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Zephir
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“The Man Who Refused to Age”
A Satirical Biohacking Tragedy
Prologue: The Beginning of the End
Gregory “Uncle” Volkov stared into the mirror, adjusting his perfectly sculpted hair system. His custom midface implants sat snug against his bone structure, his veneers gleamed with unnatural brightness, and the testosterone coursing through his veins kept his body in peak condition—despite his biological age of 106.
He smirked. “Immortality is just a matter of discipline.”
For decades, he had outwitted time itself. Where others withered and decayed, he thrived.
At 106, he was still pulling Tinder matches, still posing as a high-value 52-year-old, and still maintaining an empire built on deception, biohacks, and sheer arrogance.
Until one mistake unraveled it all.
Act I: The Golden Era (Aged 106 - The Peak)
Gregory was not just a man; he was a phenomenon.
• His testosterone levels were kept at a youthful 2000 ng/dL.
• He underwent weekly stem cell transfusions from elite Scandinavian donors.
• His blood was flushed, purified, and re-oxygenated every month.
• He was on an ultra-secret regimen of experimental drugs, each designed to “pause” cellular degradation.
Money was no issue. His companies ran themselves, his social media presence was highly curated, and his legend as the “man who never aged” grew stronger each year.
Women couldn’t resist the mystery. His Tinder bio said he was 52, and even skeptics who doubted his age were captivated by his confidence, wealth, and eerily flawless skin.
🕶 “They think I’m in my 50s. I let them think that.”
For a brief moment, it felt like he had truly won.
Act II: The Wig Scandal (Aged 107 - The First Crack)
Then it happened.
A gust of wind.
A miscalculation.
A public catastrophe.
Gregory had been leaving an exclusive social club when his wig detached mid-stride.
Click. Click. Click. The paparazzi caught it all.
HEADLINES EXPLODED:
• “The Man Who Never Aged… EXPOSED!”
• “Gregory Volkov’s Hair System Fails—What Else Is He Hiding?”
• “From Immortal to Deceiver: The Fraud Unraveled!”
His entire empire—built on the illusion of youth—crumbled overnight.
Investigations began.
His businesses saw mass withdrawals.
Journalists started digging deeper.
Suddenly, people questioned everything.
“Wait… how old IS he really?”
For the first time, he was losing control of the narrative.
Act III: The Collapse (Aged 108 - The Interpol Pursuit)
Desperate to reclaim his power, Gregory doubled down.
• He got a stronger, more secure wig.
• He dyed his skin darker to “reset” public perception.
• He underwent another facelift to tighten the damage from stress-induced aging.
• He increased his testosterone dosage to absurd levels, pushing his body beyond its natural limits.
“I just need one more reinvention.”
But it was too late.
The IRS launched an audit.
Interpol flagged him for financial crimes.
His offshore accounts were frozen.
For the first time in nearly a century, he was running out of money.
Gregory did what any high-value individual would do.
He embezzled what funds he had left, faked a new identity, and fled the country
Act IV: The 9-to-5 Nightmare (Aged 110 - Forced into the Ordinary Life)
With Interpol tracking his every move, Gregory laid low.
• He applied for a fake office job under the name “Greg Jensen.”
• He worked as an office clerk, sorting documents for a corporate department store.
• His coworkers saw him as “weird but harmless”—a man who spoke too formally and wore sunglasses indoors.
This was his lowest point.
Until he tried to rizz up a 29-year-old coworker and got instantly reported to HR.
He was fired the same day.
With no money, no job, and no escape, his mind began to break.
He started ranting in the streets about biohacking and immortality.
The cops were called.
He was forcibly institutionalized.
Act V: The Asylum Arc (Aged 113 - The Rapid Decline)
In the mental institution, Gregory was just another old man in a wheelchair.
• No more stem cells.
• No more testosterone.
• No more youth.
• His body collapsed under decades of artificial enhancement.
Dementia took 60% of his mind.
His arteries were 90% calcified.
He no longer recognized himself in the mirror.
When Interpol finally caught up to him, they kept him alive just long enough to interrogate him.
“Where is the money?”
“How did you fake your age for so long?”
🕶 “Who helped you disappear?”
But he was too far gone.
“I… I was young once. I fought a lion, you know.”
They realized they had waited too long. The most wanted fraud in the world had already lost his mind.
Act VI: The Final Exit (Aged 114 - The Euthanasia Request)
As his organs began failing, Gregory made one last request.
A high-dose opioid cocktail to enjoy one last euphoric moment.
Euthanasia to end it on his terms.
The doctors granted it.
As he drifted off, his mind created one last illusion.
• He wasn’t dying in a hospital.
• He was back in his prime, stepping out of a luxury car.
• Cameras flashed, women admired him, and the world chanted his name.
“THE MAN WHO NEVER AGED!”
With a final smirk, he exhaled.
🕶 “They said I couldn’t live forever… but I’ll never die in their memories.”
Flatline.
Epilogue: The Legend, The Myth, The Madness
@Xangsane
Some say he was a fraud.
Some say he was a genius.
Some say he never truly died.
The truth? It doesn’t matter.
Because he got to choose the ending.
🕶 “I may be gone, but I won’t be forgotten.”
THE END.
A Satirical Biohacking Tragedy
Prologue: The Beginning of the End
Gregory “Uncle” Volkov stared into the mirror, adjusting his perfectly sculpted hair system. His custom midface implants sat snug against his bone structure, his veneers gleamed with unnatural brightness, and the testosterone coursing through his veins kept his body in peak condition—despite his biological age of 106.
He smirked. “Immortality is just a matter of discipline.”
For decades, he had outwitted time itself. Where others withered and decayed, he thrived.
At 106, he was still pulling Tinder matches, still posing as a high-value 52-year-old, and still maintaining an empire built on deception, biohacks, and sheer arrogance.
Until one mistake unraveled it all.
Act I: The Golden Era (Aged 106 - The Peak)
Gregory was not just a man; he was a phenomenon.
• His testosterone levels were kept at a youthful 2000 ng/dL.
• He underwent weekly stem cell transfusions from elite Scandinavian donors.
• His blood was flushed, purified, and re-oxygenated every month.
• He was on an ultra-secret regimen of experimental drugs, each designed to “pause” cellular degradation.
Money was no issue. His companies ran themselves, his social media presence was highly curated, and his legend as the “man who never aged” grew stronger each year. Women couldn’t resist the mystery. His Tinder bio said he was 52, and even skeptics who doubted his age were captivated by his confidence, wealth, and eerily flawless skin.🕶 “They think I’m in my 50s. I let them think that.”
For a brief moment, it felt like he had truly won.
Act II: The Wig Scandal (Aged 107 - The First Crack)
Then it happened.
A gust of wind.
A miscalculation.
A public catastrophe.
Gregory had been leaving an exclusive social club when his wig detached mid-stride.
Click. Click. Click. The paparazzi caught it all.
HEADLINES EXPLODED:• “The Man Who Never Aged… EXPOSED!”
• “Gregory Volkov’s Hair System Fails—What Else Is He Hiding?”
• “From Immortal to Deceiver: The Fraud Unraveled!”
His entire empire—built on the illusion of youth—crumbled overnight.
Investigations began. His businesses saw mass withdrawals. Journalists started digging deeper.Suddenly, people questioned everything.
“Wait… how old IS he really?”
For the first time, he was losing control of the narrative.
Act III: The Collapse (Aged 108 - The Interpol Pursuit)
Desperate to reclaim his power, Gregory doubled down.
• He got a stronger, more secure wig.
• He dyed his skin darker to “reset” public perception.
• He underwent another facelift to tighten the damage from stress-induced aging.
• He increased his testosterone dosage to absurd levels, pushing his body beyond its natural limits.
“I just need one more reinvention.”But it was too late.
The IRS launched an audit. Interpol flagged him for financial crimes. His offshore accounts were frozen. For the first time in nearly a century, he was running out of money.Gregory did what any high-value individual would do.
He embezzled what funds he had left, faked a new identity, and fled the countryAct IV: The 9-to-5 Nightmare (Aged 110 - Forced into the Ordinary Life)
With Interpol tracking his every move, Gregory laid low.
• He applied for a fake office job under the name “Greg Jensen.”
• He worked as an office clerk, sorting documents for a corporate department store.
• His coworkers saw him as “weird but harmless”—a man who spoke too formally and wore sunglasses indoors.
This was his lowest point.Until he tried to rizz up a 29-year-old coworker and got instantly reported to HR.
He was fired the same day. With no money, no job, and no escape, his mind began to break. He started ranting in the streets about biohacking and immortality. The cops were called. He was forcibly institutionalized.Act V: The Asylum Arc (Aged 113 - The Rapid Decline)
In the mental institution, Gregory was just another old man in a wheelchair.
• No more stem cells.
• No more testosterone.
• No more youth.
• His body collapsed under decades of artificial enhancement.
Dementia took 60% of his mind. His arteries were 90% calcified. He no longer recognized himself in the mirror.When Interpol finally caught up to him, they kept him alive just long enough to interrogate him.
“Where is the money?” “How did you fake your age for so long?”🕶 “Who helped you disappear?”
But he was too far gone.
“I… I was young once. I fought a lion, you know.”They realized they had waited too long. The most wanted fraud in the world had already lost his mind.
Act VI: The Final Exit (Aged 114 - The Euthanasia Request)
As his organs began failing, Gregory made one last request.
A high-dose opioid cocktail to enjoy one last euphoric moment. Euthanasia to end it on his terms.The doctors granted it.
As he drifted off, his mind created one last illusion.• He wasn’t dying in a hospital.
• He was back in his prime, stepping out of a luxury car.
• Cameras flashed, women admired him, and the world chanted his name.
“THE MAN WHO NEVER AGED!”With a final smirk, he exhaled.
🕶 “They said I couldn’t live forever… but I’ll never die in their memories.”
Flatline.Epilogue: The Legend, The Myth, The Madness
@Xangsane
Some say he was a fraud. Some say he was a genius. Some say he never truly died.The truth? It doesn’t matter.
Because he got to choose the ending.
🕶 “I may be gone, but I won’t be forgotten.”
THE END.
