Nesstor
Iron
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2022
- Posts
- 72
- Reputation
- 89
I realized that I have grown old and my life will only get worse.
Once at the age of 14, a couple of months before my 15th birthday, I got to this site, it was in the spring of 2014.
Now I am 22, but in the summer I will turn 23.
At the age of 14, it seemed to me that everything was ahead of me, that I would gradually move forward and achieve everything I wanted, I thought that all roads were open to me.
Years passed, I kind of worked, studied, but as I was at the bottom, I remained. Moreover, I began to feel worse at the physiological level, I no longer get that pleasure from life as before.
I no longer enjoy books, games, series, movies. Previously, at the age of 14-19, I had a great interest in learning about the world around me, I read scientific literature, as well as fiction, as well as journalism.
At the age of 14-19, I was able to fall in love, to feel in love. And now I'm no longer capable of love.
At the age of 14-19, I was able to sit down at the computer and play computer games for 8-10 hours, getting great pleasure from the process, and now after 2 hours of playing I feel tired, empty and even have a headache.
It feels like yesterday was the summer of 2017 when I passed the exam, when I turned 18 and when I entered the university. And then the time flew by like a moment. Now I see that 18-year-old girls began to reject me because of the age difference, although it feels like yesterday I myself was 18. But the truth is that after 18 time fly faster, I did not even feel and remember how I lived several years of my life.
At the age of 18-19, I ran well, I could easily pass the physical standards of the Russian army. And now I feel like an old wreck, my bones and joints hurt, and I feel weak during physical activity. I caught physical weakness after I had coronavirus in 2020 and have not recovered since. Moreover, after the coronavirus, I even became stupid, it’s harder for me to solve any intellectual problems, to flexibly find ways out of different situations, it’s like I become a stupid douchebag that rushes ahead instead of building a schematic plan to get out of any situation.
The 4th year of the university was much more difficult for me than the first, primarily because it became much more difficult to master and memorize any new information.
My life at the current age exists only thanks to what I got in the period of 14-20 years.
And after 20, there seems to be stagnation in development, then a gradual fall down.
This means that it will only get worse.
I will even say more, earlier at the age of 14-20, many girls said that I was cute and handsome, I could easily beat off even a beautiful girl from another guy. And now they tell me that I'm scary and ugly and often even the middle and ugly girls rejecting me. This is despite the fact that I do not drink and do not smoke. Why did I write all this? And to the fact that falling to the bottom is inevitable. Even if you develop yourself, adhere to good nutrition, lead a healthy lifestyle, etc., degradation is still inevitable.
My intellect is fucked, my appearance is fucked, my psyche is fucked, my physical strength and physical health are fucked too.
Thinking has become irrational, confused and chaotic rather than orderly and logical.
Waking up every day, I don’t know why I live, I just do it out of habit, living with old memories of how I once was and what my life was like, my consciousness from old memory thinks that I’m still the same, and I’m completely not the same, I'm already much worse, older and decrepit. There is nothing left of me. All the best is left behind. All the worst is yet to come.
Once at the age of 14, a couple of months before my 15th birthday, I got to this site, it was in the spring of 2014.
Now I am 22, but in the summer I will turn 23.
At the age of 14, it seemed to me that everything was ahead of me, that I would gradually move forward and achieve everything I wanted, I thought that all roads were open to me.
Years passed, I kind of worked, studied, but as I was at the bottom, I remained. Moreover, I began to feel worse at the physiological level, I no longer get that pleasure from life as before.
I no longer enjoy books, games, series, movies. Previously, at the age of 14-19, I had a great interest in learning about the world around me, I read scientific literature, as well as fiction, as well as journalism.
At the age of 14-19, I was able to fall in love, to feel in love. And now I'm no longer capable of love.
At the age of 14-19, I was able to sit down at the computer and play computer games for 8-10 hours, getting great pleasure from the process, and now after 2 hours of playing I feel tired, empty and even have a headache.
It feels like yesterday was the summer of 2017 when I passed the exam, when I turned 18 and when I entered the university. And then the time flew by like a moment. Now I see that 18-year-old girls began to reject me because of the age difference, although it feels like yesterday I myself was 18. But the truth is that after 18 time fly faster, I did not even feel and remember how I lived several years of my life.
At the age of 18-19, I ran well, I could easily pass the physical standards of the Russian army. And now I feel like an old wreck, my bones and joints hurt, and I feel weak during physical activity. I caught physical weakness after I had coronavirus in 2020 and have not recovered since. Moreover, after the coronavirus, I even became stupid, it’s harder for me to solve any intellectual problems, to flexibly find ways out of different situations, it’s like I become a stupid douchebag that rushes ahead instead of building a schematic plan to get out of any situation.
The 4th year of the university was much more difficult for me than the first, primarily because it became much more difficult to master and memorize any new information.
My life at the current age exists only thanks to what I got in the period of 14-20 years.
And after 20, there seems to be stagnation in development, then a gradual fall down.
This means that it will only get worse.
I will even say more, earlier at the age of 14-20, many girls said that I was cute and handsome, I could easily beat off even a beautiful girl from another guy. And now they tell me that I'm scary and ugly and often even the middle and ugly girls rejecting me. This is despite the fact that I do not drink and do not smoke. Why did I write all this? And to the fact that falling to the bottom is inevitable. Even if you develop yourself, adhere to good nutrition, lead a healthy lifestyle, etc., degradation is still inevitable.
My intellect is fucked, my appearance is fucked, my psyche is fucked, my physical strength and physical health are fucked too.
Thinking has become irrational, confused and chaotic rather than orderly and logical.
Waking up every day, I don’t know why I live, I just do it out of habit, living with old memories of how I once was and what my life was like, my consciousness from old memory thinks that I’m still the same, and I’m completely not the same, I'm already much worse, older and decrepit. There is nothing left of me. All the best is left behind. All the worst is yet to come.
