ElySioNs
Mercenary
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Sorry, I’m new to Reddit and I posted it on a different community page before I realized this one existed.
My wife and I started dating in our early 20’s. I had just met her right before I graduated from college while she still had a couple of years left. After dating for a while I took a job about about an hour away that had me working long hours. We weren’t able to see each other as much as we had liked so after a little over a year decided I needed to find another job. I ended up finding a job closer to her and we decided that I would move in with her and her roommate. The only drawback was I would be starting out on night shift until a first shift opportunity was available. I figured it was worth the hassle because I would be living with her now and would still be able to see her more than I was before.
At the time of moving in I felt things were going great...she had never said or done anything to make me feel otherwise. After two months of this new arrangement I came home from work one night and she told me that things weren’t working out. I was completely blindsided and heart broken. I was also somewhat angry after all of the sacrifices I felt I had made so I grabbed what belongings I could and left. I ended up moving in with a coworker.
I was still pretty confused and felt like this breakup came from out of nowhere. At first I honestly felt like we would be back together within a week, I mean we had been together for two years and before I started my job on second shift things felt really good between us. I guess I just attributed whatever was going on to me being on night shift and not being around as much as we had hoped. Anyway, she pretty much cut off contact with me as she wouldn’t answer my calls or return my texts. I still had a few things at her house so I did talk to her a few times when I would show up to get my belongings.
I let her know that I still wanted to work things out and the few times we talked I thought the conversations went ok. She never mentioned anything about seeing somebody else. A few weeks later I happened to see her out with another guy. I really debated on what to do but I ended up texting her and asked if she was seeing somebody else. She replied yes and that she was moving on with her life and that I should do the same. That was a tough pill to swallow but at the same time it at least gave me some closure.
A couple of weeks after this I saw her at the gym and avoided her the best I could. She ends up texting me a couple of days later. We end up talking over the next week or so and she tells me she wants to get back together. I was weary and took things slow after this, I kept waiting for her to come to me about and open up about why she had left me...that never happened. I grew frustrated and questioned her several times about why she left me and about the guy she was seeing. She said that it was nothing serious and multiple times denied having sex with him.
I eventually felt comfortable enough with everything she said that we were able to be serious again and we started having a sexual relationship. A few months later we found out she was pregnant and we moved into our own place. She was about six months along when, for the first time ever, I looked at her Facebook page and found a bunch of pictures of her with the previous guy. There was an album dated within a week prior to her breaking up with me. I questioned her about that when I got home asking her why she left out that she cheated on me prior to breaking up and then went over all the same questions again. She didn’t offer up much of an explanation and answered all the other questions the same...and this was probably the first time I ever saw her cry. I felt terrible because we were about to have a child and I was putting her, and me, through this. I told myself that I would never bring it up again.
Fast forward up until a few months ago and we have a beautiful life together. We have three children and we both enjoy our careers. Our relationship got back on track and has been amazing for the most part, we have been married for ten years now. That being said, I’ve never fully been able to let what happened go. The fact that she never came to me and opened up about it and that when we got back together she acted as if nothing had ever happened still just didn’t feel right to me. I looked at what our life had become and where it was going and always decided against bringing it back up. That is until I found out a coworker was going through something similar to what I had. I took this as a sign that maybe it was time to revisit things.
I laid awake in bed one night waiting for my wife to come in. When she did I told her how I was feeling...that I loved our life but how things had went earlier in our relationship still kind of affected me to some extent. She seemed surprised at first that I would still be bothered by it and then she started crying. I felt like the bad guy for bringing it up after all this time and I thought maybe if anything just getting off my chest that it still bothered me would be enough. She didn’t really say a whole lot that night and it felt awkward to talk about it so I didn’t push the conversation too hard.
I thought maybe she would come to me and open up about things since she knew that it was still bothering me. A couple of weeks had passed and nothing. I waited up for her again and asked her to start talking about what had happened. She went into detail how it was hard because of my job and our schedules. She had a couple of friends she would go out with regularly and I guess one night a guy they met became interested in her and she said it felt good to be noticed. Sounds like they ended meeting up several more times over the next couple of weeks and got to where they would be making out with each other at the end of the night. I guess this is when she told me that it wasn’t working out between us anymore. I continued asking questions and I asked her three times if she had sex with him before she finally admitted to it.
When we had first started dating she had told me she was a virgin and I totally respected that. We still had our fun in the bedroom but I didn’t want to push her into sex and figured when she was ready or if she wanted to wait until marriage I was willing to wait...from early on in our relationship I felt like she was “the one”.
I know over 10 years has passed since then, and she has been an amazing wife and mother since, but I still can’t help but feeling betrayed. It’s hard to look at her the same now knowing that she could ever do that to someone she says she loves and then to keep it from me and lie about it the way she did.
Sorry for the novel but I just felt like I had to air this out somewhere. We are in the process of setting up couples therapy. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.
My wife and I started dating in our early 20’s. I had just met her right before I graduated from college while she still had a couple of years left. After dating for a while I took a job about about an hour away that had me working long hours. We weren’t able to see each other as much as we had liked so after a little over a year decided I needed to find another job. I ended up finding a job closer to her and we decided that I would move in with her and her roommate. The only drawback was I would be starting out on night shift until a first shift opportunity was available. I figured it was worth the hassle because I would be living with her now and would still be able to see her more than I was before.
At the time of moving in I felt things were going great...she had never said or done anything to make me feel otherwise. After two months of this new arrangement I came home from work one night and she told me that things weren’t working out. I was completely blindsided and heart broken. I was also somewhat angry after all of the sacrifices I felt I had made so I grabbed what belongings I could and left. I ended up moving in with a coworker.
I was still pretty confused and felt like this breakup came from out of nowhere. At first I honestly felt like we would be back together within a week, I mean we had been together for two years and before I started my job on second shift things felt really good between us. I guess I just attributed whatever was going on to me being on night shift and not being around as much as we had hoped. Anyway, she pretty much cut off contact with me as she wouldn’t answer my calls or return my texts. I still had a few things at her house so I did talk to her a few times when I would show up to get my belongings.
I let her know that I still wanted to work things out and the few times we talked I thought the conversations went ok. She never mentioned anything about seeing somebody else. A few weeks later I happened to see her out with another guy. I really debated on what to do but I ended up texting her and asked if she was seeing somebody else. She replied yes and that she was moving on with her life and that I should do the same. That was a tough pill to swallow but at the same time it at least gave me some closure.
A couple of weeks after this I saw her at the gym and avoided her the best I could. She ends up texting me a couple of days later. We end up talking over the next week or so and she tells me she wants to get back together. I was weary and took things slow after this, I kept waiting for her to come to me about and open up about why she had left me...that never happened. I grew frustrated and questioned her several times about why she left me and about the guy she was seeing. She said that it was nothing serious and multiple times denied having sex with him.
I eventually felt comfortable enough with everything she said that we were able to be serious again and we started having a sexual relationship. A few months later we found out she was pregnant and we moved into our own place. She was about six months along when, for the first time ever, I looked at her Facebook page and found a bunch of pictures of her with the previous guy. There was an album dated within a week prior to her breaking up with me. I questioned her about that when I got home asking her why she left out that she cheated on me prior to breaking up and then went over all the same questions again. She didn’t offer up much of an explanation and answered all the other questions the same...and this was probably the first time I ever saw her cry. I felt terrible because we were about to have a child and I was putting her, and me, through this. I told myself that I would never bring it up again.
Fast forward up until a few months ago and we have a beautiful life together. We have three children and we both enjoy our careers. Our relationship got back on track and has been amazing for the most part, we have been married for ten years now. That being said, I’ve never fully been able to let what happened go. The fact that she never came to me and opened up about it and that when we got back together she acted as if nothing had ever happened still just didn’t feel right to me. I looked at what our life had become and where it was going and always decided against bringing it back up. That is until I found out a coworker was going through something similar to what I had. I took this as a sign that maybe it was time to revisit things.
I laid awake in bed one night waiting for my wife to come in. When she did I told her how I was feeling...that I loved our life but how things had went earlier in our relationship still kind of affected me to some extent. She seemed surprised at first that I would still be bothered by it and then she started crying. I felt like the bad guy for bringing it up after all this time and I thought maybe if anything just getting off my chest that it still bothered me would be enough. She didn’t really say a whole lot that night and it felt awkward to talk about it so I didn’t push the conversation too hard.
I thought maybe she would come to me and open up about things since she knew that it was still bothering me. A couple of weeks had passed and nothing. I waited up for her again and asked her to start talking about what had happened. She went into detail how it was hard because of my job and our schedules. She had a couple of friends she would go out with regularly and I guess one night a guy they met became interested in her and she said it felt good to be noticed. Sounds like they ended meeting up several more times over the next couple of weeks and got to where they would be making out with each other at the end of the night. I guess this is when she told me that it wasn’t working out between us anymore. I continued asking questions and I asked her three times if she had sex with him before she finally admitted to it.
When we had first started dating she had told me she was a virgin and I totally respected that. We still had our fun in the bedroom but I didn’t want to push her into sex and figured when she was ready or if she wanted to wait until marriage I was willing to wait...from early on in our relationship I felt like she was “the one”.
I know over 10 years has passed since then, and she has been an amazing wife and mother since, but I still can’t help but feeling betrayed. It’s hard to look at her the same now knowing that she could ever do that to someone she says she loves and then to keep it from me and lie about it the way she did.
Sorry for the novel but I just felt like I had to air this out somewhere. We are in the process of setting up couples therapy. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.
