Having a meltdown over “Bluey: The Videogame”

[ranierean]

I play these kinds of games, okay? There’s really nothing to it… but, uh… look at this clip… Spoilers, I guess?

It doesn’t quite hit on its own like the full thing. It’s just a “It's the Journey That Counts” type of deal…I know…but I like the characters and the game enough to think, “woah, this tiny bit of interaction blows my entire life out of the water–nothing in my lived years so far has ever reached the same class of maturity, empathy and understanding–no grating bullshit, no deflections, no bewildered/judging looks, just parental love. I’m nearly 30, things won’t get any better–a rectangular blue anthropomorphic dog with an Australian accent is a better person than me–her life, her world, her stories–all far richer than mine–it’s fucking over.”

My dad… My memory is shot but basically, I think that I only met him once and then years later he just ended up drinking himself to death? It was short and he didn’t say anything …substantial, he was just standing there, being like everyone else that I have ever met: not really showing it, but deep down, clearly, being allergic to my entire existence. They are all slightly irritated but still largely dismissive about the whole thing …no one fucking cares… I don’t even remember his face or his name anymore, it’s all gone. The funny thing is that I respect him somewhat for sparing me from himself–something tells me that he wouldn’t be there in the true sense regardless–dead and missing people can’t ever truly disappoint you in the way most of us are to each other: walking embarrassments.

And you know, this kind of domesticity, I actually think it's the opposite of virtue and free spirit, but I'm just… tired. I don't dream of moving mountains; I need someone to say “I'm home” to. Both are equally unlikely for someone like me, I suppose.

I don’t want to be hyperbolic and talk about “unconditional love” or “people being there no matter what,” those things aren’t real, but isn’t that also just… how it is for most people? Bluey and the kids who watch this stuff, play this stuff, they get to know that they’re “okay,” that they are “enough,” that they have a “tomorrow.” And I don’t. I’m the ugly–the insane–the undesirable one… I know that it’s a selfish, textbook-narcissist style of a reaction, you’re not supposed to endlessly compare yourself to others (at least not in this key) and think of yourself as “lesser than,”–all of it really doesn’t matter, but… I have nothing else.
“X doesn’t matter” is not a truism of an unlimited variety–too many things about what I am are too shameful for me to just stay carefree and dismiss it all.
I have nothing. The 1,000 Gamerscore I got from “Bluey: The Videogame” means nothing.

I want to be like that …blue...bipedal dog… please…

 

[Underdog9494]

Ok