BucketCrab
If you can't climb out, drag others down.
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“...the female brain sets out on a mission to tame, heal, or soften the hero’s wild heart. The process of the hero getting in touch with his tender side is one of the greatest pleasures of the romance."
Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam - A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Female Psychology II
SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC FANTASIES
Chapter I: https://looksmax.org/threads/female-psychology-i-introductory-guide.975926/#post-14765801
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IndexOgi Ogas and Sai Gaddam - A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Female Psychology II
SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC FANTASIES
Chapter I: https://looksmax.org/threads/female-psychology-i-introductory-guide.975926/#post-14765801
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0. What is in this guide?
1. Female-oriented eroticism
1.1 What men look for
1.2 What women look for
1.3 Common elements in female arousal
1.4 The role of visuals
2. Fulfilling a Fantasy
2.1 The Female Heroine Myth
2.2 Fantasy and Reality
2.3 Sexualized body parts
2.4 On penis size and female desire
3. The Five Major Romantic Archetypes
3.1 The Werewolf
3.2 The Pirate
3.3 The Vampire
3.4 The Billionaire
3.5 The Surgeon
4. Conclusion
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What is in this guide?
As usual, this guide is not intended as a quick read and does not cater to people with a low attention span. I make an effort to organize my writings in a way that is easily digestible but I won't go out of my way to add pictures unless they're necessary, provide TL;DRs or bastardize things for the sake of simplicity. You're all grown ups, you can handle reading a longer thread every once in a while.
This guide contains an anaylsis of common female sexual fantasies, the archetypes of the male love interests contained therein, and the psycho-social mechanisms behind these preferences. The first chapter will dive deeply into the most prominent form of erotic material consumed by women: romantic novels. By painstakingly taking apart the most common narrative tropes, word choices, physical features and fantasies, we will look deeply into the reasons that make these works so appealing to so many women, and in what ways they satisfy female urges in a way pornography cannot.
Before any one of you scoffs and mutters something about romance novels being cringe and useless, let me tell you something. The romance novel market has generated $1.37 billion in sales in 2008 and is the most-sold genre in the fiction market (more people buy romance than anything else). More than 90% of romance readers are women of all ages. Younger women routinely use wattpad or wattpad analogues and consume and produce a staggering amount of fanfiction that closely mimics the tropes and contents of "professional" romance fiction. It is THE female equivalent of porn and men can study it to dissect what women find arousing in the exact same way a woman can find ways to be more attractive in the eyes of an individual man by scrutinizing his tastes in pornography.
The second chapter will focus on practical ways in which the concepts discussed in chapter 1 can be translated into real life, and the complex intricacies that lie in this specific endeavor. Are women only interested in these dynamics in the realm of masturbation and fantasies, or do they crave to experience something similar in real life? This chapter will shine light on all these aspects and pay special attention to what issues you may run into while trying to use the information contained in this guide in your everyday interactions.
The third and final chapter will give a more detailed analysis of five common male archetypes in sexual fantasies specifically crafted to appeal to women. We will look at the reasons that make this type of character so appealing, and which physical and psychological features can easily be integrated in the type of experience you can offer to women and girls you're interested in. Do not skip to this chapter - it's useless to focus on this without understanding the rest of the guide.
DISCLAIMER
This section of the guide was partly inspired by a Jordan Peterson lecture. I personally think he is a very acute and eloquent man, although he can sometimes be a bit misguided and childish. The five archetypes he mentioned (the same contained in the third chapter) are not specifically included in A Billion Wicked Thoughts, but the fact his brain automatically came up with these five says a lot. Those five archetypes are a very easy way to conceptualize these different and widespread female fantasies which all share some common elements. Splitting hairs in a culture war about J. Peterson is completely useless, so please refrain from commenting in this sense since I will not be answering messages related to this specific topic.
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1. Female-oriented eroticism
1.1 What men look for
This section of the guide was partly inspired by a Jordan Peterson lecture. I personally think he is a very acute and eloquent man, although he can sometimes be a bit misguided and childish. The five archetypes he mentioned (the same contained in the third chapter) are not specifically included in A Billion Wicked Thoughts, but the fact his brain automatically came up with these five says a lot. Those five archetypes are a very easy way to conceptualize these different and widespread female fantasies which all share some common elements. Splitting hairs in a culture war about J. Peterson is completely useless, so please refrain from commenting in this sense since I will not be answering messages related to this specific topic.
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1. Female-oriented eroticism
1.1 What men look for
Unsurprisingly, men's pornographic interests are perfectly in line with the way male arousal and sexuality works: men look, assess and lastly desire, in this specific order. Typically, the data related to male erotic interest highlights three things:
1. Men are overwhelmingly interested in visual stimuli, i.e. pictures, drawings and videos.
2. Age is the most important aspect in what men look for. Although mature women are also popular, they don't come close to the appeal of very young women (teens) and categorization in this respect is precise and underlines how selective men are regarding this specific feature.
3. Body types are also fundamentally important, with specific interest being placed towards fat distribution in feminine places such as breasts and buttocks; a woman's waist-to-hip ratio is extremely important to stimulate male arousal.
The data is in line with what we already know about male reproductive strategies: males want to have as many children with as many fertile women as possible, and a woman's fertility and reproductive capability can be easily judged by sight alone.
It is important to note that men typically place specific importance on a woman's loyalty too, to ensure paternity certainty. Still, when we are talking about sexual fantasies, this aspect is not important at all since the choice being made here is not about a lifelong partner, but rather as a simple vehicle for sexual release. It is important to understand this aspect as it finalizes that when talking about sexual fantasies, men are mostly interested in physical cues to reach arousal, and are not as interested in a woman's face as long as she ticks all other boxes.
1.2 What women look for
It has been said for a long time that "men are visual creatures, while women aren't" and the data regarding the type of pornography women look for seems to be in line with this line of thinking. Indeed, women seem to be largely disinterested in porn, while they are very interested in erotic literature. The opposite is true for men: they're interested in porn, and disinterested in erotic literature.
The answer to this conundrum lies in a very simple fact: women are far more selective than men not only in judging physical attractiveness, but in all realms of sexuality. In other words, female brains see sex in a twofold way: physical and psychological. Both of these aspects must be satisfying for a woman to feel sexual arousal and desire sex. Since impregnation comes with a series of long-term issues for a female, it makes sense that her sexual circuitry is also geared towards long-term preferences - this is extremely important because it explains a plethora of differences.
For example it explains why male libido INCREASES in dangerous environments (the organism wants to pass on its genes before it dies) but female libido DECREASES in dangerous environments (nutrition, shelter and safety must be taken care of to make impregnation worth it). It is essential to understand that male arousal works short-term, while female arousal works long-term; men must undertake risks, because most men evolutionarily don't get to reproduce. Most females DO reproduce, and thus they are incentivized to play it safe.
That is precisely why romantic stories are far more sexually arousing to women. Few women would pay to see a naked male celebrity because finding a man physically attractive only satisfies one side of the female sexual circuitry. A female may find a man sexy as soon as they look at their face, but her instinctual mechanisms require more data to be convinced actually having sex with him is a worthy endeavor. Written romantic/erotic stories fulfill that precise need.
“The romance novel is a chronicle of female mate choice in which the heroine overcomes obstacles to identify, win, and marry the hero, who embodies the physical, psychological, and social characteristics that constituted high male mate value during the course of human evolutionary history.”
Warrior Lovers: Erotic Fantasies, Evolution and Female Sexuality
Physical cues are still essential: female romantic and sexual fantasies always feature a man who is very physically attractive. Judging by data gathered on the love interests in these stories, the following features tend to be omnipresent: an attractive face, above average height, muscularity, a deep voice. Psychologically speaking, these men are typically also socially dominant and exceptionally competent in one or more ways, as well as profoundly and irresistbly in love with the female protagonist.
As mentioned earlier, both the physical and psychological elements must be present to fulfill female sexual fantasies.
Porn is satisfying to men because it's purely visual and only focuses on the physical, but it is insufficient for women because it lacks the emotional/psychological elements that make a sexual fantasy enticing to a female brain. On the other hand, erotic literature is satisfying to women because it features both physical and emotional aspects, but it is insufficient to satisfy men because there isn't enough focus on the physical.
1.3 Common elements in female arousal
Romantic stories can comfortably showcase an attractive man’s capability for stability, commitment, social status, competence, and kindness along with physical attributes. Dominance and aggression are commonplace in female sexual fantasies, but dominance and aggression alone are insufficient to trigger sexual arousal - this is where redpill coaches go wrong, especially since dominance is far more important than aggression for what concerns female sexual arousal.
Certain masculine psychological features are very important and considered sexy, but they're also largely useless without physical attractiveness, and are not sufficient by themselves.
Truthfully, physical dominance is not nearly as important as other features, which is why few women are interested in professional fighters, while plenty are interested in singers and actors. Yet, fighting prowess and physical dominance does seem to have some relevance to triggering female arousal: a subsequent chapter of this guide will be dedicated to exploring this very topic. However, social and bodily dominance cannot replace raw attractiveness, and that is a simple fact - it acts mostly as a multipler with subjective impact. Let us focus on what appears with staggering consistence instead.
There are multiple male archetypes that often appear in these stories, and they are all physically attractive, while also being psychologically/emotionally attractive in different ways. It is important that an erotic piece of media showcases both elements to satisfy the female gaze. Here are a few elements that appear with massive frequency in the type of media women find sexually arousing:
◆ Tough on the outside, soft on the inside: The male love interest is unmistakeably dominant, but said dominance targets everyone but the female protagonist. In other words, there tends to be an underlying sense of danger in the male love interest, but said tough exterior must also be cracked by the female heroine only for it to be appealing.
◆ "I can fix him": The male love interest is deeply defective in some way and the only one that can heal him is the woman. Although this man is the apex of his own field and is a master of his own fate, there is at least one aspect of his life he just cannot handle alone and that only the female protagonist's love can fix: not just any woman will do, it must be the female protagonist.
◆ The woman is irresistible: Feeling like a man cannot help but have sex with her is extremely arousing to a woman. Women crave being desired by valuable men and will go to great lengths to make this a reality. This is why women dress provocatively but also complain about being objectified: they want to be objectified only by the men they find attractive. This is one of the most common and powerful psychosexual cues for women.
◆ Rape fantasies: Irresistibility also plays a central role in rape fantasies, which are very common among women. This element is added to a sense of "surrender" to a powerful, attractive man which elicits danger, taboo sex and passion. More on this on chapter 2.2: Fantasy and Reality.
◆ Popularity and Competition: Social proof also pops up often in these stories: the male lead is often shown to be desirable to other women. This creates a sense of competition that makes the woman feel amazing once the male interest shows to be hopelessly in love with them. That is because said victory is all the sweeter because it puts her above other women. A woman must feel like the male interest's love is everlasting and more powerful than what he's ever felt with other women.
Women are also more socially sensitive and thus they're more susceptible to groupthink, and will generally see a man that's desired by other women as more attractive simply due to a scarcity mindset, whereas men are generally uninterested in other men's opinion of a woman (and in fact they may even prefer if other men are uninterested as it increases the chances of controlling paternity certainty).
◆ One and Only: Men are interested in novelty as they are less selective and want to spread their seed as much as possible, whereas women tend to obsess over few extremely high quality men since they're more interested. This is why the female version of pornography (the romantic novel) dedicates so much focus onto one man, while most porn videos are short and straight to the point. Tihs also explains why many women are willing to pay money to read an attractive actor's biography, almost none of them would pay to see an attractive actor's penis.
◆ Emotional Climax: Typically, this coincides with the moment the male love interest reveals the extent of their obsession towards the female protagonist. This is the height of validation for the psycho-emotional components of the female brain in this specific context. These paragraphs may appear cringeworthy and unnatural to most male readers but they tickle a very specific part of female psychology, the one that craves a level of complete, primal validation that supersedes the most logical parts of a man's brain.
1.4 The role of visuals
It has been mentioned earlier that data seems to suggest women are uninterested in visual pornography. In truth, women are interested in visuals and there are specific parts of our brains that fire up the moment you see a face, and which determine if a face is attractive or not within a few seconds of seeing it. The point here is that women actually are interested in visuals, but not to the point that they'd enjoy purely visual material the way men do - this is evident by the fact that the appearance of the love interest in romantic novels is always described with great precision.
Still, women also need something more than just a physically attractive to assuage the long-term parts of her sexual circuitry that sex is a worthwhile endeavour with that specific man, elements that are LONG-TERM BASED and that can only be properly conveyed through longer media than a pornographic video. These elements are also basically never present in porn since 99% of pornography is made and consumed by men, and their taste shapes everything connected to it. Have you ever seen a porn video in which there was any attention given to the man's appearance in a way that may be pleasing to female viewers? The only part of the male body that is centerpiece to porn videos is the penis, and only because men want it to be central to the action.
Still, an exception exists. Enter erotic material dealing with homosexual men. Ever wondered why it's so popular among women? Why was it mostly straight women that enjoyed Brokeback Mountain? Why are there so many girls obsessed with yaoi (e.g. gay) manga?
That is because this type of media is completely geared towards their specific desires while being completely free of male influence.
In other words, homoerotic material (novels, movies and other media) are popular among women and girls because it is:
1. Not shaped by straight male tastes (since straight men are not interested in this type of thing).
and
2. Capable of providing an actual story that showcases psychological/emotional elements.
and
2. Capable of providing an actual story that showcases psychological/emotional elements.
This is extremely telling because it proves that women are also, in fact, "visual creatures". They are just visual in a different way compared to men. This type of erotic material does not focus on the men's penises the way porn geared towards straight males focuses on breasts and vaginas, but it still focuses on physical elements. Hands touching sensually, lips kissing and mouths biting, eyes glaring with unbridled desire, lean muscles straining during lovemaking. All these things are visual, but in a fundamentally different way from how porn for straight males is visual.
Remaining on the topic of why gay media seems to be so appealing to women, it could be interesting to pay specific attention to one type of homoerotic media: gay japanese manga. This type of content is divided into two subcategories which brilliantly highlight the differences in male-oriented and female-oriented eroticism.
The two subgenres are called yaoi and bara and although both feature gay men, there are a lot of differences because they cater to different audiences.
Bara material is made by gay men, for gay men: the men are hypermasculine, mature, bulky, hairy, and the material typically focuses on the same visual cues of straight porn, but with men's bodies as the target.
Yaoi material is made by straight women, for straight women: the men are attractive, young, lean and definitely more feminine. The material also focuses on different visual cues that females like more, while also having more attention devoted to psychological/emotional cues. These stories almost always feature a male who mimics the "female role" in the relationship and is the object of another more dominant male's desire. Everything here points at this type of gay media to be a very comfortable surrogate for what appeals to the female brain - with the added upside of having TWO attractive males to ogle instead of only one.
Understanding this very dichotomy is VITAL to mastering what turns women on.
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2. Fulfilling a Fantasy
2.1 The female heroine myth
2. Fulfilling a Fantasy
2.1 The female heroine myth
Physically speaking, all male romantic leads in these works seem to be described along the lines of Christian Grey from 50 Shades of Grey.
Christian is tall, lean yet muscular, and broad-shouldered, with dark copper-colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes. As quoted by Anastasia, "He is not merely good looking - he is the epitome of male beauty, breathtaking."
This description shouldn't be too surprising to any readers around here. It is way more interesting to have a closer look at the psychological and narrative elements that always pop up in these stories. All of these elements typically point to the fact that this exceptionally attractive man is, in one way or another, sort of a monster, in the sense that he is outside society or at its very top.The monstrous features of the love interest can take many different shapes but generally we're talking about a man that is unique and exceptional in some way, and while he may have sex with many women, the story's female heroine is the only one that can breach his walls and get to the deepest parts of his being. She is the only one who gets to see the true essence of this exceptional, "monstrous" man and who can snag his eternal, unconditional, complete love. That is the "quest" of the female heroine and where her unique power lies.
For the female heroine's conquest to be worthwhile, there must be some difficulty in achieving it. Obviously, since the female main characters in these stories is generally a young attractive girl, garnering the male lead's attention isn't particularly difficult. Female readers know that an exceptional man will gladly sleep with an average woman if the conditions are right, so this type of conquest isn't really attractive narratively and sexually speaking because there is no struggle at all.
The objective of this female heroine must therefore be clearly different from her male counterpart. In a story written to be sexually enticing to men, the male hero would enjoy lots of mind-blowing sex with multiple attractive women without ever committing to any one of them. In fact, men are biologically designed to seek sexual novelty because of this very instinct. There is a reason most onlyfansers and camgirls make most of their revenue during their first week on the job.
For the female heroine, the epitome of victory lies in making this one exceptional man fully commit to her, body and soul, in a way no other woman has ever achieved. This mirrors the unique reproductive challenges of the two genders: male want to spread their genes with as many fertile females as possible, females want to secure the best possible genes from one male for herself only.
2.2 Fantasy and Reality
Understanding what makes women tick is one thing, but actually harnessing this knowledge is a whole different ordeal. The very first issue lies with the fact that the female fantasies discussed so far always feature an idealized man that is completely outside the reach of the vast majority of the population. Still, knowing about the underlying mechanisms can prove useful in assessing what to work on when trying to provide a specific experience to a specific woman, and can allow you to sharpen your seductive tools.
The first and most obvious aspect you may want to work on is getting closer to embodying the physical cues shown by these characters. The ideal description of the hero goes like this:
He has blue eyes, a straight nose, a high forehead, a square jaw overall making a handsome face. His head is framed by dark hair, which accents the white teeth in his sensual mouth curved into a crooked smile. He stands tall with broad shoulders, a broad chest, a narrow waist, a flat stomach, strong arms, big hands, big feet, long legs, and powerful thighs.
A Billion Wicked Thoughts, summary by Aure's Notes
Obviously, you can still be attractive if you look different from this description since this is just an average of hundreds of characters. But even though there is a lot of variety in these characters, variety mostly lies in superficial things like hairstyle, facial hair, body hair, style (features that usually underscore the character's personality and unique appeal).In other words, variety is connected to things that can generally be changed quite easily and with a high degree of subjective preference. Sadly, the aspects that show less variety are still generally tied to genetics and are significantly more difficult to change, being tied to three elements people in blackpill communities know quite well - face, height and frame. Everything else is just different flavours of attractiveness.
It would also be beneficial to pay special attention to the interpersonal dynamics that often appear in these novels (see 1.3: Common elements in female arousal). For what regards other visual elements that can help you become more attractive in women's eyes, paying attention to what attracts female attention on social media (especially social media targeting younger women) can be useful to understand the female gaze better. Plenty of other threads have already explored the female gaze, so I will not dedicate too much time to this specific topic as of now.
Redpill circles love the fisherman maxim: Don't ask fish for advice on catching fish, ask a fisherman.
There is some truth to this, as women are biologically programmed towards virtue signalling and will never give an honest answer, often because they themselves don't know what they respond to.
But asking the "fisherman" is equally naive, since you cannot trust the fisherman either when he's trying to sell you a fishing course.
When the fisherman shows you fish as proof, can you really be sure he caught the fish himself? If the fisherman is fishing with a fishing vessel and you're using a broken net, does his advice really apply to your fishing?
The answer is in truth simple and obvious: you don't ask anyone, you just study the fish and look at what the fish does when it thinks nobody is looking at it. The fish generally won't lie unless it gets something out of it. However, it is undeniable that this approach is not easy and requires a lot more effort, especially since you must also take into account that although all fish follow the same basic principle of hunger, different species of fish may prefer different bait.
Fish metaphors aside, one thing we can surely glean from romantic novels is which body parts attract more contextual attention, and which of the various love interest archetypes can better suit our unique physical features, personalities, and experiences we can offer to the women we are interested in. The rest of the guide will thus be focusing on these aspects, but readers should do well to keep in mind that what works with one woman may not work with another in the exact same way: there is definitely some overlap, but different women may have different tastes. Some things, however, always ring true, thus true outliers are very rare.
2.3 Sexualized body parts
One very easy way to use the information contained in female sexual fantasies is paying special attention to what body parts women tend to sexualize, or see as more sexual and important in relation to intimacy. It should however be noted that while men tend to think about female body parts as separate elements (breasts, butts, hips, feet...) women usually like to think about all elements together, as a whole. Still, certain parts definitely warrant more attention and narrative space, so let's have a look at the way they are portrayed and why they are important.
◆ Hands: It should come to no surprise that hands are quite important to women. Just look at the most popular tiktok thirst traps and you will notice by yourself that many women harbor a true obsession towards male hands that is not dissimilar to how so many men are obsessed with female feet. Physical strength is important for attractiveness as it conveys that the man can overpower and dominate her sexually, but hands are also attractive for a few other reasons. First of all, your hands convey your masculinity it in a much more subtle way than overall muscularity, and they are also more intimate and thus more psychologically attuned to the more psychological aspects of sex. They also help showcase a sense of competence and dexterity rather than mere dimorphism.
The ideal male hands typically incude the following features:
They are large, but not thick => large hands are masculine, but thick hands are associated with manual labour (which isn't socially dominant and thus not sexy).
They are strong, but not rough => strong hands are masculine, but rough hands are unpleasant to the touch.
They have long slender fingers => slender fingers are more apt at fine manipulation, and thus demonstrate competence and precision.
They are veiny => also a sign of strength and low body fat, and a very dimorphic trait as female hands are generally not veiny due to fat/muscle distribution.
They are well taken care of => nobody wants to be touched by filthy hands with bitten fingernails.
Fingernails that are not too long nor too small => if too short, they are connected to manual labor, if too long, they seem unpleasant for finger play.
Tastefully worn rings are generally considered sexy by women because they attract attention to the fingers and hands.
◆ Forearms: Exact same line of reasoning as the hands, since the forearms are filled with muscle connected to the hands. Ideal forearms are veiny, slender and powerful. Masculine without being bulky, and muscular without being stocky.
You have probably already heard that women love when a man rolls up their sleeves - that is because it shows and highlights the forearms!
Forearm sleeve tattoos are also appreciated by women for the very same reason.
◆ Mouth and Lips: Secondary in importance to hands but still quite high on the list. Your mouth (and lips and tongue) are very useful in bed and can be extremely sexy even outside of it. They are a very powerful erogenous zone you should never underestimate their importance: make sure to wear chapstick and that they always appear kissable and soft. Your mouth can also be a good way to stimulate her psychologically: there is a billion different ways to smile, pout and laugh that help make a conversation much more mentally and sexually stimulating.
Romantic novels often pay special attention to what the male lead's mouth is DOING in many situations, in and outside the bedroom. It would be ridiculous to train yourself to mimic these behaviours, but you should still keep in mind that your mouth and lips can be very useful tools in seduction. Biting things can be especially sexy, a guy's mouth doing things can easily get the imagination running.
◆ Eyes: A man's gaze is paramount to stimulating sexual arousal. It can be intense and penetrating, cold and emotionless, or flaming with desire and passion - but it cannot be BLAND. It is the glue that keeps you together as a sexual being, the way through which you show everyone where your attention is directed and with what intensity it effects the world. Looking deeply into someone's eyes can be an extremely intimate experience for women, and the eye area is routinely ranked as one of the most important parts of a man's face for gauging attractiveness.
What makes an eye area attractive has more to do with shape than color, but thick eyebrows and long eyelashes can help make your eyes stand out more. There are different types of eye areas that can be attractive, from "dead eyes" to "piercing eyes", but the thing they all have in common is that they're memorable and difficult to ignore.
Squinting is a well known tactic that makes one's eye area more striking as it elongates it and makes it appear more intimidating and intense.
◆ Shoulders: I shouldn't really waste too much time on this, as everyone around here should already know that wide shoulders (together with height) are THE MOST POWERFUL BODILY DIMORPHIC TRAIT and the way in which the male silhouette is most different from the female frame. All male love interests have wide shoulders, they convey a sense of physical competence and raw maleness that is unmatched by any other muscle group. A V-taper is thus extremely important.
Suits make men feel powerful and women swoon precisely because their design helps achieve and accentuate a V-shape! It is the quintessential masculine dimorphic trait, making you look sharp, competent, and vigorous.
There is little to comment here: get to work and get wider shoulders! There are plenty of online resources that can help you achieve this body type.
◆ Hair: The importance of hair as a health signifier should not be underestimated. It is very common in these novels for the author to pay special attention to describing the way the male lead runs his fingers through his hair, or how his hair looks when wet, or the way in which the female heroine touches his hair... there is a billion ways in which hair plays a fundamental role in conveying attractiveness and intimacy. Strands of hair falling over or around eyes are often perceived as sexier as they project an image of closeness or spontaneity - hair being "out of place" in a way that looks good can create an illusion of intimacy.
For men with long hair, the process of tying and untying it has often been sexualized as the very process naturally shows off your arms and shoulders as you go through the motion. On the other hand, buzzcuts can also convey a certain sense of daring and aggression that is difficult to convey with other hairstyles - it all depends on your unique strengths. Female preference obviously varies a lot here, but typically speaking, having some length for her to work with is generally preferrable as there isn't much to play with when your head is buzzed.
Hair is also one of the easiest ways to convey things about you, and helps you suit an archetype/fantasy better. There are so many variations that providing examples here would be useless. More on this on chapter 3: The Five Major Romantic Archetypes.
2.4 On penis size and female desire
Men typically prefer looking a big penises in porn, as it is more visually stimulating and heightens the intensity of sexual situations, especially since the male's orgasm usually also coincides with the climax of the scene. Said preference may have ties with the role of the male sexual organ in primate society, echoes of which can be seen in certain human tribes. This, however, is not really the place to discuss that, so let's focus on how media targeting women talk about penises.
Romance novels have a completely different approach - penis size is rarely described. Sometimes, the author may choose to use such descriptions to create more vivid imagery and enhance the vibrancy of the sexual tension between characters, and in those cases the penis is often described as sizeable. In the vast majority of this type of media, however, what the penis looks like is unimportant. What is definitely important, however, is its function:
“Blood surged to his cock, heated, unexpected, inappropriate,” writes Christine Feehan in her novel Burning Wild.
Then, when the heroine kisses the hero, it “makes the blood pound in his shaft.”
In Shiloh Walker’s Touch of Gypsy Fire, “His cock throbbed, blood pounding heavily within it” and later “Aryn’s blood pounded heavily in his cock.”
In Ellen Sable’s Days of Flame, she writes how “blood coursed through his cock” until eventually “it pulsed and throbbed with hot blood.”
A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Although this level of focus on erections may sound strange and surprising to male viewers, we have to admit that the mechanisms of erection are quite extaordinary. A psychological cue leads a man's blood to flow to his penis and pump it up for the specific aim of penetrating a woman - it's something we take for granted, but it makes sense that it seems nifty to females. The fact that it is this specific aspect of male sexuality that attracts women's attention is a very underestimated and important piece of information: it is important because it ties in with the dynamics of female desire.
Male desire is straightforward and direct. Males desire Females. Erotic media targeting men features the female body as the primary and only target.
Female desire is, again, twofold. Females desire Males, obviously. But they also desire being desired by Males. Thus erotic media targeting women feature both the male body and the way the male brain and body react to the female's.
Obviously, being desired sexually is very arousing to men too. It's a simple fact of nature that triggering primal urges feels validating. And it's obviously also true that men do worry about how their body and penis looks, and obsess over how it may not be appealing to women.
Still, the element of being irresistible and triggering sexual desires in males seems to be way more foundational to the female brain - there are countless posts online of women lamenting that they cannot enjoy sex because they "do not feel sexy", often after a pregnancy or after suffering bodily change. In other words, this specific element is an important psychosexual cue to female arousal; females need to feel sexy to have sex. Men just enjoy it more when they feel sexy, but are still capable of feeling sexual arousal even if they think they're not sexually attractive.
The importance of the process of erection is also interesting because it shines light on what types of insecurities may plague a woman's brain during sex. Countless online posts posit that when a man loses or cannot achieve an erection during sex, the first thought the average woman has is not that the man is impotent, but rather that she is not sexy enough. This is also quite telling of the way women's brains work, and it again underscores why blood flowing is so often described in minute detail in romantic novels targeting women. These descriptions also usually highlight the INVOLUNTARY nature of the erection, as if the man's body reacts to her in a way he cannot control. I cannot stress enough how important it is for the female libido to feel irresistible - the female heroine's quest is to tame a man that is difficult to tame and highly desirable. Sexually speaking, him getting an erection due to her is the easiest way to visualize this dynamic in a sexual situation.
It is important to keep all these aspect in mind in your actual life - if you want to escalate things towards sex, making sure she knows you find her sexually attractive is a foundational element to her sexual arousal. Do not take it for granted. When the context is right, make sure she knows and she will be more receptive.
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3. The Five Major Romantic Archetypes
3. The Five Major Romantic Archetypes
This chapter will focus on the five most common archetypes in female sexual fantasies, and how to embody one or more of these as closely as possible. Three crucial pieces of information must be extremely clear to you before reading:
1. You are not meant to imitate any of these in real life - that would be ridiculous and come off as autistic. I am not teaching you to growl at people as if you were a werewolf or sulk in the shadows as if you were a vampire. Instead, look at each of these archetypes up close and try to understand what parts of them are appealing and how to incorporate parts of these in your everyday life in a way that is sensible and reasonable. Subtle accessories, ways of presenting yourself, tattoo designs, jewellery, clothing and ways of seeing the world and navigating the relationships in your life are all feasible ways of drawing inspiration from this chapter. It's about finding something close to your innate being, rather than wearing a mask - it's about providing a fantasy that excites both you and your potential partner, rather than dressing up for success.
2. Most men actually combine multiple aspects of these archetypes - typically, most men's personalities and looks have one major archetype they strongly resonate with, and one or two secondary archetypes that also fit them in more indirect ways. That is because all these archetypes are appealing in different ways and although certain features tend to cluster together and form Jungian archetypes of sort, people are ultimately unique. It's that uniqueness and ability to surprise and be original and unpredictable that makes seduction fun and makes you an interesting individual she'd love to know more about. The examples I give are there to give you a rough idea of how an archetype may look like, but even in physical appearance these men often belong to multiple categories.
3. Different women have different tastes - You'd be hard-pressed to find a woman or girl that isn't even remotely interested in what these archetypes have to offer. After all, they're a mixture of romantic stories that have timeless appeal and that women keep buying and consuming endlessly. They're the type of relationships women cannot turn away from even when their significant other is abusive. They're what makes hot things hot in all forms of media, from tv shows to anime to books to fan fiction. Still, there is some variation and that should be kept into account! Few women would reject an extremely attractive man just because he's not her "type", but true raw desire only really blossoms when you fully fit her deepest desires. Niches are a very powerful tool - your appearance should tell a story, to a certain extent.
1. THE WEREWOLF
Savage, Wild, Intimidating, Violent, Dangerous.
Distinguishing features: Traditionally masculine, squareish facial features, with a fierce, aggressive and somewhat uncivilized look. Brusque and direct demeanour.
Real life analogies: Athletes, Fighters, Military Men, Violent Criminals; anything related to danger and physicality.
Fantasy provided: A powerful and fierce beast of a man is civilized by a young girl. The woman is brave enough to face the danger posed by approaching this man, initiating a dangerous romance, but is the only one who can see the man behind the beast. As he slowly grows accustomed to her, he cannot help but see himself change and finally discovers he was always meant to commit himself to her.
(Yes, this is basically the plot of The Beauty and the Beast. There is a reason this fairytale has been around for centuries.)
Where is the challenge? In proving she is the only one who can brave the danger this man poses, and succeed at reaching his heart.
Hair, Facial Hair, Body Hair: Typically, this romantic archetype suits a hairier look overall. Medium-long hair, some form of facial hair and even body hair can be welcome. Yet, there are ways to make this work even with a buzzed head or no body hair at all - but they require increased levels of masculinity to compensate.
Style: Masculine, Practical, Simple. Typically no piercings, but a reasonable amount of tattoos can help give an extra edge. Avoid jewellery.
Fragrances: Musky and masculine scents, favouring leather and woods.
Physique: Athletic, Muscular, or Very Muscular.
2. THE PIRATE
Exciting, Spontaneous, Unconventional, Adventurous, Taboo.
Distinguishing features: A seductive mouth that tends to smirk easily, intelligent and alert eyes, and a confident but open demeanour.
Real life analogies: Alternative Musicians (Rappers, Rockstars...), Non-violent Criminals, Conmen, Political Activists; anything related to living free and disregarding conventions.
Fantasy provided: A handsome, fearless and charismatic man who loves his freedom and lifestyle cannot help falling in love with the young girl. After letting her become a part of his life, he ultimately commits to her and loves her forever.
Where is the challenge? In being the only thing that can get this man to settle down and reconsider his priorities.
Hair, Facial Hair, Body Hair: This romantic archetypes revels in being a bit scruffy and disheveled - all hairstyles can work as long as they're not too conventional. Facial hair is highly variable, but a rough stubble probably works best. Body hair is left to preference, but some body hair can help give an air of messiness that fits this romantic archetype quite well. Keep in mind you're meant to be "meticulously unkept" - that is, look just messy enough to look carefree but not messy enough to look like a slob. Achieving it requires a lot more effort than you'd expect, as you need to find the right balance between too messy and too neat.
Style: Unconventional, Atypical, Informal. Tattoos are common. Piercings are viable. Jewellery works very well here, especially rings, bracelets, earrings and necklaces.
Fragrances: Masculine outdoorsy or marine scents, you can even go for citrus and oriental scents.
Physique: Athletic or Muscular. Skinny can also work, but it's harder to sell.
3. THE VAMPIRE
Mysterious, Aloof, Tormented, Deep, Noble.
Distinguishing features: Fine, pretty and somewhat feminine facial features, striking, melancholic and expressive eyes. A regal and mysterious demeanour. Pale skin is typically required for this archetype but you can get away with other skin tones as long as you can properly convey the correct vibe.
Real life analogies: Musicians, Artists, Writers, Models, Actors; anything related to creativity and the extra-ordinary.
Fantasy provided: A tormented and somewhat dangerous man, who lets nobody see his true self, ends up seducing a young girl. One way or another, he discovers this young girl's love is the only thing that can heal and soften his heart of stone and help him fight the inner urges that make him what he is.
Where is the challenge?: In being the only one that can form a genuine connection with a deeply troubled, complex man who'd rather remain shrouded in mystery.
Hair, Facial Hair, Body Hair: This romantic archetype typically favours longer hairstyles as they are usually seen as more high-class or noble-like, thus medium to long hairstyles are preferred. For a similar reason, facial hair should be kept to a minimum, no longer than light stubble. Body hair also has to go as it's antithetical to what this romantic archetype stands for - but again, individual women's preference varies thus it's not really a deal breaker. An air of cleanliness and sharpness is required to make this archetype work at its best, though.
Style: Elegant, discreet, refined. Tattoos are viable but only as long as they're tasteful. Piercings are also viable but harder to make work. Minimal jewellery is a great choice here, especially rings and necklaces. This is also one of the few archetypes that can make earrings work well. Black, white and red are the traditional colours associated with this romantic archetype.
Fragrances: Dark, memorable scents, possibly floral. Woods also work. If going towards rose-like scents, avoid powdery ones.
Physique: Skinny, Athletic or Muscular. Don't go overboard here as too much bulk works against this archetype's "high-class" theme.
4. THE BILLIONAIRE
Authority, Lifestyle, Power Disparity, Independence, Resourcefulness
Distinguishing features: A wide variety of facial features and styles can apply here, but demeanor is typically always confident, efficient and dominant.
Real life analogies: Higher-ups, Teachers, Athletes, Celebrities, Politicians; anyone that stands at the apex of her social/work environment or who holds power (even contextual social power is sufficient).
Fantasy provided: A young and not particularly remarkable girl gets to break out of her social class or pre-given role. She manages to climb up the ladder by winning over a powerful, influential man who is by all rights not supposed to be that interested in him. His love for her, however, is not transitory at all as she can offer him something he simply cannot live without, beating other female competitors he would normally be expected to prefer.
(There is a reason women seem so interested in following the love lifes of the British Royal Family - a "normal" girl marrying into one of them is the quintessential representation of this dynamic in real life.)
Where is the challenge?: In accessing a world, a lifestyle, a position that by all rights should be inaccessible to her due to social or practical constraints.
(This very mechanism also explains young female students falling in love with their much older male teachers, which happens more often than one would think. In this specific case, their subconcious goal is gaining access to the world of adults and seducing someone that has both direct power over her and is not supposed to touch her)
Hair, Facial Hair, Body Hair: Unlike the other romantic archetypes, this one is quite varied in looks, although it typically does not rely on extravagance too much. Typically, you are better off sticking to a traditional haircut and being clean shaven (or with a light stubble). For what concerns clothes, stick to traditional formal menswear: the suit is the quintessential "uniform" of this romantic archetype.
Style: Formal, Presentable, Mature. Tattoos should be minimal and not visible when dressed. Piercings typically do not fit this archetype at all. Jewellery should be avoided or very minimal.
Fragrances: Whatever suits your specific field of work best, but avoid being too outlandish and stick to clean, predictable smells.
Physique: Slender, Athletic, Muscular, Very Muscular. Variation is allowed as long as you are in shape and look like you take care of yourself.
5. THE SURGEON
Competence, Intelligence, Attention, Social Approval, Respect
Distinguishing features: A clean cut, well-put, tidy and respectable appearance. An approachable, dependable, trustworthy but disciplined demeanour.
Real life analogies: Lawyers, Psychologists, Architects, Dentists, Teachers; anyone in jobs that demand higher education and who require a certain degree of maturity and responsibility.
Fantasy provided: A young girl finds her soulmate and settles down with a man who she can fully trust and who is a pillar of his community. Her life will no longer be plagued by insecurity and loneliness, and she can rest easy knowing this capable, skilled and understanding man will cherish and take care of her in full. Everyone in her social circle approves of this relationship, seeing it as normal and healthy, and may even be envious of her catching such a man.
Where is the challenge?: In being found worthy by a man as selective as him.
Hair, Facial Hair, Body Hair: Extremely variable. This romantic archetype would typically convey an air of competence and security, thus it would be better to avoid extremely uncommon stylistic choices, but you have a lot of leeway here.
Style: Trustworthy, Presentable, Clean. Surgeons are the quintessential "good men" who are disciplined, smart, understanding and respectful.
Fragrances: Clean and simple, popular fragrances fit this archetype well but they should still be worn subtly, not loudly.
Physique: Anything works as long as you look like you are disciplined and healthy.
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Conclusion
No matter what type of media you look at, if it's made for women you will find traces of what was discussed in this chapter. Even boy bands are typically constructed around archetypes so as to satisfy different female romantic fantasies; you'll always have the bad boy, the sensitive one, the older brother type... once you start seeing this pattern, you will notice it everywhere.Conclusion
It can be easy to trivialize this discussion with some variation of "Chad doesn't care about this stuff and still slays" and, to be fair, there is a kernel of truth to this. Obviously, it's impossible to create a spark and genuine romantic interest without being attractive in the first place. However, understanding the specific ways in which females think about romance and sex is extremely important to provide them a satisfying and memorable fling or a significant and long-lasting romantic relationship that keeps them engaged and stimulated. Obviously, women are individual with different tastes and the exact same "strategy" is bound to not work with all of them, but mastering the concepts detailed in this guide should give you all the tools you need to resonate with the vast majority of women. It all boils down to understanding your unique strengths, the specific type of women who'd be most likely to be into what you have to offer. Once that is done, you only have to keep in mind the underlying psychological mechanisms discussed above to elicit the response you want in the most fulfilling way.
