He was asking me if i wanted to try it so i was like sure and tried it, yes so dumb of me. But afterwards he started forcing himself inside me without me even realizing. It hurt so much because i was in pain i was pushing him away so much forcefully and he kept pushing himself back and telling me to take it and forced it inside which was so traumatic tbh. Even afterwards he was saying he was sorry but it was really brief and just got brushed off.I don’t really know what to do as of now though I feel like I should break up with him but i know how attached i am i just don’t know how to go about it. He is overall a really sweet sensitive type of guy and people know him to be that was and wouldn’t think of him like this. Maybe his friends. Also he hasn’t abused me in any other ways but he does have a habit of habitually lying and not telling me things. I have a lot going on in my life right now as well and I just don’t know how to go about my thoughts right now as this adds so much more stress on top over everything. Some advice would be nice.
Also everytime he would finish inside me causing me to need to take frequent plan b’s without me even agreeing as well.
The fact that this has more shares that upvotes is concerning. I hope i’m not getting clowned
