Depression is taking over my life

[Deleted member 261019]

Being depressed since 9th grade has taking a mental toll on me I don't feel anything joy ever, last year I thought I escaped it I was in love with my girlfriend I genuinely felt happy for once but the damage was dealt I couldn't show my love, I didn't know how to be happy even if I felt inside on the outside I looked sad and miserable she always asked why I was sad around her I always reassured her that I did like being around her but the question always arose my eyes were always down looking at the ground my posture weak from being timid my entire life rarely I smiled if I ever did it was forced but at the end of the night during the relationship I could sleep my insomnia disappeared I felt warm and loved. When it ended m life returned back to normal just blatant sadness YouTube 8 hours a day and school work, I sleep as much as possible and distract myself with shows and videos, I don't have the urge to jerk off at all I don't have the energy to. This isn't related to my looks just mental issues that I developed by not having a loving family in development

 

[Deleted member 261019]

I am 19 currently for refrence

 

[Eskorbutin]

Put the phone down chief

 

[Deleted member 261019]

Put the phone down chief

I don't like going outside because I never get treated nicely

 

[Eskorbutin]

I don't like going outside because I never get treated nicely

I like going to parks

 

[alurmo]

Being depressed since 9th grade has taking a mental toll on me I don't feel anything joy ever, last year I thought I escaped it I was in love with my girlfriend I genuinely felt happy for once but the damage was dealt I couldn't show my love, I didn't know how to be happy even if I felt inside on the outside I looked sad and miserable she always asked why I was sad around her I always reassured her that I did like being around her but the question always arose my eyes were always down looking at the ground my posture weak from being timid my entire life rarely I smiled if I ever did it was forced but at the end of the night during the relationship I could sleep my insomnia disappeared I felt warm and loved. When it ended m life returned back to normal just blatant sadness YouTube 8 hours a day and school work, I sleep as much as possible and distract myself with shows and videos, I don't have the urge to jerk off at all I don't have the energy to. This isn't related to my looks just mental issues that I developed by not having a loving family in development

lol do something then, depression was the start of my enlightened phase

 

[xzylecrey]

Same helps a bit

I like going to parks

 

[Deleted member 261019]

I like going to parks

my shitty town has nothing to offer

 

[Deleted member 261019]

lol do something then, depression was the start of my enlightened phase

how were you enlightened

 

[nsk4ll]

Being depressed since 9th grade has taking a mental toll on me I don't feel anything joy ever, last year I thought I escaped it I was in love with my girlfriend I genuinely felt happy for once but the damage was dealt I couldn't show my love, I didn't know how to be happy even if I felt inside on the outside I looked sad and miserable she always asked why I was sad around her I always reassured her that I did like being around her but the question always arose my eyes were always down looking at the ground my posture weak from being timid my entire life rarely I smiled if I ever did it was forced but at the end of the night during the relationship I could sleep my insomnia disappeared I felt warm and loved. When it ended m life returned back to normal just blatant sadness YouTube 8 hours a day and school work, I sleep as much as possible and distract myself with shows and videos, I don't have the urge to jerk off at all I don't have the energy to. This isn't related to my looks just mental issues that I developed by not having a loving family in development

its so unfair for us, i wish we could exist normally like other people too

 

[browncurrycel]

I smiled if I ever did it was forced

Why? You didn't like her or sumn?

 

[Deleted member 261019]

its so unfair for us, i wish we could exist normally like other people too

I think a lot of people live in misery just like us

 

[nsk4ll]

I think a lot of people live in misery just like us

we have it worse

 

[Deleted member 261019]

Why? You didn't like her or sumn?

i loved her but i could never show it not that I did that on purpose I was just so scarred I didn't know how to show love back

 

[browncurrycel]

i loved her but i could never show it not that I did that on purpose I was just so scarred I didn't know how to show love back

Scared of what? That she will pull away from you if you show too much affection?

You didn't kiss her, tease her, do stuff like that?

 

[Deleted member 261019]

we have it worse

perhaps we are to aware

 

[nsk4ll]

perhaps we are to aware

ignorance is truly a bliss after all

 

[Deleted member 261019]

Scared of what? That she will pull away from you if you show too much affection?

You didn't kiss her, tease her, do stuff like that?

your not understanding what im trying to say, I was always blank I just enjoyed being around her inside, on the outside I didn't do much to show my inner gratitude

 

[JoeNutz]

When you're fucked up even when you got a bitch thats some real deep rooted shit

 

[Deleted member 261019]

When you're fucked up even when you got a bitch thats some real deep rooted shit

I don't know why, the other day i visited her because I returned some stuff she asked if we could go dig up some grass for her dog I agreed at the end of the day she asked me why does it seem like you don't like me here, I said i do like you around she then said no you were always sad with that blank expression

 

[JoeNutz]

I don't know why, the other day i visited her because I returned some stuff she asked if we could go dig up some grass for her dog I agreed at the end of the day she asked me why does it seem like you don't like me here, I said i do like you around she then said no you were always sad with that blank expression

I feel like if a person hasnt experienced what youre dealing with they wont fully understand, my last partner just could not wrap their head around what I was dealing with but they still wanted the best for me

 

[Deleted member 261019]

I feel like if a person hasnt experienced what youre dealing with they wont fully understand, my last partner just could not wrap their head around what I was dealing with but they still wanted the best for me

what is up with your mental health>

 

[JoeNutz]

what is up with your mental health>

Luh you for asking, i am pretty much allergic to making connections with people, many nights i opened up to her about it and legit the words would not come out with out me breaking down completely, one of the last things she told me was "all i want is for you to tell me you're out with friends when I ask to see you"

 

[SomaliSub5]

once you hit rock bottom you can only go up from there

 

[alurmo]

how were you enlightened

by reading, consuming high quaity content
philosophy is the best media to consume
when i first started i got into schopenhauer, then from him nietzsche and so on

 

[Deleted member 261019]

Luh you for asking, i am pretty much allergic to making connections with people, many nights i opened up to her about it and legit the words would not come out with out me breaking down completely, one of the last things she told me was "all i want is for you to tell me you're out with friends when I ask to see you"

I once showed a bit of emotion it was about myself I know I am narcissistic the problem is I am aware but I can't do anything about it I hide it excellently but deep down I get angry when people tell me there achievements or past good experiences. I cried in front of her about my past school torment that was the only time I showed a hint of human emotions , the relationship lasted a year and I hated that bitch she was totally normal btw I just have such terrible inner thoughts that I developed a deep hate towards her, she never knew that I hated her she thinks the opposite that Im obsessed

 

[Deleted member 261019]

once you hit rock bottom you can only go up from there

hmm spongebob

 

[Deleted member 261019]

i got most of my mental issues from my mom, she hides everything just as well but I could see right through her