Deleted member 4044
Kraken
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2019
- Posts
- 4,064
- Reputation
- 5,739
Ok boyos.
As has been noted, I've made commendable progress on my looks (considering where I started), but my mind is that of an abused kutta who has felt the pain of a decade as a man on the outer.
I won't go into too much detail about my past, family, but essentially my mind has been badly ravaged by:
-a very strict, high-achieving and uptight Indian family
-an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father
-a mentally ill, religion obsessed, shaming mother
-being a scrawny, non-assertive guy my whole life
-addiction related issues
-being spoilt rotten by my rich family as a kid, and being conditioned to not do anything for myself
As such, I have lived a decade of my life in mental torment. I have developed some bizzare mental habits that I won't expand on.
I've just turned 32, and it is time to change my mind, just as I am changing my aesthetics.
Things I will stay away from:
-reactive and angry thoughts
-revisiting the past in my mind
-resentment toward family members for how they may have treated me
-superiority or inferiority complex
-addictive substances (right now the only thing I'm dealing with is nicotine lozenges)
-racial and political anger
-living in fantasy , imagining things that have nothing to do with my life situation
-seeking approval from family members or anyone really
-feminised thinking
What I will be doing:
-stillness. Spend more time every day still, without my mind rushing
-reading non-fiction daily
-gratitude lists
-trying to be productive more often. Not wasting hours of the day on mindless activity
-meditation
-going to sleep and waking up earlier (have already started this)
-taking responsibility for everything in my life, especially financially
I will hopefully give updates to give myself real honest accountability.
Thanks.
As has been noted, I've made commendable progress on my looks (considering where I started), but my mind is that of an abused kutta who has felt the pain of a decade as a man on the outer.
I won't go into too much detail about my past, family, but essentially my mind has been badly ravaged by:
-a very strict, high-achieving and uptight Indian family
-an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father
-a mentally ill, religion obsessed, shaming mother
-being a scrawny, non-assertive guy my whole life
-addiction related issues
-being spoilt rotten by my rich family as a kid, and being conditioned to not do anything for myself
As such, I have lived a decade of my life in mental torment. I have developed some bizzare mental habits that I won't expand on.
I've just turned 32, and it is time to change my mind, just as I am changing my aesthetics.
Things I will stay away from:
-reactive and angry thoughts
-revisiting the past in my mind
-resentment toward family members for how they may have treated me
-superiority or inferiority complex
-addictive substances (right now the only thing I'm dealing with is nicotine lozenges)
-racial and political anger
-living in fantasy , imagining things that have nothing to do with my life situation
-seeking approval from family members or anyone really
-feminised thinking
What I will be doing:
-stillness. Spend more time every day still, without my mind rushing
-reading non-fiction daily
-gratitude lists
-trying to be productive more often. Not wasting hours of the day on mindless activity
-meditation
-going to sleep and waking up earlier (have already started this)
-taking responsibility for everything in my life, especially financially
I will hopefully give updates to give myself real honest accountability.
Thanks.
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