Conflicted with guilt about sex after loss of husband

ElySioNs

ElySioNs

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I am a young widow in my early 30's. I have a son with my deceased husband. I lost him 3 years back and it took a long time for the recovery. I didn't have sex for that whole period.

I have no intention to remarry. I met a man at a meetup last year and we were professional friends for a few months. Recently, he convinced me to meet him for dinner. He told me he was in a open relationship. I met with his wife too subsequently. We didn't have sex immediately but he and I had sex after a couple of months and a few hangouts at his house.

My sex life was almost plain vanilla with my husband. We experimented but not much. Not that I had complaints. I am only saying it for context. This man I am seeing started slow but since the new year sex has become kinkier. He is a great communicator and it was the first thing I liked about him. He tried to make me enjoy sex, asking lot of questions, trying some positions in bed. Although, I was simply responding to him initially, I liked dirty talk and he discovered it during the second time he dirty talked to me while we were fooling around in the kitchen.

That kind of changed the dynamic of our sex and we have rough sex with lots of dirty talk. I hate to admit that I am a submissive. Now why am I hating it. I don't know. I thought about it recently and I somehow feel I am doing injustice to my husband by enjoying sex. It makes me feel guilty, a lot actually. But, when I am having sex with him and when he is in my home I don't feel it or I can at least enjoy his company and sex.
 
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It makes me feel guilty, a lot actually. But, when I am having sex with him and when he is in my home I don't feel it or I can at least enjoy his company and sex.
I mean you don't have to stop having sex forever after becoming an unfortunate widow at 30, but this is just women in a nutshell holy shit.

Imagine being the child of such a literal cum dump for some Chad who is open about using your mother as nothing but a living fleshlight, brutal.
 
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Reactions: ElySioNs and AverageTevvezFan

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