Johnny_Sins
Bronze
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- Aug 7, 2024
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If someone in your life told you that it didn't matter what you thought, would that person be someone you would choose to be emotionally vulnerable with? Would you seek them out as a romantic partner?
Of course not. Because they have blatantly told you that it doesn't matter what you think. The other half of, “Only actions matter” isn't involved here. It doesn't matter what YOU think.
“It doesn't matter what women think. Only their actions matter.” is a blatantly misogynistic statement. If you would feel deeply offended to be told that it doesn't matter what you think, the same is true for us.
The following excerpts are from https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny
“Misogyny has been widely practiced for thousands of years. It is reflected in art, literature, human societal structure, historical events, mythology, philosophy, and religion worldwide.”
To believe that these beliefs are new or due to current technology or access to porn or access to the internet is foolish and misguided. Misogyny is well documented for thousands of years. Incel beliefs are merely a current variation of a very old theme.
“Misogyny likely arose at the same time as patriarchy: three to five thousand years ago at the start of the Bronze Age. The three main monotheistic religions of Judaism, Christianity and Islam promoted patriarchal societal structures, and used misogyny to keep women at a lower status. Misogyny gained strength in the Middle Ages, especially in Christian societies. In parallel to these, misogyny was also practiced in societies such as the Romans, Greeks, and the tribes of the Amazon Basin and Melanesia, who did not follow a monotheistic religion. Nearly every human culture contains evidence of misogyny.”
Knowing that this attitude has persisted since the bronze age, do you think it was that different when my 49 year old butt was in my 20's? Because it wasn't. I have heard the diatribes on the evils of women for the majority of my life. Certainly, never from anyone who was given the opportunity to stay in my life though. Your belief structures are as old as time. My age only means I have dealt with it longer.
I will let you in on something… every woman you have ever loved and/or respected has dealt with men who believe the same things as you. Your grandma has dealt with men telling her what she thinks doesn't matter. Your mom has been insulted and degraded for not being attracted to someone. Your sister has gone through it recently. Your friends. Your teachers. None of us are spared.
Have you ever bothered to ask them what it's like? Or do you just think about yourself? There's another not so attractive trait that will not win you dates. Selfishness. That complete disregard of any perspective other than your own… that trait makes for horrific partners and terrible lovers. I always called it laundry sex when talking with my best friend. As in staying home and doing my laundry would have been a more exciting use of my time. They're terrible friends too as they only care about themselves.
“Anthropologist David D. Gilmore argues that misogyny is rooted in men's conflicting feelings: men's existential dependence on women for procreation, and men's fear of women's power over them in their times of male weakness, contrasted against the deep-seated needs of men for the love, care and comfort of women—a need that makes the men feel vulnerable.”
Your beliefs are rooted in something so old that anthropologists study it. And you think someone who's 49 is too old to understand?
I am of the age where I get to hear the neon red flag that is, “I didn't know how to treat women until I had a daughter.” I ask them if they ever noticed their mother beyond more than just fulfilling their needs, but actually connect with them as a human. I ask them where they were for their sisters or their aunts or their friends. I ask them if they ever once noticed all of the women that surround their lives. Because we all deal with it.
If you are the guy you wouldn't want your theoretical daughter to know, then the problem is all you.
To believe that what a romantic partner thinks isn't important isn't just intensely disrespectful, it lacks even the most basic common sense. It doesn't matter what their beliefs are surrounding raising children. You’ll figure it out after having your third. It doesn't matter whether or not they want to be a stay at home partner. You’ll figure it out after they quit their job and expect you to pay the bills.
There are so many, MANY massive decisions that come into play with adult relationships. Finances. Taxes. Jobs. Family planning. End of life care. Caring for aging parents. Giant massive life changing things that you don't think it matters what your partner believes. How are you going to know their beliefs and wants without communication and respecting what they say? And guess what? All those things are huge parts of life, including relationships.
Do people frequently not have the most exact idea of what will make them happy after the action? You bet. But that's entirely different from saying either “it doesn't matter what women want” or “Women don't know what they want.” I dare you to go up to your mother and tell her either one of those statements. I double dare you even. Let me know how it goes.
Here's a hint… if you know that your mother would absolutely destroy you for letting those words out of your mouth, you shouldn't let it out of your mouth in regards to ANY woman. Another hint… every one of those women who you believe their thoughts don't matter has someone in their life who would happily destroy you for thinking that about a person they love.
Healthy relationships take trust, respect, and communication. That means you believe what your partner says. If you can't do that, then you are incredibly far away from being ready for a relationship. You're just a toxic cess pool waiting to damage others.
Here's another massive hint. How are these beliefs working out for you? Is your social calendar booked solid? Your contempt and disrespect shows in every action. If it doesn't matter what women think, then you sure as hell aren't listening to them. Again, how's that working out? Do you think women find your dismissive attitude appealing? Would you mind the same traits appealing in a partner?
If something isn't going right in your life, then you examine ALL of it. For this, it includes your base assumptions. Whatever it is, if it's part of the problem, you do the work to fix it.
I won't be responding to a single comment on this post. I don't know if I have it in me right now to be polite. In fact, I'm taking at least a week off of this group. My notifications are shut off. My chats are shut off.
Before any of you claim that it isn't what you mean, I am merely doing exactly what you refuse to do for women- believing that what comes out of your mouth is what you mean.
Of course not. Because they have blatantly told you that it doesn't matter what you think. The other half of, “Only actions matter” isn't involved here. It doesn't matter what YOU think.
“It doesn't matter what women think. Only their actions matter.” is a blatantly misogynistic statement. If you would feel deeply offended to be told that it doesn't matter what you think, the same is true for us.
The following excerpts are from https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny
“Misogyny has been widely practiced for thousands of years. It is reflected in art, literature, human societal structure, historical events, mythology, philosophy, and religion worldwide.”
To believe that these beliefs are new or due to current technology or access to porn or access to the internet is foolish and misguided. Misogyny is well documented for thousands of years. Incel beliefs are merely a current variation of a very old theme.
“Misogyny likely arose at the same time as patriarchy: three to five thousand years ago at the start of the Bronze Age. The three main monotheistic religions of Judaism, Christianity and Islam promoted patriarchal societal structures, and used misogyny to keep women at a lower status. Misogyny gained strength in the Middle Ages, especially in Christian societies. In parallel to these, misogyny was also practiced in societies such as the Romans, Greeks, and the tribes of the Amazon Basin and Melanesia, who did not follow a monotheistic religion. Nearly every human culture contains evidence of misogyny.”
Knowing that this attitude has persisted since the bronze age, do you think it was that different when my 49 year old butt was in my 20's? Because it wasn't. I have heard the diatribes on the evils of women for the majority of my life. Certainly, never from anyone who was given the opportunity to stay in my life though. Your belief structures are as old as time. My age only means I have dealt with it longer.
I will let you in on something… every woman you have ever loved and/or respected has dealt with men who believe the same things as you. Your grandma has dealt with men telling her what she thinks doesn't matter. Your mom has been insulted and degraded for not being attracted to someone. Your sister has gone through it recently. Your friends. Your teachers. None of us are spared.
Have you ever bothered to ask them what it's like? Or do you just think about yourself? There's another not so attractive trait that will not win you dates. Selfishness. That complete disregard of any perspective other than your own… that trait makes for horrific partners and terrible lovers. I always called it laundry sex when talking with my best friend. As in staying home and doing my laundry would have been a more exciting use of my time. They're terrible friends too as they only care about themselves.
“Anthropologist David D. Gilmore argues that misogyny is rooted in men's conflicting feelings: men's existential dependence on women for procreation, and men's fear of women's power over them in their times of male weakness, contrasted against the deep-seated needs of men for the love, care and comfort of women—a need that makes the men feel vulnerable.”
Your beliefs are rooted in something so old that anthropologists study it. And you think someone who's 49 is too old to understand?
I am of the age where I get to hear the neon red flag that is, “I didn't know how to treat women until I had a daughter.” I ask them if they ever noticed their mother beyond more than just fulfilling their needs, but actually connect with them as a human. I ask them where they were for their sisters or their aunts or their friends. I ask them if they ever once noticed all of the women that surround their lives. Because we all deal with it.
If you are the guy you wouldn't want your theoretical daughter to know, then the problem is all you.
To believe that what a romantic partner thinks isn't important isn't just intensely disrespectful, it lacks even the most basic common sense. It doesn't matter what their beliefs are surrounding raising children. You’ll figure it out after having your third. It doesn't matter whether or not they want to be a stay at home partner. You’ll figure it out after they quit their job and expect you to pay the bills.
There are so many, MANY massive decisions that come into play with adult relationships. Finances. Taxes. Jobs. Family planning. End of life care. Caring for aging parents. Giant massive life changing things that you don't think it matters what your partner believes. How are you going to know their beliefs and wants without communication and respecting what they say? And guess what? All those things are huge parts of life, including relationships.
Do people frequently not have the most exact idea of what will make them happy after the action? You bet. But that's entirely different from saying either “it doesn't matter what women want” or “Women don't know what they want.” I dare you to go up to your mother and tell her either one of those statements. I double dare you even. Let me know how it goes.
Here's a hint… if you know that your mother would absolutely destroy you for letting those words out of your mouth, you shouldn't let it out of your mouth in regards to ANY woman. Another hint… every one of those women who you believe their thoughts don't matter has someone in their life who would happily destroy you for thinking that about a person they love.
Healthy relationships take trust, respect, and communication. That means you believe what your partner says. If you can't do that, then you are incredibly far away from being ready for a relationship. You're just a toxic cess pool waiting to damage others.
Here's another massive hint. How are these beliefs working out for you? Is your social calendar booked solid? Your contempt and disrespect shows in every action. If it doesn't matter what women think, then you sure as hell aren't listening to them. Again, how's that working out? Do you think women find your dismissive attitude appealing? Would you mind the same traits appealing in a partner?
If something isn't going right in your life, then you examine ALL of it. For this, it includes your base assumptions. Whatever it is, if it's part of the problem, you do the work to fix it.
I won't be responding to a single comment on this post. I don't know if I have it in me right now to be polite. In fact, I'm taking at least a week off of this group. My notifications are shut off. My chats are shut off.
Before any of you claim that it isn't what you mean, I am merely doing exactly what you refuse to do for women- believing that what comes out of your mouth is what you mean.
