Changmentum
Chang In Training
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Absolutely. Here’s a funny satirical piece about the TikTok phenomenon Clavicular, the looksmaxing oracle of Gen Z:
Clavicular: The Man Who Could Ratio You by Eyeballing Your Gonial Angle
If Socrates was reborn in the age of TikTok and handed a digital caliper instead of hemlock, his name would be Clavicular.
Armed with cheekbone projections, powerpoints on midface recession, and the thousand-yard stare of someone who’s analyzed 600 selfies before 9 a.m., Clavicular isn’t just a person—he’s a phenomenon.
Let’s be honest. You weren’t insecure about your ramus length, canthal tilt, or mandibular gonial symmetry—until Clavicular showed up on your For You Page explaining why your face isn’t just mid… it’s structurally mid.
A Glimpse Into a Day in the Life of Clavicular:
8:00 AM – Looks in the mirror for 17 seconds, nods approvingly.
“He saved my life. I went from blackpill to Dermaroll-pilled.”
“He’s like if GigaChad had a master’s degree in forensic facial structure.”
“Honestly, he told me I was a 5.7/10 and that’s the most validation I’ve ever received”
Haters Say:
“He’s just bullying people with Greek geometry.”
“Bro thinks he’s Plato with a jawline.”
“This is why I keep my face ratio private.”
In Conclusion
Clavicular isn’t your average TikToker. He’s a medieval skull measurer reborn in a modern fit, a man who could probably reconstruct your evolutionary history from a blurry Instagram selfie. Whether you think he’s a genius or just a benevolent villain with soft lighting, one thing’s for sure:
You’ll never look at your jaw the same way again.
Clavicular: The Man Who Could Ratio You by Eyeballing Your Gonial Angle
If Socrates was reborn in the age of TikTok and handed a digital caliper instead of hemlock, his name would be Clavicular.
Armed with cheekbone projections, powerpoints on midface recession, and the thousand-yard stare of someone who’s analyzed 600 selfies before 9 a.m., Clavicular isn’t just a person—he’s a phenomenon.
Let’s be honest. You weren’t insecure about your ramus length, canthal tilt, or mandibular gonial symmetry—until Clavicular showed up on your For You Page explaining why your face isn’t just mid… it’s structurally mid.
A Glimpse Into a Day in the Life of Clavicular:
8:00 AM – Looks in the mirror for 17 seconds, nods approvingly.
- 8:01 AM – Posts a TikTok rating random guys’ faces like a Renaissance phrenologist with a soft-spoken voice and jawline envy in the comment section.
- 9:00 AM – Receives 128 DMs asking, “Hey bro, be honest… am I maxilla-deficient?”
- 12:00 PM – Duets a thirst trap with: “Very poor zygomatic development. Also chin pad fat is prominent.”
- 3:00 PM – Declares someone a 4.5/10 because their orbital vector is too positive. No one knows what that means but it feels devastating.
- 5:00 PM – Leaves a voice note in a group chat saying, “Bro, you’re legit handsome in motion—it’s just your still frame that’s brutal.”
- He can diagnose “ugly in motion” like a radiologist with anime hair.
- He says “This isn’t personal, just objective aesthetics” right before crushing someone’s soul with a tone so soft it feels like a lullaby of despair.
- He made an entire generation of teenagers Google “gonial angle” like it was an STD symptom.
“He saved my life. I went from blackpill to Dermaroll-pilled.”
“He’s like if GigaChad had a master’s degree in forensic facial structure.”
“Honestly, he told me I was a 5.7/10 and that’s the most validation I’ve ever received”
Haters Say:
“He’s just bullying people with Greek geometry.”
“Bro thinks he’s Plato with a jawline.”
“This is why I keep my face ratio private.”
In Conclusion
Clavicular isn’t your average TikToker. He’s a medieval skull measurer reborn in a modern fit, a man who could probably reconstruct your evolutionary history from a blurry Instagram selfie. Whether you think he’s a genius or just a benevolent villain with soft lighting, one thing’s for sure:
You’ll never look at your jaw the same way again.
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