zerotohero
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It’s wild. Every year that passes, I look back at my previous self and cringe so hard I almost want to erase those memories. Right now, it’s 2025, and I’m sitting here thinking about how much I can’t stand my 2024 self. A year ago, I was cringing about my 2023 self. And it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. It’s like every version of myself from the last few years is just a reminder of how far behind I am. But let’s get into it.
I’m 24 now, but honestly, it feels like I wasted 7 years of my life. I might be 24 in age, but mentally and emotionally, I feel like I’m 17. I wasted time on dumb shit like obsessing over video games, porn, social media, and just letting myself rot away. Every time I think about it, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. The impulsive decisions I made, the autistic shit I did, it’s like I was always one step behind. A lot of the time, it felt like I was an abused dog that never learned how to properly grow up. Every bad decision just dug me deeper into a hole I couldn’t climb out of.
I think a lot of my issues come from growing up without any real structure. And then I compounded that with being a poorfag. When you don’t have money or the right support, it’s easy to let your life fall apart. Add to that impulsivity, the BPD, and ADHD, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. It’s like I was living in my head, but never really participating in life.
The bad choices piled up. From wasting years on a computer science course I didn’t finish, to putting off going to college because I didn’t know what the hell I wanted, to getting distracted by meaningless shit. I was stuck in this loop of self-sabotage, and I just couldn’t get out.
But honestly, it wasn’t just the bad decisions that hurt. It was the fact that I didn’t have the maturity to recognize I was making them. I didn’t have the self-awareness to stop myself from falling deeper. It’s like I just kept running on autopilot, following impulses, doing things I thought were gonna work out, but they didn’t.
Now, I’m sitting here in 2025, looking back at all that wasted time and growth I could have had. I feel like every year that passes is just me acknowledging how far behind I really am. I’m still trying to fix all the shit I fucked up, but it’s a process. But the difference now is that I’m not running from it. I’m facing it. I’m putting in the work to catch up.
Every day I feel that itch to be more, to not let myself rot. I’m aware of how much time I lost, but I know it’s never too late. So I’m gonna keep pushing forward, even if I have to feel like shit every year until I get to a point where I can look back and think, “I did that. I’m not that version of myself anymore.” Until then, I just keep grinding, even if it’s painful. It’s about growing up, even if I had to start the process way too late.
I’m 24 now, but honestly, it feels like I wasted 7 years of my life. I might be 24 in age, but mentally and emotionally, I feel like I’m 17. I wasted time on dumb shit like obsessing over video games, porn, social media, and just letting myself rot away. Every time I think about it, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. The impulsive decisions I made, the autistic shit I did, it’s like I was always one step behind. A lot of the time, it felt like I was an abused dog that never learned how to properly grow up. Every bad decision just dug me deeper into a hole I couldn’t climb out of.
I think a lot of my issues come from growing up without any real structure. And then I compounded that with being a poorfag. When you don’t have money or the right support, it’s easy to let your life fall apart. Add to that impulsivity, the BPD, and ADHD, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. It’s like I was living in my head, but never really participating in life.
The bad choices piled up. From wasting years on a computer science course I didn’t finish, to putting off going to college because I didn’t know what the hell I wanted, to getting distracted by meaningless shit. I was stuck in this loop of self-sabotage, and I just couldn’t get out.
But honestly, it wasn’t just the bad decisions that hurt. It was the fact that I didn’t have the maturity to recognize I was making them. I didn’t have the self-awareness to stop myself from falling deeper. It’s like I just kept running on autopilot, following impulses, doing things I thought were gonna work out, but they didn’t.
Now, I’m sitting here in 2025, looking back at all that wasted time and growth I could have had. I feel like every year that passes is just me acknowledging how far behind I really am. I’m still trying to fix all the shit I fucked up, but it’s a process. But the difference now is that I’m not running from it. I’m facing it. I’m putting in the work to catch up.
Every day I feel that itch to be more, to not let myself rot. I’m aware of how much time I lost, but I know it’s never too late. So I’m gonna keep pushing forward, even if I have to feel like shit every year until I get to a point where I can look back and think, “I did that. I’m not that version of myself anymore.” Until then, I just keep grinding, even if it’s painful. It’s about growing up, even if I had to start the process way too late.
