isis_Bleach
i am for the whites because i am white
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2020
- Posts
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I've finally rid myself of my PA for many months but the damage he caused to my self esteem and sexuality is ever present. Insecurities he gave me that I didn't have prior to him are now just my normal thoughts about my body. My relationship to sex is completely fucked and I'm unable to cum.
I developed an awful, humiliating fetish due to his cheating and porn addiction which made me feel so disgusting and disconnected from my body. I stopped deriving sexual pleasure from what I like but rather from what men I'm with want, or at least what I assume they want. Now I'm over that fetish, I hate it and never want to touch it again but my sex drive has died. I crave sex as a means to be close to another person and to feel desired but I have trouble being turned on. I don't really get wet anymore, no one can make me cum, even alone it's maybe once or twice a month if I try really hard. Even with my most recent ex, sex was really good but there was a disconnect within me that stopped me from being fully in the moment.
I'm sad because I used to have such a beautiful connection with my body and my sexuality. Now it's ruined and I have to rebuild it from the ground up. I can develop something just as amazing but it will never be like before. I'm usually positive and hopeful but tonight I'm just sad. I hear about amazing sexual experiences from friends and I can't relate anymore. A part of me died and I want it back so bad. : (
I almost wish I was asexual because it's so frustrating for my brain to want one thing but for body not want another. And yes, l've read all the books, watched all the talks, tried all the methods... I'll get there
eventually but it's a slow process.
I developed an awful, humiliating fetish due to his cheating and porn addiction which made me feel so disgusting and disconnected from my body. I stopped deriving sexual pleasure from what I like but rather from what men I'm with want, or at least what I assume they want. Now I'm over that fetish, I hate it and never want to touch it again but my sex drive has died. I crave sex as a means to be close to another person and to feel desired but I have trouble being turned on. I don't really get wet anymore, no one can make me cum, even alone it's maybe once or twice a month if I try really hard. Even with my most recent ex, sex was really good but there was a disconnect within me that stopped me from being fully in the moment.
I'm sad because I used to have such a beautiful connection with my body and my sexuality. Now it's ruined and I have to rebuild it from the ground up. I can develop something just as amazing but it will never be like before. I'm usually positive and hopeful but tonight I'm just sad. I hear about amazing sexual experiences from friends and I can't relate anymore. A part of me died and I want it back so bad. : (
I almost wish I was asexual because it's so frustrating for my brain to want one thing but for body not want another. And yes, l've read all the books, watched all the talks, tried all the methods... I'll get there
eventually but it's a slow process.
