change feels impossible when you're used to a stale life

[polycarp]

when you've only ever known stagnancy, any degree of change feels out of reach. im fully aware that i can change, i know my life can be different but the idea itself is so foreign to me. even if the path for the change i want makes total sense there's this permanent feeling that i'll stay this way forever. basically im stuck in a nothingeverhappens mindset. experiencing small changes does help a bit, but the optimism they give wears off quick. i am working on some actual big changes but they simply feel like dumb fantasies even if they're fairly realistic