BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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"Jim, you're finally home."
Birdie appeared out of the bedroom, standing inside the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest. She wore her usual baggy jeans and a heavy red winter coat. I looked at my Apple product placement watch, only noticing now it was after midnight. I'm not surprised she's upset since I told her I'd be home yesterday.
Shiet, nigga, this playa does whatever the fuck he wants! But I knew I had to start manhandling her soon, or she'll think she could manhandle me. And I can't have that, son. Soon, I kept telling myself, soon I'll have that hoe calling me sir. "Sorry, I got caught up at work, honey bunny." I simped.
"You don't work, you fucking bum. But I have SOMETHING ELSE to tell you." Her face radiated a smile as she bounced like a rabbit around me. "Come, come, sit down."
I followed her to my basement, I mean, our bedroom. She patted the bed, where I jumped into a seat next to her; autism's still strong with me. Birdie kept suspiciously smiling, which made me quickly check my back pocket for my wallet. Ugh. Still there. She's a hot piece of ass. Black silky hair packed under a hair net, her solid black glossy eyes resembling two miniature eight balls. I can't remember when I met her, but I play it off yearly and wait for her to bring up the anniversary announcement.
"Jim, I'm preggy."
She's what the fuck?
Damn. This hoe is kray-kray. One day she thinks she's black. Next, she thinks she's a human. "Birdie, whatever floats your boat. If you want me to call you Fuckhole Dummy, I'll call you Fuckhole Dummy."
"What is wrong with you? I'm pregnant, you big foolish muscular brute," she said while scanning my throw pillow pecs.
Each word was like air going through my ears. Then, suddenly, my pervasive developmental disorder shut down. Jerking my head back, my brain bubbled with disturbance, and I blurted out the first words that came to mind. "I haven't fucked your vagina in weeks. Since that heavy disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself, bloody period!"
"I know. That's why I've walked funny ever since. You know the route we're headed. I'll be in diapers before this is squirted out." She said while rubbing her belly.
I began to lose consciousness, my panic urge telling me to grab the keys to my car and run out the house- she interrupted.
"My car."
"Uh?"
"Those are my keys to my car. You don't own a car. I'm just correcting your pondering."
"Ugh." I knew I had to distance myself from this ender's game quickly. Every scenario fondled my ganglia, but it didn't make any sense. In weeks, I haven't packed my big penis inside her vagina, let alone spurt my parasites inside her birth canal. This must be a mistake.
Her attitude changed into a disruption. As if of guilt. Her smile disappeared, her face turned goose-bumped, and those hideous thick Bane veins on her forehead were ready to burst at-.
"Enough!" Interrupted my inside thoughts again. She continued. "It's actually a funny story. Please don't be mad." She stood and folded her arms. I prepared myself, knowing my parasites did not assault her vagina egg. "Two weeks ago, after you came in my asshole, I ran to the bathroom clenching my ass cheeks-"
"I don't remember," cutting her off in dialog, I assured her as I began losing interest in this tedious ear-stabbing conversation.
"How could you? After you got off, you jumped out of bed and got on your gaming console like you always do. You're a real fantasy, Mr. Romeo." Sarcastically, she abashed my dedication. "Anyway! I ran to the toilet and had a readied funnel on the floor behind it. I then placed it against my butt and released your cum while blocking the opposite end with my thumb. Finally, I proceeded to the bathtub, climbed inside, laid on the floor, opened my legs, and inserted the cum funnel inside my vagina and preggo!"
"We're having a shit-baby?"
"I rather see it as adding a new asshole to our family."
"You're sick and disturbed. I'm filing charges against you for indecent handling of my parasites."
"No, Jim! Once you release your semen, whether, inside my vagina, asshole, or mouth, it's mine! And I can do whatever the fuck I want with it! So kiss this!" She turned her back to me and grabbed her butt cheeks. I seized her waist and pulled her into me. "What are you doing?" She asked as I began pulling her jeans down. "Are you serious?" She yanked away, saying, "We're having a major discussion about having a baby, and you want to eat my ass?" Animosity clings to her words.
"Ugh. Anytime is a good time for me. Chaka chaka boom boom."
She stood speechless. Lost in thought. "Oh, no."
"Oh, no, what?"
"You really are retarded, uh?" Dispair consumed the empty shell cinched to her neck she calls her head. "I don't think bringing another retard into this world will be right."
"Tough shit. We banned abortions. Welcome to the new world, bay be."
"No, there are still states that allow abortions. So I'll just have to drive longer than usual."
"Then do what you gotta do."
"Better yet, Jim. I'll have this little asshole and make you pay every month for him. Then I'll hook up with a gang banger with a bigger dick than yours."
"Him? How do you know it's a boy?"
"Doesn't matter, Jimbo! If it's a girl, I'll transgend her into a boy. So either way, it will be a boy. And he'll be raised by a B-52."
"A bingo wait?"
"Oh, wow. You don't even know anything about bingo. There are 15 numbers under each letter. So no! There is no such thing as B-52! But there is a notorious gang from the rough back alleys of Canada called the B-52s."
"Fine!"
"Don't worry. You'll be a good daddy. But, until then," she stepped back to me and turned around while pulling her pants down. She's known not to wear underwear, so it was a naked butt with an Amazon bush flourishing out. "You can now eat me."
"Time for some Love Shack."
Birdie appeared out of the bedroom, standing inside the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest. She wore her usual baggy jeans and a heavy red winter coat. I looked at my Apple product placement watch, only noticing now it was after midnight. I'm not surprised she's upset since I told her I'd be home yesterday.
Shiet, nigga, this playa does whatever the fuck he wants! But I knew I had to start manhandling her soon, or she'll think she could manhandle me. And I can't have that, son. Soon, I kept telling myself, soon I'll have that hoe calling me sir. "Sorry, I got caught up at work, honey bunny." I simped.
"You don't work, you fucking bum. But I have SOMETHING ELSE to tell you." Her face radiated a smile as she bounced like a rabbit around me. "Come, come, sit down."
I followed her to my basement, I mean, our bedroom. She patted the bed, where I jumped into a seat next to her; autism's still strong with me. Birdie kept suspiciously smiling, which made me quickly check my back pocket for my wallet. Ugh. Still there. She's a hot piece of ass. Black silky hair packed under a hair net, her solid black glossy eyes resembling two miniature eight balls. I can't remember when I met her, but I play it off yearly and wait for her to bring up the anniversary announcement.
"Jim, I'm preggy."
She's what the fuck?
Damn. This hoe is kray-kray. One day she thinks she's black. Next, she thinks she's a human. "Birdie, whatever floats your boat. If you want me to call you Fuckhole Dummy, I'll call you Fuckhole Dummy."
"What is wrong with you? I'm pregnant, you big foolish muscular brute," she said while scanning my throw pillow pecs.
Each word was like air going through my ears. Then, suddenly, my pervasive developmental disorder shut down. Jerking my head back, my brain bubbled with disturbance, and I blurted out the first words that came to mind. "I haven't fucked your vagina in weeks. Since that heavy disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself, bloody period!"
"I know. That's why I've walked funny ever since. You know the route we're headed. I'll be in diapers before this is squirted out." She said while rubbing her belly.
I began to lose consciousness, my panic urge telling me to grab the keys to my car and run out the house- she interrupted.
"My car."
"Uh?"
"Those are my keys to my car. You don't own a car. I'm just correcting your pondering."
"Ugh." I knew I had to distance myself from this ender's game quickly. Every scenario fondled my ganglia, but it didn't make any sense. In weeks, I haven't packed my big penis inside her vagina, let alone spurt my parasites inside her birth canal. This must be a mistake.
Her attitude changed into a disruption. As if of guilt. Her smile disappeared, her face turned goose-bumped, and those hideous thick Bane veins on her forehead were ready to burst at-.
"Enough!" Interrupted my inside thoughts again. She continued. "It's actually a funny story. Please don't be mad." She stood and folded her arms. I prepared myself, knowing my parasites did not assault her vagina egg. "Two weeks ago, after you came in my asshole, I ran to the bathroom clenching my ass cheeks-"
"I don't remember," cutting her off in dialog, I assured her as I began losing interest in this tedious ear-stabbing conversation.
"How could you? After you got off, you jumped out of bed and got on your gaming console like you always do. You're a real fantasy, Mr. Romeo." Sarcastically, she abashed my dedication. "Anyway! I ran to the toilet and had a readied funnel on the floor behind it. I then placed it against my butt and released your cum while blocking the opposite end with my thumb. Finally, I proceeded to the bathtub, climbed inside, laid on the floor, opened my legs, and inserted the cum funnel inside my vagina and preggo!"
"We're having a shit-baby?"
"I rather see it as adding a new asshole to our family."
"You're sick and disturbed. I'm filing charges against you for indecent handling of my parasites."
"No, Jim! Once you release your semen, whether, inside my vagina, asshole, or mouth, it's mine! And I can do whatever the fuck I want with it! So kiss this!" She turned her back to me and grabbed her butt cheeks. I seized her waist and pulled her into me. "What are you doing?" She asked as I began pulling her jeans down. "Are you serious?" She yanked away, saying, "We're having a major discussion about having a baby, and you want to eat my ass?" Animosity clings to her words.
"Ugh. Anytime is a good time for me. Chaka chaka boom boom."
She stood speechless. Lost in thought. "Oh, no."
"Oh, no, what?"
"You really are retarded, uh?" Dispair consumed the empty shell cinched to her neck she calls her head. "I don't think bringing another retard into this world will be right."
"Tough shit. We banned abortions. Welcome to the new world, bay be."
"No, there are still states that allow abortions. So I'll just have to drive longer than usual."
"Then do what you gotta do."
"Better yet, Jim. I'll have this little asshole and make you pay every month for him. Then I'll hook up with a gang banger with a bigger dick than yours."
"Him? How do you know it's a boy?"
"Doesn't matter, Jimbo! If it's a girl, I'll transgend her into a boy. So either way, it will be a boy. And he'll be raised by a B-52."
"A bingo wait?"
"Oh, wow. You don't even know anything about bingo. There are 15 numbers under each letter. So no! There is no such thing as B-52! But there is a notorious gang from the rough back alleys of Canada called the B-52s."
"Fine!"
"Don't worry. You'll be a good daddy. But, until then," she stepped back to me and turned around while pulling her pants down. She's known not to wear underwear, so it was a naked butt with an Amazon bush flourishing out. "You can now eat me."
"Time for some Love Shack."
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