can you fix attachment issues

[buddyboyos]

and more specifically avoidant attachment

this shit is fucking up any chance i have of getting into a relationship, i seriously lose interest within like 1-2 weeks of talking
the other problem is as soon as i end things with them, or vice versa, i immediately gain interest and want their attention again
ts directly reflects in my childhood, ive been struggling with this forever and idk if there's any way to fix it

 

[buddyboyos]

bump

 

[buddyboyos]

0

 

[dontdonikotine]

yes you can but it takes a while

 

[buddyboyos]

yes you can but it takes a while

alr nigga how

 

[FutureSlayer]

Opposite for me, I really like talking to girls for very long periods, but it's probably because I am an abused dog or something that has no irl friends and has to resort to that

 

[buddyboyos]

Opposite for me, I really like talking to girls for very long periods, but it's probably because I am an abused dog or something that has no irl friends and has to resort to that

i dont mind if it's in a friendly way, i just feel the need to distance myself immediately as soon as they show me too much affection/attention
i'm like this because of my childhood, i received inconsistent affection whilst growing up, therefore im not really used to it relationship-wise
i'm the same w irl friends tho lol lucky to have one atleast

 

[dontdonikotine]

4 context, i used 2 be like extremely avoidant, as in like deadass i would cut people off and suddenly gain interest after. the way I fixed mine to a degree was;
1 - I linked all my behaviour back to my childhood to understand myself and my line of thinking. if you understand why you're doing this bullshit you're closer to stopping it.
2 - you have to realize that "your people" are thinly spread. you're not going to turn up to a social group and have all of them like you, and further, you have to get it in your head you can only ever truly find out if they're a good friend / lover if you actually get to know them. the second part is the harder part because its straight up easier to cut people off if they don't immediately click with you.
3 - kind of backwards , but I cut off any1 who had been bothering me or had done me dirty in the past. they also kind of contributed to my behaviour
4 - i literally just went into hella social circles and shit. tried making new friends. you tealize a LOT of normies are fucking assholes, or their secure attachment means they'll treat your distrust of strangers as hostile. it's not hostile, it's just what you're used to. but once you geniunely start joining a bunch of social circles, online AND offline, you kind of realize that the majority of people are all shitty but most of them you can tolerate.

5 - if you go back to dating , use your avoidant as a filter while you work on it. seriously, whatever you do , if you tell someone you're avoidant , do not date an anxious. it'll just make you worse

 

[buddyboyos]

4 context, i used 2 be like extremely avoidant, as in like deadass i would cut people off and suddenly gain interest after. the way I fixed mine to a degree was;
1 - I linked all my behaviour back to my childhood to understand myself and my line of thinking. if you understand why you're doing this bullshit you're closer to stopping it.
2 - you have to realize that "your people" are thinly spread. you're not going to turn up to a social group and have all of them like you, and further, you have to get it in your head you can only ever truly find out if they're a good friend / lover if you actually get to know them. the second part is the harder part because its straight up easier to cut people off if they don't immediately click with you.
3 - kind of backwards , but I cut off any1 who had been bothering me or had done me dirty in the past. they also kind of contributed to my behaviour
4 - i literally just went into hella social circles and shit. tried making new friends. you tealize a LOT of normies are fucking assholes, or their secure attachment means they'll treat your distrust of strangers as hostile. it's not hostile, it's just what you're used to. but once you geniunely start joining a bunch of social circles, online AND offline, you kind of realize that the majority of people are all shitty but most of them you can tolerate.

5 - if you go back to dating , use your avoidant as a filter while you work on it. seriously, whatever you do , if you tell someone you're avoidant , do not date an anxious. it'll just make you worse

thank you sm, i was looking for a reply like this
i'm trying to be open w people im talking to romantically nowadays, whereas before i wouldn't say anything and just distance myself from them w out giving them any notice
this means a lot to me, i really appreciate it

 

[dontdonikotine]

no worries it takes a lot of courage 2 realize ur avoidance is hurting others and work on it . Good luck !