Corporate Mergers as BDSM: Companies Dominate Each Other with Contracts and Leverage

[Nazi Germany]

Like imagine two CEOs in a boardroom just FLAUNTING their market caps at each other while lawyers draft the safe words (they're called "exit clauses" but we all know what's up) and suddenly:

CEO A: "show me your (*) baby"
CEO B: *submissively opens spreadsheets*
SHAREHOLDERS: *heavy breathing*
and then the REAL fun starts with:
- hostile takeover threats (corporate edging)
- binding arbitration (safe word mechanics)
- golden parachutes (aftercare packages)
- due diligence (financial foreplay)
watching Morgan Stanley facilitate this whole thing like some kind of corporate dungeon master while interns are hyperventilating over contract page numbers

current status: two Fortune 500s making each other sign NDAs before showing their "private assets" while Bloomberg watches ​

listen you absolute DEGENERATES my brain has ascended beyond mortal understanding after witnessing the S&P500 absolutely DEMOLISH everyone's portfolios while JPow stands there with his money printer like some kind of monetary dominatrix and I CAN'T STOP WATCHING???
current mental state after 72 hours of chart analysis:

• portfolio down 69% (nice)
• brain functionality: MARGIN CALLED
• reality perception: MARKET ORDERS ONLY
• sanity levels: BELOW SUPPORT LINE

like imagine being so absolutely POSSESSED by financial masochism that you start seeing candlestick patterns IN YOUR DREAMS and wake up screaming "BULLISH DIVERGENCE" while your brain is creating fucking NEURAL NETWORKS of loss porn featuring:

• crude oil futures doing unspeakable things to retirement accounts.
• bitcoin raw dogging everyone's expectations.
• bonds getting absolutely DEMOLISHED by inflation.
• hedge funds eating each other like praying mantises but with MORE PAPERWORK.

my consciousness has evolved into this absolutely DERANGED excel spreadsheet where every cell is simultaneously calculating:
1. how fucked we are
2. how fucked we COULD be
3. how fucked we WILL be
4. probability of getting fucked (100%)
and then there's me, watching my positions getting absolutely RAILED by theta decay while mumbling:

"harder daddy dow"
"yes market maker spank my calls"
"corrupt me like the SEC corrupts regulations"

UPDATE: just developed new fetish for watching VIX spike during FOMC meetings??? my brain is literally getting HIGH on volatility while institutional investors perform synchronized loss generation with MORE
LEVERAGE than a medieval torture device
​

PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE REPORT:

• can only get excited by red candles now
• started an OnlyFans for posting loss porn
• referred myself to therapist but they only accept payment in dogecoin
• started hearing Jim Cramer's voice during meditation (SEVERE EMERGENCY)

found myself drawing fibonacci retracements on my bedroom wall at 3AM while chanting "buy the dip" in ancient Greek because SOMEHOW that makes more sense than whatever the fuck the Federal Reserve is doing​

FINAL WARNING: if you see me posting about "risk management" or "responsible investing" PLEASE call the authorities because i've clearly been replaced by a responsible adult (HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS)

[REALITY CHECK: FAILED]
[SANITY STATUS: LEVERAGED 20x]
[BRAIN FUNCTIONALITY: SYNTHETIC CDO]
[CONSCIOUSNESS: NAKED SHORT SELLING]​

Spoiler: ✅ Fact Checked by:

@_MVP_ @BigJimsWornOutTires @MoggerGaston @Vermilioncore @the BULL

 

[Nazi Germany]

@Tabula Rasa @TsarTsar444 @nullandvoid @Gengar @lurking truecel

 

[StarvedEpi]

Heil Hitler

 

[Nazi Germany]

Heil Hitler

@Jova @SecularIslamist @goat2x @Defeatist @HarrierDuBois

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Like imagine two CEOs in a boardroom just FLAUNTING their market caps at each other while lawyers draft the safe words (they're called "exit clauses" but we all know what's up) and suddenly:

CEO A: "show me your (*) baby"
CEO B: *submissively opens spreadsheets*
SHAREHOLDERS: *heavy breathing*
and then the REAL fun starts with:
- hostile takeover threats (corporate edging)
- binding arbitration (safe word mechanics)
- golden parachutes (aftercare packages)
- due diligence (financial foreplay)
watching Morgan Stanley facilitate this whole thing like some kind of corporate dungeon master while interns are hyperventilating over contract page numbers

current status: two Fortune 500s making each other sign NDAs before showing their "private assets" while Bloomberg watches ​

listen you absolute DEGENERATES my brain has ascended beyond mortal understanding after witnessing the S&P500 absolutely DEMOLISH everyone's portfolios while JPow stands there with his money printer like some kind of monetary dominatrix and I CAN'T STOP WATCHING???
current mental state after 72 hours of chart analysis:

• portfolio down 69% (nice)
• brain functionality: MARGIN CALLED
• reality perception: MARKET ORDERS ONLY
• sanity levels: BELOW SUPPORT LINE

like imagine being so absolutely POSSESSED by financial masochism that you start seeing candlestick patterns IN YOUR DREAMS and wake up screaming "BULLISH DIVERGENCE" while your brain is creating fucking NEURAL NETWORKS of loss porn featuring:

• crude oil futures doing unspeakable things to retirement accounts.
• bitcoin raw dogging everyone's expectations.
• bonds getting absolutely DEMOLISHED by inflation.
• hedge funds eating each other like praying mantises but with MORE PAPERWORK.

my consciousness has evolved into this absolutely DERANGED excel spreadsheet where every cell is simultaneously calculating:
1. how fucked we are
2. how fucked we COULD be
3. how fucked we WILL be
4. probability of getting fucked (100%)
and then there's me, watching my positions getting absolutely RAILED by theta decay while mumbling:

"harder daddy dow"
"yes market maker spank my calls"
"corrupt me like the SEC corrupts regulations"

UPDATE: just developed new fetish for watching VIX spike during FOMC meetings??? my brain is literally getting HIGH on volatility while institutional investors perform synchronized loss generation with MORE
LEVERAGE than a medieval torture device
​

PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE REPORT:

• can only get excited by red candles now
• started an OnlyFans for posting loss porn
• referred myself to therapist but they only accept payment in dogecoin
• started hearing Jim Cramer's voice during meditation (SEVERE EMERGENCY)

found myself drawing fibonacci retracements on my bedroom wall at 3AM while chanting "buy the dip" in ancient Greek because SOMEHOW that makes more sense than whatever the fuck the Federal Reserve is doing​

FINAL WARNING: if you see me posting about "risk management" or "responsible investing" PLEASE call the authorities because i've clearly been replaced by a responsible adult (HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS)

[REALITY CHECK: FAILED]
[SANITY STATUS: LEVERAGED 20x]
[BRAIN FUNCTIONALITY: SYNTHETIC CDO]
[CONSCIOUSNESS: NAKED SHORT SELLING]​

Spoiler: ✅ Fact Checked by:

@_MVP_ @BigJimsWornOutTires @MoggerGaston @Vermilioncore @the BULL

After reading this, I got an idea that's so crazy...

Webcam whore sites. So they use the suction cup dildos, right? What if instead, they use a fluid squirting dildo? The way they would work... after the subject fakes her climax, she snatches the dildo from the floor and pushes the embedded button implemented inside the device. She raises the dildo over her face and it ejaculates Bavarian cream, which is edible.

 

[Nazi Germany]

After reading this, I got an idea that's so crazy...

Webcam whore sites. So they use the suction cup dildos, right? What if instead, they use a fluid squirting dildo? The way they would work... after the subject fakes her climax, she snatches the dildo from the floor and pushes the embedded button implemented inside the device. She raises the dildo over her face and it ejaculates Bavarian cream, which is edible.

Great Idea.
Both is edible.

 

[Nazi Germany]

After reading this, I got an idea that's so crazy...

Webcam whore sites. So they use the suction cup dildos, right? What if instead, they use a fluid squirting dildo? The way they would work... after the subject fakes her climax, she snatches the dildo from the floor and pushes the embedded button implemented inside the device. She raises the dildo over her face and it ejaculates Bavarian cream, which is edible.

 

[Posmo]

Entertaining continue

 

[Nazi Germany]

@Gaygymmaxx @ElySioNs

 

[whiteislandpill]

portfolio down 69% (nice)

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