S
segmt
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2024
- Posts
- 82
- Reputation
- 79
Seriously, like I am grateful for all the stuff he's done for me. But idk if it's bc he was constantly flamed by my mom while I was growing up or anything. He literally acts autistic and probably has adhd. He's severely nd for sure, and when I asked him about it he said I wasn't ND and to not worry about it. He's really fucking nd like its so obvious everywhere and he fucking told me that.
I do feel grateful but at the same time I cant "love him" or anything wtv like people say they love their parents. Espc after finding shit here like 3-4 yrs ago. With the lack of emotions I see myself in him in the form of shitty genetics. Ugly as shit, neurodiverse (not officialy autistic tho), not even fucking tall and married my mom who is also short asf but looks really good, has severe balding genes, genetic posture issues that he had since childhood, Deformed shoulders that pop out on the right side which I slightly inherited along with the shit posture from genetics (Leg length discrepancy), shit athleticism, crooked nose (genetic), sleep apnea and breathing issues (genetic).
I don't know but personally I see him and think if I was him i wouldve roped and not had a son. The world had to be rly different
On top of that my mom constantly shit talks my dad and says shit like, he's boring, he's (autistic) not able to socialize, doesn't talk, doesn't have common sense, is always slow, looks deformed, monkey nose, and always tells me about how she regrets the marriage.
Though I am grateful that she doesn't talk about divorces solely because she cares abt me.
And recently I also found out through my mom, that at the time of marriage my dad was also poor as fuck, poorer than my mom. How the fuck does this happen? This kind of disproves blackpill (but bp is more relevant today than the times when they met), bc everything abt my dad says shit genetics and shit quality, jfl at my mom thinking he's tall at 5'8, and autism. How does my mom not find out that he's neurodiverse until after they marry?
I inherited his fucking neurodiversity and lack of impulse control, now I turned out as a fucking shitshow and genetic failure. Having anger issues at home and raging nd breaking shit sometimes, thats a fucking cuck thing to do and I can't control it at all. The extent to which genetics determines every fucking aspect of your life is huge, and genetics I believe controls your perception as well. The world is too deterministic.
yeah and I'm not even that smart as well, being smart would be useful if you were really smart but I'm not at that level at all. I'm not rly good at anything in particular as well, atp idk, every time I see my dad I get filled with conflicting emotions with one from the world constantly telling me that I have to love my parents bc I am grateful and the other being self-loathing and hating his ass for his shitty genetics and autistic tendencies to the point where I couldn't tell if he liked me or anything at all.
Just imagine my mom found some neurotypical dad at least, that looks a little bit better. What life would I have been leading now? How the fuck would I feel in my everyday life? I can't even begin to imagine, bc the way I perceive the world seems to be so fucking different from everyone else, and I probably wouldn't have found the blackpill had I been neurotypical and grew up normally with normal emotions and normal self-esteem. Instead I was always fucking insecure from childhood, from birth, and it seems that will last throughout my whole life no matter what. The starting values of everyone are predetermined so much, and I don't even enjoy shit anymore besides when I meet with friends.
It's sad you cant fucking reroll life, its not even about solely looks anymore for me, its about your genetics allowing you to feel fucking happy and content with your life.
I do feel grateful but at the same time I cant "love him" or anything wtv like people say they love their parents. Espc after finding shit here like 3-4 yrs ago. With the lack of emotions I see myself in him in the form of shitty genetics. Ugly as shit, neurodiverse (not officialy autistic tho), not even fucking tall and married my mom who is also short asf but looks really good, has severe balding genes, genetic posture issues that he had since childhood, Deformed shoulders that pop out on the right side which I slightly inherited along with the shit posture from genetics (Leg length discrepancy), shit athleticism, crooked nose (genetic), sleep apnea and breathing issues (genetic).
I don't know but personally I see him and think if I was him i wouldve roped and not had a son. The world had to be rly different
On top of that my mom constantly shit talks my dad and says shit like, he's boring, he's (autistic) not able to socialize, doesn't talk, doesn't have common sense, is always slow, looks deformed, monkey nose, and always tells me about how she regrets the marriage.
Though I am grateful that she doesn't talk about divorces solely because she cares abt me.
And recently I also found out through my mom, that at the time of marriage my dad was also poor as fuck, poorer than my mom. How the fuck does this happen? This kind of disproves blackpill (but bp is more relevant today than the times when they met), bc everything abt my dad says shit genetics and shit quality, jfl at my mom thinking he's tall at 5'8, and autism. How does my mom not find out that he's neurodiverse until after they marry?
I inherited his fucking neurodiversity and lack of impulse control, now I turned out as a fucking shitshow and genetic failure. Having anger issues at home and raging nd breaking shit sometimes, thats a fucking cuck thing to do and I can't control it at all. The extent to which genetics determines every fucking aspect of your life is huge, and genetics I believe controls your perception as well. The world is too deterministic.
yeah and I'm not even that smart as well, being smart would be useful if you were really smart but I'm not at that level at all. I'm not rly good at anything in particular as well, atp idk, every time I see my dad I get filled with conflicting emotions with one from the world constantly telling me that I have to love my parents bc I am grateful and the other being self-loathing and hating his ass for his shitty genetics and autistic tendencies to the point where I couldn't tell if he liked me or anything at all.
Just imagine my mom found some neurotypical dad at least, that looks a little bit better. What life would I have been leading now? How the fuck would I feel in my everyday life? I can't even begin to imagine, bc the way I perceive the world seems to be so fucking different from everyone else, and I probably wouldn't have found the blackpill had I been neurotypical and grew up normally with normal emotions and normal self-esteem. Instead I was always fucking insecure from childhood, from birth, and it seems that will last throughout my whole life no matter what. The starting values of everyone are predetermined so much, and I don't even enjoy shit anymore besides when I meet with friends.
It's sad you cant fucking reroll life, its not even about solely looks anymore for me, its about your genetics allowing you to feel fucking happy and content with your life.
)
