Growing up nd + genuinely ugly ruined my brain

[Prøphet]

Water water water I’ve already talked about this a million times but I don’t even feel human sometimes I feel below animals when I get this surgery for my eye defect it will help a little but then I’m going to have to go into the world to make money for my next surgeries and idk how I can ever prepare for a normie life after being treated the way I have for so long

 

[Prøphet]

Rotting has been my coping mechanism since like 11 years old no joke honestly I know nothing else

The life most of you are living is basically alien to me from how much I isolated myself because it hurt less

 

[browncurrycel]

eye defect

What defect do you have?

 

[emogymmaxx]

it’s just a phase

 

[dudebroguy]

Do you ever see random flies fucking and you're like "man why are flies getting more action than me?", or pigeons or whatever. Even when you fix the physical aspect and look good the mental lags behind due to Pavlovian conditioning. Work on the outside but don't internalize being subhuman.

 

[Prøphet]

What defect do you have?

Esotropia

 

[Prøphet]

it’s just a phase

It’s been a phase for 8 years then, and an underlying theme for 18 years

 

[Prøphet]

Do you ever see random flies fucking and you're like "man why are flies getting more action than me?", or pigeons or whatever. Even when you fix the physical aspect and look good the mental lags behind due to Pavlovian conditioning. Work on the outside but don't internalize being subhuman.

I dont even really care about sex anymore tbh, it’s more that I get down when I see people treated well or favored by society in general for looking good, while I’ve always been a liability and placed in the outgroup for being deformed. Not to make excuses but when that’s your whole life, it becomes almost impossible not to internalize worthlessness and immense shame. My life atm is dedicated to fixing the outside, whatever it takes I’m doing it, because the “life” in store for me as a true 3/10 facially is fucking brutal and I don’t want any of it for one more second. But if I do ascend I don’t think I’ll ever truly be “normal”

 

[dudebroguy]

I dont even really care about sex anymore tbh, it’s more that I get down when I see people treated well or favored by society in general for looking good, while I’ve always been a liability and placed in the outgroup for being deformed. Not to make excuses but when that’s your whole life, it becomes almost impossible not to internalize worthlessness and immense shame. My life atm is dedicated to fixing the outside, whatever it takes I’m doing it, because the “life” in store for me as a true 3/10 facially is fucking brutal and I don’t want any of it for one more second. But if I do ascend I don’t think I’ll ever truly be “normal” ever

Good luck. I'm not done fixing the outside, but I've got to a point where fairly often I get called attractive. Now it's not often by women I'm attracted to but it's a sign I'm making progress.

What I was saying in my previous comment was internally I still feel like my old self, and I'm high inhibition in a lot of ways socially due to my childhood experiences. While continuing looksmaxxing I'm really working on my mindset.

 

[Prøphet]

Good luck. I'm not done fixing the outside, but I've got to a point where fairly often I get called attractive. Now it's not often by women I'm attracted to but it's a sign I'm making progress.

What I was saying in my previous comment was internally I still feel like my old self, and I'm high inhibition in a lot of ways socially due to my childhood experiences. While continuing looksmaxxing I'm really working on my mindset.

Oh yea I understand bro it seems pretty common for people who ascend from being really ugly. I hope I can overcome that if my work pays off. I’m sure external validation helps, but rewriting classical conditioning that’s been beat into you seems extremely difficult. Abused dog syndrome is absolutely brutal and I wish you the best.

 

[emogymmaxx]

It’s been a phase for 8 years then, and an underlying theme for 18 years

blast roids

 

[Kartvelian]

growing up georgian is harder

 

[Prøphet]

blast roids

I already have dupa hair loss and losing hair even on finasteride, test would shred the rest of my hair

 

[Sink]

Water water water I’ve already talked about this a million times but I don’t even feel human sometimes I feel below animals when I get this surgery for my eye defect it will help a little but then I’m going to have to go into the world to make money for my next surgeries and idk how I can ever prepare for a normie life after being treated the way I have for so long

i feel that, i'm unable to see myself in a good light ever because the past experiences that shaped my view on myself

 

[TACOCEL_]

Same, im autistic as shit. Im not diagnosed but my school definitely thinks i have it and i definitely know im not NT. They made my mom come to a meeting to discuss my autism. I struggle even starting up conversations with people. Im awkward as fuck and ugly.

 

[Prøphet]

i feel that, i'm unable to see myself in a good light ever because the past experiences that shaped my view on myself

It’s so brutal, I will never see myself as anything more than waste and a burden because it’s an instinct as strong as my instinct to breathe

 

[Prøphet]

Same, im autistic as shit. Im not diagnosed but my school definitely thinks i have it and i definitely know im not NT. They made my mom come to a meeting to discuss my autism. I struggle even starting up conversations with people. Im awkward as fuck and ugly.

Yeah same I was really bad in high school they never gave a shit to tell me to my face or bring in my parents but everyone called me that behind my back and talked about how weird and creepy I am. They label the undesirables and the bottom percentile to dehumanize you and discriminate. I’m truly sorry to you, myself, and anyone who has the misfortune of not only being nd but also ugly on top of that. Dealing with just one of those is hard enough, you have to be truly strong and resilient to overcome both.