Feminineboi
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2020
- Posts
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Life is a constant worry about how I look, how I can improve, and ultimately failing to take the next step.
I feel like a failure sometimes, then like I'm on top of the whole world others.
I confess to those very close to me my stresses, they tell me they've never noticed. Sometimes I don't even notice myself.
"If I just had a bigger, more square chin...everything would be alright."
But I don't.
No amount of validation from others could ever possibly make me feel...Okay.
"Mom, look at my chin! It's so small and feminine!"
"No honey, your chin is just fine."
I'll look at pictures of people like O'pry, or my father, and see that their chins grew a little as they got older. I hope...just hope...that my chin will do the same.
What's the use though? Even if I had a better chin, I'd still find other things to worry about.
"If my mandible was wider, it might not even matter that my chin was small! I'll start trying to chew..."
I'll examine pictures of Chico, and see that his mandible is also on the thin side, like mine.
"If he is sought after by women, then I'll be fine!"
Then I'll examine closer. I'll look at some of his pictures where he's clenching his teeth and realize that he can conjure a small--but noticeable--point on top of his gonion. My heart is shattered. Even Chico's gonions point outwards enough so that he can display his massater muscles! My gonions curve inwards, sitting far beneath the skin of my neck, hidden in all of their shame, for none to ever see.
"I-I'll just keep chewing! The pressure could remodel the gonions more outward!"
Cope? Or necessary hope?
I suspect all my efforts are nothing more than indeed a coping mechanism. Yet I continue to cope, in the effort of achieving my one hope:
Right now, I'm getting off of porn, taking vitamins, supplements, and attempting to live a better, more DHT/testosterone-inducing lifestyle.
By any means necessary I will continue to masculinize my chin and jaw, for that is what my friend, Body Dismorphia, tells me I need to do.
I live under his control.
I feel like a failure sometimes, then like I'm on top of the whole world others.
I confess to those very close to me my stresses, they tell me they've never noticed. Sometimes I don't even notice myself.
"If I just had a bigger, more square chin...everything would be alright."
But I don't.
No amount of validation from others could ever possibly make me feel...Okay.
"Mom, look at my chin! It's so small and feminine!"
"No honey, your chin is just fine."
I'll look at pictures of people like O'pry, or my father, and see that their chins grew a little as they got older. I hope...just hope...that my chin will do the same.
What's the use though? Even if I had a better chin, I'd still find other things to worry about.
"If my mandible was wider, it might not even matter that my chin was small! I'll start trying to chew..."
I'll examine pictures of Chico, and see that his mandible is also on the thin side, like mine.
"If he is sought after by women, then I'll be fine!"
Then I'll examine closer. I'll look at some of his pictures where he's clenching his teeth and realize that he can conjure a small--but noticeable--point on top of his gonion. My heart is shattered. Even Chico's gonions point outwards enough so that he can display his massater muscles! My gonions curve inwards, sitting far beneath the skin of my neck, hidden in all of their shame, for none to ever see.
"I-I'll just keep chewing! The pressure could remodel the gonions more outward!"
Cope? Or necessary hope?
I suspect all my efforts are nothing more than indeed a coping mechanism. Yet I continue to cope, in the effort of achieving my one hope:
the possible?
Right now, I'm getting off of porn, taking vitamins, supplements, and attempting to live a better, more DHT/testosterone-inducing lifestyle.
By any means necessary I will continue to masculinize my chin and jaw, for that is what my friend, Body Dismorphia, tells me I need to do.
I live under his control.
