FrothySolutions
There's no gym for my squandered youth.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2018
- Posts
- 2,081
- Reputation
- 1,959
I paid $180 for their Male Hormone Advanced kit. It's what they call a "capillary test." They send me a tube and the dullest fucking lancets you've ever wielded in your life. "Bleed into this tube" they say. I strain and struggle to get blood into the tube. The instructions say not to squeeze the area of the prick. I don't. I believe I'm being very gentle. I send the results in. And I'm told "We couldn't do the test, your blood hemolyzed."
They send me a replacement test. They say "Try drinking lots of water. Get your heart pumping with exercise." I hold off for a week just so I can hydrate myself properly. Double fisting gallons of water every day. Crystal clear piss. You could drink that piss. Then the morning comes. I get my heart pumping not just with aerobic exercise/calisthenics, but weight training. Which always gets my heart pumping. I make sure not to overdo it because I don't wanna sweat myself dry, but I eventually hit a nice, pounding heart rate. I do reverse curls/hammer curls to get lots of blood in my forearm. I poke myself and begin to drip. Again, it's a struggle. But I get it in the tube. I send it in.
Not only did it hemolyze again, but now they won't send me a replacement test. So I've basically paid $180 for nothing. I looked into it, and apparently if you "scrape" the blood droplet off of your finger, that also risks hemolyzing. You're supposed to just let it drip into the tube, no interfering with the blood at all. But how does that work??? My blood clots too fast for that to even be kinda possible. And so I'd like to know if ANYBODY here has ever successfully gotten results from one of these tests, and how. Did you really get the blood to drop into the tube? No squeezing, no scraping, from the dull fucking lancet that couldn't poke an eye out???
I'm so angery. I just want to know my hormone levels. People tell me to go get tested like it's the easiest fucking thing. How? Go see my doctor? I don't have a doctor and can't go see one until the Big Sick is over. And my insurance is boondoggled with an unwieldy deductible. "Just go get some free foreign healthcare?" And be put on a year long waitlist? I'd be better off in America waiting for the hospitals to open back up. How is this so hard? How is everyone doing this but me?
They send me a replacement test. They say "Try drinking lots of water. Get your heart pumping with exercise." I hold off for a week just so I can hydrate myself properly. Double fisting gallons of water every day. Crystal clear piss. You could drink that piss. Then the morning comes. I get my heart pumping not just with aerobic exercise/calisthenics, but weight training. Which always gets my heart pumping. I make sure not to overdo it because I don't wanna sweat myself dry, but I eventually hit a nice, pounding heart rate. I do reverse curls/hammer curls to get lots of blood in my forearm. I poke myself and begin to drip. Again, it's a struggle. But I get it in the tube. I send it in.
Not only did it hemolyze again, but now they won't send me a replacement test. So I've basically paid $180 for nothing. I looked into it, and apparently if you "scrape" the blood droplet off of your finger, that also risks hemolyzing. You're supposed to just let it drip into the tube, no interfering with the blood at all. But how does that work??? My blood clots too fast for that to even be kinda possible. And so I'd like to know if ANYBODY here has ever successfully gotten results from one of these tests, and how. Did you really get the blood to drop into the tube? No squeezing, no scraping, from the dull fucking lancet that couldn't poke an eye out???
I'm so angery. I just want to know my hormone levels. People tell me to go get tested like it's the easiest fucking thing. How? Go see my doctor? I don't have a doctor and can't go see one until the Big Sick is over. And my insurance is boondoggled with an unwieldy deductible. "Just go get some free foreign healthcare?" And be put on a year long waitlist? I'd be better off in America waiting for the hospitals to open back up. How is this so hard? How is everyone doing this but me?
