Earth is a cold dead place

[MoggerGaston]

We exist to suffer.

 

[TechnoBoss]

Was there something specific that happened to you lately that prompted you to say this? How are your group meetings going?

 

[MostGLSlayer]

We exist to suffer to find meaning in a meaningless existence.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Was there something specific that happened to you lately that prompted you to say this? How are your group meetings going?

I keep shocking the people in my mental ward group with the parental-abuse stories of my mom. I've only touched the surface of what my mom has done to me and everyone is in disbelief.
I feel like the other people have more 'normie-tier problems' so I don't really feel like I fit in. I don't want to downplay their struggle or anything because you can't get into this ward with small problems, but it's different. These people have friends, family, jobs, kids, relationships, etc. despite their mental struggles.
I have completely nothing, it's cagefuel. So somehow I am even more mentally ill than they are.

or when I tell them I see myself as a subhuman deformed monster who can't do anything right. People are 'shocked' that I speak like this about myself, but it just makes me feel alienated from them.

I've already spoken to my supervisors about this, how I don't believe this therapy is helping me and they tell me that it takes time and I have to be patient. This therapy takes 2 years and were only in week 3, etc.


I haven't used drugs/alcohol in 2 weeks, been on a perfect diet, working out 4 times a week, but I feel more dead inside than ever before.
I have taken away the little joy I got in life from drugs/alcohol/snacks and now there's nothing left.
Waking up as a robot, eating my macro-calculated food, doing my exercises, going to therapy, and feeling nothing.

Cold dead place, this world.


Idk if I can recommend the ward to anyone ngl. It's not bad, but I constantly feel like I should be increasing my value (money, looks, status) instead of working on my mental problems.

I will keep writing blogs about it here I guess.
Tales from the ward.

 

[sweetheart]

i want to go with you on trip we gonna be driving my audi a6 and listen to more than you know pick up some hot latvian sluts innit

 

[TechnoBoss]

I keep shocking the people in my mental ward group with the parental-abuse stories of my mom. I've only touched the surface of what my mom has done to me and everyone is in disbelief.
I feel like the other people have more 'normie-tier problems' so I don't really feel like I fit in. I don't want to downplay their struggle or anything because you can't get into this ward with small problems, but it's different. These people have friends, family, jobs, kids, relationships, etc. despite their mental struggles.
I have completely nothing, it's cagefuel. So somehow I am even more mentally ill than they are.

or when I tell them I see myself as a subhuman deformed monster who can't do anything right. People are 'shocked' that I speak like this about myself, but it just makes me feel alienated from them.

I've already spoken to my supervisors about this, how I don't believe this therapy is helping me and they tell me that it takes time and I have to be patient. This therapy takes 2 years and were only in week 3, etc.


I haven't used drugs/alcohol in 2 weeks, been on a perfect diet, working out 4 times a week, but I feel more dead inside than ever before.
I have taken away the little joy I got in life from drugs/alcohol/snacks and now there's nothing left.
Waking up as a robot, eating my macro-calculated food, doing my exercises, going to therapy, and feeling nothing.

Cold dead place, this world.


Idk if I can recommend the ward to anyone ngl. It's not bad, but I constantly feel like I should be increasing my value (money, looks, status) instead of working on my mental problems.

I will keep writing blogs about it here I guess.
Tales from the ward.

Don’t give up on not doing drugs though that’s probably why you feel more empty. And maybe you’d feel better with 1 on 1 therapy instead of group therapy? Maybe you’re feeling even worse because you can’t feel like you can relate to the people in the group, so one on one sessions might be better?

Mental health comes before your SMV tbh because it’s hard to have high smv if you’re messed up and your mental health isn’t great I think. I definitely think it’s smart to fix mental health issues before focusing on smv. Better to try and treat the issues now so they don’t persist for more of your life I think.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Don’t give up on not doing drugs though that’s probably why you feel more empty. And maybe you’d feel better with 1 on 1 therapy instead of group therapy? Maybe you’re feeling even worse because you can’t feel like you can relate to the people in the group, so one on one sessions might be better?

im doing 1on1 therapy too, but it's mainly group session focussed. I don't know if I have a say in this, but I could request more individual therapy.

Mental health comes before your SMV tbh because it’s hard to have high smv if you’re messed up and your mental health isn’t great I think. I definitely think it’s smart to fix mental health issues before focusing on smv. Better to try and treat the issues now so they don’t persist for more of your life I think.

I guess it's mainly the question whether you can even enjoy high-SMV when you are mentally ill?! Probably not.

And yeah you're right. If I don't fix my mental issues now, I'll be stuck with them for the rest of my life

 

[StrangerDanger]

Read The Power of Now

 

[MoggerGaston]

Read The Power of Now

what does it do

 

[MoggerGaston]

@TechnoBoss what do you do for fun/entertainment?

have no clue how to have fun without alcohol/drugs. Have to re-discover myself smh.

 

[TechnoBoss]

@TechnoBoss what do you do for fun/entertainment?

have no clue how to have fun without alcohol/drugs. Have to re-discover myself smh.

Maybe find yourself a new hobby? You need to do something to replace the drugs and such. Why not look to things that you always enjoyed? For me when I quit doing drugs I took up DJing. I bought myself a controller, albeit an entry level one (FLX4) and got a subscription to beatport and just started making playlists. Then I started mixing. To be fair though, it's been a struggle for me. I still drink quite a bit and can't always even find motivation to do my hobby. I can't say I've quit my vices entirely. It's not easy you have to want to go without drugs and give your brain an opportunity to reset itself.

Reason I like DJing is because it's simultaneously productive, fun, and interesting. It's not too hard to learn but it's hard to get good at mixing/knowing what tracks to play after the other. Have you ever considered branching out into doing something with music like that? I never played a single instrument and don't know shit about any kind of musical theory or anything and I still got into this, as it's not a prerequisite for DJing really.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Maybe find yourself a new hobby? You need to do something to replace the drugs and such. Why not look to things that you always enjoyed? For me when I quit doing drugs I took up DJing. I bought myself a controller, albeit an entry level one (FLX4) and got a subscription to beatport and just started making playlists. Then I started mixing. To be fair though, it's been a struggle for me. I still drink quite a bit and can't always even find motivation to do my hobby. I can't say I've quit my vices entirely. It's not easy you have to want to go without drugs and give your brain an opportunity to reset itself.

Reason I like DJing is because it's simultaneously productive, fun, and interesting. It's not too hard to learn but it's hard to get good at mixing/knowing what tracks to play after the other. Have you ever considered branching out into doing something with music like that? I never played a single instrument and don't know shit about any kind of musical theory or anything and I still got into this, as it's not a prerequisite for DJing really.

Yeah a new hobby would be nice, but it's very hard to get into new stuff when you are depressed. I know even before i started using drugs that it was hard to enjoy doing things so you do whatever takes the least effort instead.
Gonna check out some group-fitness stuff at my university gym I guess. Meet some new people or something.

DJing sounds cool, it's good you found that as a hobby even though it's hard and you're still struggling. Esp since you're not really playing the music you want yet.

I've played violin before so totally different haha. DJing would start from scratch I guess.

 

[TechnoBoss]

Yeah a new hobby would be nice, but it's very hard to get into new stuff when you are depressed. I know even before i started using drugs that it was hard to enjoy doing things so you do whatever takes the least effort instead.
Gonna check out some group-fitness stuff at my university gym I guess. Meet some new people or something.

DJing sounds cool, it's good you found that as a hobby even though it's hard and you're still struggling. Esp since you're not really playing the music you want yet.

I've played violin before so totally different haha. DJing would start from scratch I guess.

The gym would be a good idea. Ever hear of a runners high? You kinda get the same thing from the gym albeit you need to keep doing it for a bit. Hardest part is starting bro. I'm still not where I'm where I wanna be when it comes to being sober completely either. It's a process, truly.

Yeah I haven't gotten the opportunity to really play any techno or house or anything. I've put it on for like one or two songs once but the reception wasn't what I hoped it would be.

What made you stop playing violin bhai? Was it in school you played it? Did you enjoy it?

Do you have any other ideas for new hobbies than can possibly replace the drugs and such? Obviously it is never a smooth transition from one to another but it really takes time.

Thanks man.

 

[Greypiller]

We exist to suffer.

I agree, some of us suffer more than others tho . The purpose of this depraved world is still unknown and why life is so unfair towards some and fairer to others. God has favorites

 

[Klasik616]

I agree, some of us suffer more than others tho . The purpose of this depraved world is still unknown and why life is so unfair towards some and fairer to others. God has favorites

There is no purpose. And the fact some people have better lifes is because they're pretty or they're rich. Everything is about luck.

 

[autistic_tendencies]

One must choose in life between boredom and suffering.

Madame de stael

 

[Greypiller]

There is no purpose. And the fact some people have better lifes is because they're pretty or they're rich. Everything is about luck.

life after covid just doesnt hit the same anymore

 

[StrangerDanger]

what does it do

It will shed new insights of why you suffer, how to deal with it and hopefully make you see the world in a new happier light afterwards. I think it will resonate for anyone who has undergone ego death

 

[MoggerGaston]

The gym would be a good idea. Ever hear of a runners high? You kinda get the same thing from the gym albeit you need to keep doing it for a bit. Hardest part is starting bro. I'm still not where I'm where I wanna be when it comes to being sober completely either. It's a process, truly.

what times do you drink? During the evening when you are bored alone?

Yeah I haven't gotten the opportunity to really play any techno or house or anything. I've put it on for like one or two songs once but the reception wasn't what I hoped it would be.

That sucks I can imagine. Could be different next time though.

What made you stop playing violin bhai? Was it in school you played it? Did you enjoy it?

ahhah no, my parents forced me to play it for like 10 years. There were a few fun moments, but largely it was shit.

Do you have any other ideas for new hobbies than can possibly replace the drugs and such? Obviously it is never a smooth transition from one to another but it really takes time.

Thanks man.

I only really get the urge to do drugs/alcohol in the evening. No clue what else I could do in the evenings tbh. All social-life seems to involve at least alcohol around that time here. So I guess something I do on my own in my room idk.

maybe I can try videogaming again.